Mar 19 2012

I win! Damning video evidence

So I thought we could just ‘agree to disagree‘ (which means that I am right, but you disagree) on this whole “cats vs. dogs” thing. I thought the heat had died down and the FTBorg could just resume quietly hating each other like a normal dysfunctional blogging collective.

Clearly I overestimated the restraint and good sense of my colleagues.

Almost as one (as though they’ve been colluding behind my back), the pro-cat posts have been coming fast and furious:

  • I probably should have expected Greta’s treachery - the parasites are strong in that one;
  • Jen, for all her otherwise brilliance, did not surprise me with her tag-team feline confederacy;
  • Dana has chosen her side, and chosen poorly. So be it – when the otter uprising happens, she will not be spared;
  • But Jason… sweet Jason… I thought better of you. I truly did. This fence-sitting bullshit will not stand. Pick a side, man! We’re at war here.

I didn’t want to take ‘the nuclear option’, but apparently with the pro-cat forces of the world stacked against me and few allies to be found, I am left with little recourse. I have been vouchsafed a piece of damning video evidence that shall resolve this issue once and for all. Sure, cats act like cats when nobody’s watching, but if you manage to sneak up on them unawares, you’ll find the story is something else entirely:

You saw it here first, folks. Even cats think dogs are better, and when given the opportunity they will ‘dog it up’. However, upon being caught, they will revert to their cowardly selves. Sure, there are videos out there that show dogs meowing, but they do it in the spirit of open mockery, not in secret.

Dogs are better than cats – even cats think so.

I trust this will be the end of this foolishness and I can go back to dealing with human topics.

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  1. 1

    Hah! Show me a dog who can meow, and we’ll talk.

  2. 2

    Show me a dog that wants to.

  3. 3

    Another “dog person” fails to see the brilliance of cat stratagem. Bark-mimicry allows cats to disrupt the lines of dog communication, relaying false orders in the continuing struggle. Clean, efficient, and lets the enemy destroy themselves.

  4. 4
    Pierce R. Butler

    Odd that a post about dawgs ‘n’ catz should attract an ad for “Doctor Formulated Homeopathic Parasite Cleanse” from vaxa.com.

    Only cat-people would care enough to buy products of >99.999…% water to keep their pets’ parasites clean.

  5. 5

    Aren’t you worried you’re committing a false dichotomy? I mean everyone knows that bunnehs are far superior to both cats and dogs. But then you obviously know this by trying to pick on the cats where you at least have a chance of winning some points :P

  6. 6
    Alyson Miers

    I think it’s kind of entertaining how, when the opposition posts tons of cat videos and pics, you respond with…another cat video.

    So, if I were to support your side, I’d do it by sharing kitten pics along with a story of me pointing and laughing at said kitten.

    I could just as easily dig up a video showing tons of cute puppies scampering around with Christmas gift boxes, but since you’re into posting cat-centric content…

  7. 7

    Naw, the time has come for this campaign to go negative. It’s not just “dogs are good”, it’s “cats are flip-floppers”

  8. 8

    It’s not flip-flopping! It’s an excellent example of mimicry. In, um, nature. Or possibly mockery. You never know. That cat could be saying anything. ANYTHING!

  9. 9

    Even though I’m a dyed-in-the-fur cat person, I love this video of Corgi puppies harassing a cat. I leave this as a peace offering.

  10. 10

    Oh noes, Nepenthe your linky no worky.

    Also, Dog vs. Otter cage match!

    Spoiler: Otter wins! :D

  11. 11
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    Nepenthe, you done did sumpin’ od teh yer link.

  12. 12
    Alyson Miers

    I would like to see one of these videos that show dogs meowing in open mockery. Linky?

  13. 13

    Yes! My peace offering was a 404 error! Hah!

  14. 14
    Jason Thibeault

    I am an impartial reporter on the front lines. Do not disparage the freedom of the press! (Also, turtles.)

    And anyway, the video I posted had a cat who fetches and pants.

  15. 15
  16. 16

    Find me a cat that fetches pants and I’ll be mucho impressed.

  17. 17

    That cats mock dogs is hardly surprising. I myself used to do a spot-on Ronald Reagan imitation. But it didn’t mean I thought he was better than me.

  18. 18

    Did you do it when nobody was looking? As a secret tribute? Because of how much you loved him but were ashamed to say?

  19. 19

    We’ve got one that does slippers (sorry, no video, it’s not on demand). That good enough?

  20. 20

    I… said… PANTS!

  21. 21

    First of all, I’m not “parasite-infested.” The preferred term is “symbiont.”

    Second of all, I

  22. 22

    Sorry about that, the cat needed me. Where were we?

  23. 23

    You just can’t face anything that violates the canonormative standard of the dog fetching slippers for their master.

  24. 24

    Find us a dog that fetches pants!

    I mean, have fun googling out of shape Retrievers for the rest of your life >:D

  25. 25
    Jeff Sherry

    Kittens are fabulous, the trouble is they turn into cats.

    Now dogs on the other side remain puppyish their entire life.

  26. 26

    6 pound, 13 year-old cat VS. 86 pound, 3 year-old German Shepard

    Who wins? Cat… every, single time. You can’t even give that dog a stuffed cat toy. It will run and hide.

    The dog got mauled. 8 stitches and 6 months of anti-biotic cream*.

    * No, cat’s paws are NOT clean like the rest of them.

  27. 27
    'Tis Himself

    Damn, Crommunist, you play dirty sometimes. Accusing someone of being a closet Reaganite is hitting below the belt.

  28. 28

    I don’t fuck around with this dog & cat shit. Racism, religion, sexism, homophobia… that’s all just interesting discussion topics. Pets – homey don’t play.

  29. 29

    I believe the word “mock” was plain enough…

  30. 30

    Hell, the cat wins every time here too.

    And it’s not even a fight. The cats are being friendly and trying snuggle up to him. He gets up and leaves. It’s amusing watching the cat follow, throw himself down next to the dog, rinse, repeat.

  31. 31

    I’ve been away for a few days and missed this resurgence of the war, but I have to tell you – I love you guys! Cats, dogs, otters, turtles…this is the best blogging site anywhere!

    And it’s been a really terrible month, so I truly appreciate any laughs I can get.

    Keep fighting, please. The amusement value cannot be overstated.

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