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May 05 2013

[blogathon] Top Five Celebrities I’m DTF

This is the fifth post in my SSA blogathon, and another reader request (as if I’d ever write it otherwise, haha). Don’t forget to donate!

I don’t follow celebrity news/gossip much, so I knew this would be a bit difficult. However, once I searched deep within my heart I realized that there are indeed at least five celebrities that I’d do. Spoiler alert: only one is a man. MISANDRY. Here you go!

5. Natalie Portman.

Did you know that Natalie and I are both from Israel? Well, we are! So we already have something in common.

Not only is Natalie a fantastic actress (V for Vendetta and Black Swan are two of my favorite movies), but she’s intelligent and loves learning. She got a degree in psychology from Harvard and said, “I don’t care if [college] ruins my career. I’d rather be smart and a movie star.” She’s an advocate for various progressive causes, including animal rights and antipoverty. While a bit of cynicism is certainly warranted when it comes to celebrities taking up political causes, according to Fareed Zakaria, “she really knew her stuff.”

Besides that, come on, she’s gorgeous and if you disagree you can go ahead and leave.

Natalie Portman.

4. Kristen Stewart.

Alright, this will be controversial, so let me explain.

I like Kristen because she gives so few fucks. She doesn’t care if you think she’s not “grateful” enough for her success. She doesn’t care if you don’t like that she doesn’t do her womanly duty to smile and look happy for the camera at all times. She doesn’t care if you’re pissed that she doesn’t keep playing her role off-screen by having a fairytale romance with Edward I mean, Robert Pattinson.

Besides, she totally does smile. When she fucking feels like it.

Kristen Stewart. Smiling!

3. M.I.A..

Her actual name is Mathangi Arulpragasam, but M.I.A. is her stage name. Her music is unique and catchy and her activism is serious. She’s not afraid to call out the implicit sexism and racism of mainstream media and to keep going despite death threats against her and her son because she criticized the Sri Lankan government.

On a lighter note, M.I.A. has a really cool fashion sense, and she refused to be featured in People magazine’s “Most Beautiful People” issue. Fuck you, People.

M.I.A.

2. Mila Kunis.

I’ve had a total crush on Mila since Black Swan, but what really cemented it was her response to a reporter while she and Justin Timberlake were on tour promoting Friends With Benefits. The reporter asked Justin why he was focusing on making movies rather than music in a way that implied judgment, and Mila fired back, asking him why Justin shouldn’t do what he feels like doing. Unfortunately for you and not for me, all of this happened in Russian.

Further, she’s going to be producing a TV show about the women’s liberation movement. I can’t wait for it.

Also, Mila on the GOP: “The way that Republicans attack women is so offensive to me. And the way they talk about religion is offensive. I may not be a practicing Jew, but why we gotta talk about Jesus all the time?”

Why, indeed.

Mila Kunis

1. Jon Stewart.

Fun fact about me: one of my custom cards for Cards Against Humanity is “a threesome with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.” It frequently wins.

GIF of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Jon is dancing around adorably in his seat.

But focusing on Jon for a moment. This man is brilliant, hilarious, progressive, sexy, and generally everything a person should be. He makes adorable faces:

Jon Stewart's googly eyes.

He speaks the truth:

Jon Stewart on Congress.

Even when he’s doing something totally unsexy, he still looks great:

Jon Stewart sticking his tongue out and doing some sort of humping motion? Maybe?

Jon Stewart, everyone.

~~~

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12 comments

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  1. 1
    Gretchen

    Excellent list. I was compelled by a certain podcast to watch The Faculty the other night, a movie I would not have watched otherwise. Jon Stewart, in one of his rare film forays, was by far the best part.

  2. 2
    Gretchen

    On a lighter note, M.I.A. has a really cool fashion sense, and she refused to be featured in People magazine’s “Most Beautiful People” issue. Fuck you, People.

    Yeah, but her reasoning was dumb:

    In 2009, People wanted to place her on their annual list of the world’s most beautiful people but she was the first person in the magazine’s history to decline, stating “Mother Teresa was never on the list.”

    1. 2.1
      Miri, Professional Fun-Ruiner

      Ah, that is rather misguided. But still fuck People. :P

      1. 2.1.1
        Gretchen

        Indeed!

  3. 3
    pitchguest

    I hope you don’t mind if I bookmark and freezepage this post – for referential purposes.

    Lists for who you’re down to fuck. Chuck Norris approves.

    1. 3.1
      Miri, Professional Fun-Ruiner

      Why would you need to bookmark and “freezepage” (I assume that means screencap) any of my posts?

      1. 3.1.1
        JakeLsewhere

        freezepage [dot com] is a 3rd party service that takes screencaps and a copy of the background HTML, CSS, etc and saves it in their cloud servers.

        It does seem odd to want to do that to publicly viewable blog post.

      2. 3.1.2
        Lindsay

        Freezepage! It’s where they keep all the freeze peach.

    2. 3.2
      Gretchen

      Most people approve of joking compilations of celebrities they find sexy.

  4. 4
    slc1

    Re Natalie Portman

    I would also note that Portman was a research assistant to Harvard Law Professor Alan Dershowitz as an undergraduate, a post usually reserved for graduate students. She also was co-author of 2 papers published in a peer reviewed journal as a high school student. I don’t know what her IQ is but I’ll bet it isn’t much lower then Jill StJohn (IQ 160), Judy Holliday (IQ 170) or James Wood (IQ alleged to be 180, he was awarded a full scholarship to MIT upon his graduation from high school).

  5. 5
    Lindsay

    What’s DTF stand for? Dying to Fuck?

    And Natalie Portman rocks. Seeing her in “Thor,” I actually believed she knew what her character (a physicist) was supposed to be talking about*. And it’s very rare that I encounter movies with “technobabble” dialogue that doesn’t trigger my allergic reaction to Bad Science.

  6. 6
    Brett McCoy

    Natalie Portman +1. She totally rocked in ‘Leon’ (aka The Professional), not to mention Black Swan.

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