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Jan 03 2010

Evidence Of Religion In Octopuses

Thousands of dead octopuses wash up on Portugal beach” (BBC News)

It’s a tragic little story, more than just a little odd:
My suspicion is, an octopus had just invented “god”;
When he told the other fishes, most dismissed him as a fool,
They had never heard such nonsense in their years in fishy school.
His relatives, embarrassed by his ineffective search,
Through a misplaced sense of sympathy, signed up and joined his church.

As we skip ahead a little, past the growing of his flock,
Past the bible-thumping rhetoric, the gospel-driven schlock,
To the cult of personality, their leader is their friend,
And they’d follow where he takes them, true believers to the end!
If they only have sufficient faith, the stars are in their reach—
Now they wash up by the thousands, on a five-mile stretch of beach.

From the BBC:

Thousands of dead octopuses have washed up on a beach in northern Portugal, in what is being called an environmental disaster.

They cover a 5-mile stretch of Vila Nova de Gaia beach – no reason has yet been found for their appearance.

The authorities have warned the public not to eat them.

Update: ok, so it’s not an update on the actual story, like I had hoped. I was looking to see if there was more information anywhere, but without luck. But over on Current, a reader’s comment suggests that my version may well be the truth:


The money quote: Whatever the reason, its what god wanted. Maybe they were just stupid, like all the whales getting washed up.

4 comments

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  1. 1
    Jenn

    Yes. That's it. 'God' wanted it. 'God' was just so sick of those ridiculous octopi- all their late night parties, the drinking, disturbing the other sea animals while they're trying to sleep. Don't even get me started on all that cephalopod homosexual behavior. Or maybe there was just a shortage of octopi in heaven, hmm?I'm sorry. Did that sound a little sarcastic? :)

  2. 2
    Podblack

    For some reason, I am reminded of 'Save your breath for running ponies'. ;) http://runningponies.com/

  3. 3
    Interrobang

    Jim Jones as octopod. Man, you are one sick, sick organism, Cuttlefish. I like the way you think. :)

  4. 4
    Cuttlefish

    Don't tell anyone, Interrobang, but I censor myself sometimes. It could be much … more.

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