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  1. No Light says

    Only pink pens can get our ladythinks out properly. I even type in pink.

    Here are some reviews of the pens, from Amazon:

    1. My man friend helped me to order this product as he said it would be very useful for me, and this morning it dropped onto my doormat. I was very disappointed to find that this isn’t a pair of shoes, an oven, or dishwashing soap. I don’t really know what you expect me to do with it/them, to be honest – which is a shame, because I like the colours. I’ve arranged the thingies into a pretty glass vase for now xoxoxox

    2. I am a huge fan of the gender binary. Without it, it’s very hard to work out who to oppress … I write things, but not often enough to require 12 pens. Seriously – the only feminine person I can think of who produces that many words is Barbara Cartland, and she lies on a chaise longue while someone else writes down her dictation in any case. How many thoughts do you think I have in my pretty pretty head, bic?
    Even if I did have a moment of wisdom, I would feel ashamed, keep it secret and hope like hell it would pass before anyone noticed.

    3. As a MILLIONAIRE AUTHOR of BESTSELLING TECHNO-THRILLERS, I have to say that I was very disappointed with this pen. Whenever I tried to write punchy, in-your-face prose about the nuclear payload capabilities of the B-2 Northrop-Grunmann stealth bomber, I found myself instead writing about shopping, cocktails and friendship. And when I tried to write the title ‘OPERATION CRISIS POINT’ at the top of the page, I found myself writing ‘DIARY OF A THIRTYSOMETHING’ instead. Is Jeremy Renner gonna want to star in the movie adaptation of that? IS HE HECK.

    4. I feel I must complain in the strongest terms about the sexism of this item. Where are the “For Him” pens? How can I embrace my masculinity, when there is no pen for me? Am I destined to just watch all of the women around me falling into a sparkly dream of ponies, crochet and butterflies, while I pace angrily here, unable to access the manly world of construction vehicles, barbeques, motor racing and science? I can barely adjust my crotch, I am so angry.

    5. I can’t help but be disturbed by the phallic symbolism of these pens. As a lady of refinement, the last thing I want to do is to be seen holding something resembling a gentleman’s “member” in my expensively manicured hands. What happens in the bedroom is one thing but what happens in public is another!

    6. Before I bought this product I couldn’t write but now I’m an engineer. Mind you, I only design pink, flowery bridges, motorways and sewers. Blue ones would be wrong wouldn’t they.

    7. I can’t recommend this product at all. I didn’t pay attention to BIC’s blurb and didn’t realise they were designed for female hands and not male ones. It just didn’t work but when I gave one to a female colleague she had no problem using it, obviously BIC are onto something here but I don’t know what it is.
    All was not lost however, I found that by removing the ink cartridge the outer layer is great for smoking crack as the rubber sleeve prevents it slipping from my fingers once I’m blazed.

    8. I bought this pen (in error, evidently) to write my reports of each day’s tree felling activities in my job as a lumberjack. It is no good. It slips from between my calloused, gnarly fingers like a gossamer thread gently descending to earth between two giant redwood trunks.

    9. I tried these on a whim, and I have to say I wasn’t very impressed. The applicator mechanism is far too fiddly, and the plastic tampon inside far too thin (not to mention uncomfortable and non-absorbant) – I’m sure there must be a knack to using them, but I couldn’t find it. They also stained my knickers blue for some reason. I really wanted to like these, but it’s back to pads for me.

    10. How could I have missed my own deep inner need for such a product? It’s just perfect for ramming straight up the hogs’ eye of any sexist man I happen to be oppressed by – no more tabasco-dipped nasty old medical catheters for the misogynists in my life!

    11. Pray, what is a ‘pen’? I do like it so, because it is so pink, but I remain ignorant as to its practical use. Father says not to ask questions because it might give me wrinkles, and to carry on practising my charming giggle so I can one day ensnare a Duke – but I cannot help but be intrigued by the delicate pinkness of this curio. I can only assume that because it is pink, it is intended for a woman’s useage. I am a woman, therefore perhaps I should have this pink so-called pen?

    12. Despite the hype, and the colour, and the talk of buttons and tips moving in and out, this was the worst dildo ever.

  2. says

    No Light – brilliant.

    I have to say that was the most useless piece of kit I have ever bought on an impulse. What’s it for? It’s too thin for applying lippy, the colour doesn’t spread enough for mascara, and when I tried painting my nails, it left thin, indelible lines.

  3. Freodin says

    The reviews are hillarious… but on a more serious note: I don’t know which though frightens me more… whether there are or are not women on the BIC R&D team.

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