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Jun 05 2012

Because I am an atheist: Denis Robert

Today’s contribution was submitted as a comment by Denis Robert:

Because I am an atheist…

…I no longer feel cursed.

I’m an Aspie (Asperger’s Syndrome), and throughout my life, I felt like I was targeted by whatever my conception of the divine was at that time for “special attention”. I kept having difficulties no one else I knew had. I had no relationships, or bad relationships. I just couldn’t adapt to my educational environments, even when I excelled (perfect GPA, Dean’s list).

Once I finally gave up on the concept of some sort of Agency underlying the Universe (I went through a dozen iterations of the concept, from my Catholic upbringing to a very new-agey/pagan view to a relatively long interest in Aleister Crowley), I was liberated of this delusion. I really saw that my “condition” was just that: a condition, a state of being. It was up to no one but myself to make the most of it, and no amount of wishing could make it any different; only acceptance of who I was, and hard work to dull the hardest aspects of my “condition” would make my life any better.

And it has. I’m free of this overarching sense that I’m “specially targeted”. It’s given me a sense of self I never had, a belief in my own power, and a healthy dose of modesty: I’m just a human being. And that’s more than good enough for me.

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1 comment

  1. 1
    Katalina

    Ah, the relief of realizing we have power over our own lives and we aren’t just puppets in “God’s plan!” I appreciate your comments and this series – more than I can say.

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