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Mar 05 2011

Couldn’t Have Said It Better Myself, Caller!

Good morning, all my listeners,
There’s a caller on the line!
An American expressing what he feels!
It’s an honor, folks, to share with him
This microphone of mine,
Since he shares the same American ideals!
With the honesty of Washington,
Who could not tell a lie,
Here’s a citizen to tell us what he thinks
Just a normal, random caller
Just the same as you or I,
Here to tell us the administration stinks.
There’s an eloquence of honesty—
When honest folk speak out,
It can sound like they are reading from a script!
Their opinions on the radio—
They call up just to shout—
Show the balance of the powers has been tipped.
In a democratic nation,
We must heed the people’s voice
And the people call the radio and shout
On the issues of small government,
Gun ownership, and choice,
On conspiracies, and global warming doubt!

These prominent conservatives
Lay claim to speak for masses—
Though they fan the flames, they didn’t start the fires—
Take away their authenticity,
They’re merely braying asses,
Influential, yes, but merely common liars.

From Crooks & Liars, a completely unsurprising story of radio hosts and grass-roots conservatism. These particular grass roots–callers to radio programs–are actors, hired to read scripted rants that fit the program’s narrative.

This is actually very good news. It was extraordinarily depressing to listen to these radio shows, not because the hosts were liars (that much was transparently true and vaguely amusing), but because the people who called in seemed so unaware of it, and so divorced from reality. I did not want to believe that these people existed (although I do have relatives who were big fans, so I really should know better). And, it seems, some of them did not exist! Not, at least, outside the imagination of the show’s writers!

3 comments

  1. 1
    Melissa

    I feel so much better knowing this. I have family members that agree, so I know these people are real. However, it's nice to know the numbers are inflated.

  2. 2
    eddie

    It's a massive conspiracy to make conservatives look like utter morons? But the thing is, this is a conservative conspiracy. They seem to believe that if they show leadership in moronity, the public will follow herd-like. Seems to be working, tho :-(

  3. 3
    Elsa

    But what about Coast to Coast? All the callers telling us about their encounter with the lizard people are real, right??

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