[Content note: BDSM] Greta Christina has a new book of kinky erotic stories out. It’s called Bending and I read it and it’s great. So I interviewed her about the book and the process and ethics of writing porn. If you’re curious why I refer to them as “dirty stories” and not “erotica,” Greta herself …
Tag Archive: consent
Feb 16 2013
“Consent Is Sexy” Is Useful But Also Kind Of Sketchy
I’m at the University of Chicago’s Sex Week, where I’ve seen a bunch of great talks, including one by Cliff Pervocracy! So I have sex on my mind (well, as usual). I often write about very well-intentioned principles or campaigns that have blind spots and negative implications. Here’s another example. “Consent is sexy” is one …
Dec 05 2012
Victoria’s Secret Doesn’t Actually “Love Consent,” But It Should
This morning I discovered that Victoria’s Secret has a new line of underwear. It’s called “Pink Loves Consent” and features slogans like “Let’s talk about sex,” “No means no,” “Ask first,” and “Consent is sexy.” The models on the website have all kinds of different body types and they’re not all white. I immediately loved …
Tags: business, communication, consent, fashion, marketing, rape culture, satire, sex, victoria's secret
Nov 15 2012
“Women just need to learn to say no.”
Every time people talk about coercive sex–you know, the kind where someone manipulates someone into having sex with them as opposed to physically forcing them–the concern trolls come out in droves.
“You can’t expect men* to only ask once!” they prattle. “Women* just need to learn how to keep saying no! It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there! If you don’t learn how to stand up for yourself you’ll get screwed over!”
Oct 15 2012
Guess What: Rape’s Not Funny When the Victim is a Man, Either
I know Jezebel is low-hanging fruit, but I can’t resist picking apart their new “Sexytime Dilemmas” column and its endorsement of sexual assault, which apparently is okay when the target is a man. One of the letter-writers wants to know how to get a guy to try anal play. Jezebel’s “sexpert” responds (TW for sexual …
Sep 09 2012
Consent Does Not "Ruin the Moment"
People who oppose sensible things like anti-harassment policies at conferences keep bringing up the same tired myths about dating, sex, and romance: that it’s very important to have “mystery” and that making things clear and explicit “takes away the fun” and, worst of all, that asking for consent “would ruin the moment.” I encounter this …
Tags: consent, harassment, rape, sex, sexual assault, sexual harassment
Sep 09 2012
Consent Does Not “Ruin the Moment”
People who oppose sensible things like anti-harassment policies at conferences keep bringing up the same tired myths about dating, sex, and romance: that it’s very important to have “mystery” and that making things clear and explicit “takes away the fun” and, worst of all, that asking for consent “would ruin the moment.” I encounter this …
Tags: consent, harassment, rape, sex, sexual assault, sexual harassment
Aug 22 2012
Rape and Activism Are Not Mutually Exclusive: The Case Against Assange
It’s disturbing that the debate about Julian Assange and the rape charges against him has taken on such a black-and-white quality. Either Assange did a terrible thing with WikiLeaks and ought to be tried for treason and is a vile rapist to boot, or WikiLeaks was an important and necessary project and Assange was right …
Mar 20 2012
On Coercion and a Different Social Ethic
One of my favorite bloggers once wrote a post about the idea of “consent culture” as an alternative to rape culture. After describing various ways to help create a culture of consent surrounding sex, she brilliantly expands the idea to social interactions in general: I think part of the reason we have trouble drawing the …
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- itchbay-srps:
brute-reason:
Sometimes when I’m texting/IMing/exchanging OKC messages/whatevering...itchbay-srps: brute-reason: Sometimes when I’m texting/IMing/exchanging OKC messages/whatevering with someone I like, I still get this little voice that’s like “you shouldn’t be responding to them so quickly OR ELSE THEY’LL NEVER LIKE YOU” but then I realize that life is too short for this fucking bullshit. Fuck that noise. If anything, you can tell a lot by […]
- I know you don't need me to tell you this, but: don't let people get you down for showing a more personal side on your blog, if any are. I think it's great for your work and great for people trying to understand the life and mind of at least one, or one more, feminist. :)Thanks! :) Nobody’s given me crap for it yet. If they do, I’ll ask them politely to crawl out of their own ass. I don’t write for anyone but myself and my own goals. […]
- Sometimes when I’m texting/IMing/exchanging OKC messages/whatevering with someone I like, I...Sometimes when I’m texting/IMing/exchanging OKC messages/whatevering with someone I like, I still get this little voice that’s like “you shouldn’t be responding to them so quickly OR ELSE THEY’LL NEVER LIKE YOU” but then I realize that life is too short for this fucking bullshit. […]
- "You know what I love? When people don’t see my race. There is nothing more affirming for me as..."“You know what I love? When people don’t see my race. There is nothing more affirming for me as a person than to have essential parts of myself and my experience completely disregarded. I mean, inside we’re all the same. And there’s only one race: the HUMAN race! Amirite??? Ugh. Listen. If your ability to respect someone’s right to exist requires pretending […]
- Every minute you spend talking about the horror of the supposed feminists who claim that ALL MEN...Every minute you spend talking about the horror of the supposed feminists who claim that ALL MEN HAVE IT EASY and MEN HAVE NO PROBLEMS is a minute you do not spend talking about feminists who are racist, feminists who don’t care about poor women, feminists who want to criminalize sex workers to “save them,” feminists who use mental illness as the butt of a j […]
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