Mar 15 2008

I Thought I Saw An Atheist

P-Zed reports that The Atheists Are Coming!

I thought I saw an atheist, once, walking down the street.
I checked for horns, I checked for tail, I checked for cloven feet;
Began to tremble frightfully—my heart was in my throat—
Then sighed in happy recognition, for ‘twas but a goat.

I thought I saw an atheist, down near a swollen stream
With scaly skin, and blood so cold, I couldn’t breathe to scream!
I looked into his bulging eyes, and prayed “God, grant my wish”
Then laughed in my embarrassment—it only was a fish.

I thought I saw an atheist, with fur and pointed claws,
And wicked teeth for chewing up Judeo-Christian laws,
I ran, and tripped, and fell to earth, then hid behind a log—
It caught me, though, and licked my face—of course, it was a dog.

I thought I saw an atheist, though cleverly disguised
Not giant and reptilian, but human, normal sized,
It looked to be engaging in productive, useful labor;
But no, this was no atheist—this person was my neighbor!

I thought I saw an atheist; in fact, I saw a few!
My neighbor, and the grocer, and the cop, and maybe you!
I even found some in the church, right there beneath the steeple;
It turns out, to my great surprise… that atheists are people.


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  1. 1

    Charming. Truly :)

  2. 2

    Absolutely marvelous

  3. 3

    You’re a genius fish you make it look so easyThough I guessed over there they call him PeeZee ?

  4. 4
    Naoki Ninetails

    you’re like the shel silverstein of atheism. <3

  5. 5

    How do you do it!!!??

  6. 6

    Thank you, all of you.Naoki, there are few comparisons I would be less flattered by!Nice, r n b — As you might guess, given your verse, I call him whichever rhymes. Most times.jakk and darren–welcome!bmcwc… I have a really spectacular muse.

  7. 7
    Mathew Wilder

    Yeah, Shel Silverstein! Really? That’s awful. You’re amazing, Cuttle.

  8. 8

    Wonderful. I would guess, rather Lewis Carrol than Shel Silverstein:”I thought I saw a banker’s clerkDescending from a busI looked again, and saw it wasA hippopotamus”

  9. 9

    Very nice Cuttlefish, I couldn’t help but link!

  10. 10

    Thanks, Mathew and Zilch…Makita, you say that like it’s a bad thing! Thanks for the link! That’s why I post them, after all…

  11. 11

    Oh wow! This is amazing!

  12. 12

    This is so cool. It’s going in my permanent bookmark list. p.s. you won my limerick competition – big surprise! Congratulations!

  13. 13

    Well done!

  14. 14

    Stupendous and hilarious!

  15. 15

    Wow very nicely done.

  16. 16
    An American

    Normally I have a fair bit of disdain for poetry but, “I thought I Saw An Atheist” is excellent. I will no doubt show it to my friends.

  17. 17
    margaret downey

    I would like permission to reprint this poem in the Freethought Society newsletter. To whom do I obtain permission? Who is the author?

  18. 18

    I am the author. Unless explicitly stated, every bit of this doggerel is mine. And yes, you have my permission.©2008, The Digital CuttlefishAnd the blog URL, if you can. If you pay for contributions, email me and we can talk.

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