Friday Limericks: Under The Sea »« A Hymn

Crazy Like A Squid…

The Deep Sea News guys have alerted us all to a libelous bit of writing by Jeff Vrabel that further convinces me that humans are not to be trusted with ink.

When possible, I like to keep close tabs on the world of octopuses, for two reasons: 1. Everybody has their hobbies, mine just involves cephalopod mollusks and don’t you judge me, and 2. I often get the feeling that they’re plotting something.

It’s like a weird sixth sense/octopus whisperer sort of thing. Come on – you know you’ve had that feeling, when you’re at home alone on a rainy night, reading by the midnight light of a single lamp, when all of a sudden you’re alarmed by a subtle yet inescapable fear that there’s an octopus over your shoulder watching you. Yeah. So it’s best if a few of us are just keeping an eye on them, is what I’m saying.

The Deep Sea News guys sum it up in their title: “Cephalopods Are Nuts”.

*ahem*

We’re not nuts, we’re just vindictive
And if history’s predictive
You can trace the simple logic that should quake you to your core
Take a glance at any menu
Look for “calamari”, then you
Have a taste of what humanity thinks squid are destined for.
People order up their sushi
Without wondering just who she
Used to be before they sliced her up and threw her on some rice.
People think it doesn’t matter
That what’s now your Tako Platter
Was an octopus, intelligent and social and quite nice.
Even cuttlefish are fried up,
Sometimes smoked or merely dried up
And available for purchase just like any other snacks!
With our lives so torn asunder
I must say that it’s no wonder
Every now and then, some octopus or squid just sorta cracks.
So if you are going fishing
For a humboldt squid, start wishing
That the rest of us don’t see you as you’re reeling in our friends;
Cos for those who know the history
It comes as no great mystery—
You’ve eaten us for much too long; it’s time to make amends.

Yeah, that’s right–just like it says on the label–this cuttlefish is prepared!

Comments

  1. says

    Superb as usual. But I thought Friday was limerick day? So possibly relevant to today’s topic, but possibly irrelevant to today’s scientific knowledge: There was a fellow called Vrabel who On evolution had an unstable view. This may surprise But octopus eyes Can see better than we are able to. Our optic nerves give us a blind spotBut cephalopods have somehow gotThe layout reversed.So humans are cursedWith defects that cuttles have not.

  2. says

    Very nice!!And you will see that today’s Friday Limericks is a fairly fishy topic, so your limericks are absolutely spot on for today!

  3. says

    You are surely aware of the Dinosaur Comics freaky cephalopod neighbors sequence?T-Rex: Damned sinister raccoons are still hanging around outside my house! And just when I thought things couldn’t get more freaky, their cephalopod friends showed up! I was like, “What? AAAAHHHHH!”Dromiceiomimus: Cephalopods? Like squid? T-Rex: Squid, cuttlefish, and other similarly baleful creatures are all members of the cephalopod family, characterized by HUGE EYES, BEAKS, INTELLIGENCE, and AMBITION.Utahraptor: I thought cephalopods were underwater animals! T-Rex: They played us for suckers!!Utahraptor: Well, maybe they’re friendly! Maybe they just want to be your friend?T-Rex: They’re jet powered, did you know that? They’re jet-powered animals and their heads are covered in PREHENSILE TENTICLES. They’re carnivorous and most are cannibals!http://www.qwantz.com/archive/000493.htmlhttp://www.qwantz.com/archive/000494.htmlhttp://www.qwantz.com/archive/000500.html http://www.qwantz.com/archive/000524.htmlhttp://www.qwantz.com/archive/000888.html

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