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How will billionaires be able to afford to buy politicians?

Andy Borowitz asks.

a consortium of billionaires today warned that if their taxes are raised they will no longer have enough money to buy politicians.

The group, led by casino billionaire Sheldon Adelson, commissioned a new study showing that the cost of an average politician has soared exponentially over the past decade.

While the American family has seen increases in the cost of food, health care and education, Mr. Adelson says, “those costs don’t compare with the cost of  buying a politician, which has gone through the roof.”

That is very worrying. Food, health care, education and housing are all luxuries, of course, but the ability for billionaires to afford to buy politicians is non-optional.

Plus think of all the jobs!

The Vegas magnate complains that the media has ignored billionaires’ essential role in giving jobs to politicians who would otherwise have difficulty finding “honest work of any kind.”

“Billionaires are providing employment for a group of seriously incompetent and marginal people,” Mr. Adelson says. “You raise taxes on us, and who’s going to create those jobs? I really don’t think people have thought this through.”

He’s forgetting the Catholic church…

Comments

  1. wilsim says

    Is this real?

    Wow.

    Well, it’s nice he is coming out and saying what everyone else knew all along.

    I, for one, could do without billionaires “helping” otherwise unemployable people get political jobs.

  2. Rodney Nelson says

    Adding insult to injury for America’s billionaires, he says, “the simple dream of someday owning a President is slipping out of reach.”

    “People think a billion dollars buys you a President, but they’re wrong,” he says. “It barely gets you a lemon like Mitt Romney.”

    Another life-long ambition dashed to pieces.

    <weeps>

  3. thebookofdave says

    Foreign investment in US politicians is still going strong. Is Sheldon Adleson suggesting Americans aren’t innovative or determined enough to compete in the elections securities market?

  4. patterson says

    I don’t know if anyone’s seen the Queen of Versailles but the banality and fantastic stupidity of the trade in politicians really is shocking.

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