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Apr 02 2013

Guest post: Give her a ringy-dingy

Because it’s too funny to blush unseen in a comment, Anthony K on the coming utopia when we will all pick up the phone, instead.

This is great!

Problem with Jenny McCarthy’s anti-vaxxerism? Give her a ringy-dingy.

Don’t like Pope Francis’ take on condoms, abortion, or same-sex marriage? Call him up and say ‘Ciao’.

Ken Ham’s creationism got you down? Chat him up over coffee.

Unless one subscribes to a Manichean worldview in which there are atheoskeptics to which such friendly benefit-of-the-doubting applies and everybody else to which it doesn’t, these policies spell the end of professional atheoskepticism, ostensibly to be replaced by a massive call centre.

“Hi, Judd Miller? This is Anthony K, calling on behalf of the International Brotherhood of Atheists and Skeptics. Yes, I’m calling in regard to a recent rally you held to preserve the white race from Jewish infiltration? Yes, I’m calling to correct a few misapprehensions you may be holding about Jews—*click*! Damn.  *Dials another number* Hi, Judith Miller, this is Anthony K, calling on behalf of the International Brotherhood of Atheists and Skeptics. Yes, how are you? I’m sorry if I caught you at dinner and over a decade too late, but I wanted to chat with you about how you were wrong with regard to the WMDs—*click*! Damn. *Dials another number* Hello, Gregory Millhearn? Yes, this is Anthony K calling on behalf of the International Brotherhood of Atheists and Skeptics. I understand you wrote a letter to the editor in the Podunk Star Tribune Herald about a link between high voltage power transmission lines and birth defects in the latest litter by your cat mittens? Yes, I’m giving you the courtesy of a telephone call to correct some misinformation…”

But I am curious: if the idea is to protect the church from public embarrassment at all costs, why not just phone up the Vatican and get a copy of their handbook?

5 comments

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  1. 1
    NitricAcid

    I remember reading a book of practical jokes that claimed that you could call the Vatican and leave a prayer request on an answering machine for him. This was in the context of promoting a prank where you phoned someone, recorded their answering machine message, and then called a second person, leaving the first person’s answering machine greeting as a message on the second person’s answering machine. Never bothered to call the pope to find out.

  2. 2
    yazikus

    After reading this post I now have Raffy’s Banaphone stuck in my head http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5C6X9vOEkU complete with the line “we’ll call the white house, have a chat”. And a children’s song is exactly where the whole ‘just give them a call’ mentality belongs.

  3. 3
    Great American Satan

    Let us close this open letter and toss it in the shredder.

  4. 4
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    The real question is:
    Why didn’t they just pick up the phone but decided to post an open letter on the internet?

  5. 5
    A Hermit

    Stephanie Zvan has an excellent post about the letter here: http://freethoughtblogs.com/almostdiamonds/2013/04/02/how-the-internet-fits-in/#more-4979

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