Monthly Archive: March 2011

Mar 09 2011

The Evolution Of A Cup O Joe

If you look in my basement (you’d think I’m a pig)As a sort of an archaeological digYou’d uncover a history, of husband and wifeAnd the coffee we had in our life. Automatic drip brewers? We’ve got them galoreAnd espresso machines—there are two on the floorThere’s the time we decided to try a French PressNow an …

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Mar 07 2011

The Rest Of The Story

When our family touredYour creation museumWith cool dioramasWhere children could see ‘em,My dear little boy–My angel, named Liam,Was hoping he wouldn’t be bored I thank you todayDearest Sir, or Dear Madam–See, after we sawYour fine show, “The Last Adam”,My Liam grabbed a cardFrom the stack where you had ‘emAnd converted himself to the Lord! At …

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Mar 06 2011

BART Bugs!

When you make your seat selectionNote the coffee-colored stains,Which were found, upon inspection,To contain resistant strains—A bacterial infectionWhich the Transit man explainsIs a function of the fabricThat’s a feature of these trains. You could start your own collection Of the stuff beneath the seatsCrumbs of crackers or confectionsLittle scraps of luncheon meatsIt’s a sample of …

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Mar 05 2011

Couldn’t Have Said It Better Myself, Caller!

Good morning, all my listeners,There’s a caller on the line!An American expressing what he feels!It’s an honor, folks, to share with himThis microphone of mine,Since he shares the same American ideals!With the honesty of Washington,Who could not tell a lie,Here’s a citizen to tell us what he thinksJust a normal, random callerJust the same as …

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Mar 03 2011

Go U (Kinky) Northwestern!

Dear Mom, You were saying you missed me a lotAnd were hoping that maybe I’d write—But my classes were boring, and really there’s notMuch to write about … up till last night. When a guest gives a talk for psychology classOn a topic that’s really complexIt’s often a genuine pain in the assBut for our …

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Mar 02 2011

Fetal Testimony

Republican Congressmen sat in committeeAnd called, as their witness, young Tommy.His presence was purely an act to draw pity;The lad was still stuck in his mommy. Their witness, unable to swear or affirm, And unable to raise his right hand,Looking less like a baby and more like a worm,Reluctantly took to the stand. “I’m glad …

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Mar 01 2011

Civil Discourse

We’ve got to acknowledge the different opinions,The views of the people from differing sides;Respectfully bow to PZ and his minionsAs well as the targets he often derides.We’ll see eye-to-eye with the paranoid birthersWhose ravings are worthy of utmost respect;The young-earth creationists, even flat-earthers,Since all are god’s children, the last time we checked.The True Libertarians, common …

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Mar 01 2011

Critical Mass

The man in the carCouldn’t get very farCos the road was blockaded by bikesA deliberate slightTo his god-given rightTo drive fast, and wherever he likes.When a critical massIs a pain in the assTo a man in a car in BrazilJust remember, the carIs much bigger, by far,So just step on the pedal, and kill. Warning–the …

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