Old Time Religion–or, Worshipping Greta Christina


A couple of days ago, one of my favorite bloggers actually wrote me and alerted me to her post here, a fun bit of wordplay and parody toying with that old classic “Gimme that old time religion”. Go ahead, follow the link and read her post–great fun, that. I’ll wait.

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Back so soon? Anyway, I wanted to collect my responses there and put them here before I forget them, and to alert any regulars here (are there any left? Sorry I was gone for so long–summers are weird.) to try their own hands at the game. And to point out that Greta Christina’s own verses are superbly crafted and worth reading.

But read hers on her blog. I’m just gonna put my own here.

My first set:

To me, there are no gods like the Greek gods. They are just so… so human. So delightfully carnal, a celebration of the whole human experience, warts and all.

At the Temple of Apollo
Some will lead and some will follow
Some will spit and some will swallow
And that’s good enough for me

When we follow Dionysus
Then no matter what the price is
We’ll engage in all our vices
And that’s good enough for me

With Athena in her armor
So that mortal man can’t harm’er
She is such a gorgeous charmer*
And that’s good enough for me

And the thunderbolts of Zeus’s
Are the least of his abuses
Leda talks about his gooses
And that’s good enough for me

Let us all revere Poseidon
Cos he’ll find you where you’re hidin’
And your ass he’ll soon be ridin’
And that’s good enough for me

When we speak of beaux and Eros
Our perspective rather narrows
Though it pierce us to our marrows
It’s good enough for me

Let us follow Terpsichore
As she leads us all to glory
Every dance will tell a story
And that’s good enough for me

We need never wonder why, men,
We will strive to do and die**, men,
At the service of dear Hymen,
And that’s good enough for me

*alternate line—“I would plow her like a farmer”
**well, a little death, anyway.

Then a few, as per Greta Christina’s recommendation, regarding the modern skeptical deity-equivalents:

Let us follow the immortals
Till we pass through Heaven’s portals
And deliver them our chortles–
That’s good enough for me!

If we laugh ourselves unsteady
And keep criticism ready,
Flying monsters of spaghetti
Are good enough for me!

Though invisible, it’s pinking–
It’s a unicorn, I’m thinking–
And the atheists are winking
And that’s good enough for me!

Though I have no God vendetta,
I would sooner worship Greta,
Though in truth, I’ve never met-a
She’s good enough for me!

I am now in such fine fettle
That I think I have the mettle
To bow down to Russell’s kettle
Cos it’s good enough for me…

If I bow before some entity
And call it heaven-sentity
Please check on my dementity
That’s good enough for me

And lastly, just for fun:

Let us toast to Quetzalcoatl
With the contents of this bottle
Not a little, but a lot’ll
Be good enough for me

We will toast the feathered snakey
Till the world is blurred and shakey
Then pass out ’til wakey-wakey,
That’s good enough for me

If your deity is serpentine
Please check what you are slurpin’- find
A label that says “turpentine”?
That’s good enough for me

So have at it–add more, and visit Greta Christina’s site and add them there as well!

Comments

  1. says

    This regular thinks it’s great to see you back online!As per your suggestion, I added in a few lines into Greta Christina’s post…

  2. says

    Let’s all follow the FSMAt his motives who can guess ‘em?Beer and strippers, he will bless ‘emAnd that’s good enough for me

  3. says

    Of course, it’s sung to the tune of “That Old Time Religion.” It was good for Aphrodite, Although she’s a little flighty When she wears that see-through nightieBut that’s good enough for me!…vaguely remembered pagan filk-song.

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