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The cootie conspiracy

My boyfriend had a cold last week, which of course means I have a cold this week. The perk of out-of-phase illnesses is that I could bring him burritos when he felt crappy, and now he can make me tea when I feel crappy. And that we get to have conversations like this:

Me: Well, it’s not surprising that you got me sick.
Him: You should have gotten your cootie shot.
Me: God, don’t you know cootie shots don’t do anything and are just a conspiracy by Big Pharma in order to steal all of your money?!
Him: Actually, I’ve heard they cause autism too.

Just wait until you see what silly things I say when I’m on Nyquil…which should kick in in about 30 minutes. Weeeee.

 

Comments

  1. E.A. Blair says

    My former tactic to dealing with colds was a triple dose of Nyquil (actually it was the store brand) and taking to bed with a beloved book. There are a number of favorite books I have that I love to re-read when I’m tired or ill because I’ve read them so many times that if I nod off in the middle of a paragraph I don’t miss anything.

    I consider it the intellectual version of comfort food.

  2. Joven says

    As the carriers/originators of cooties, wouldnt a cootie shot do pretty much nothing for an icky girl anyway?

    Its the boys who suffer because they are the ones which the cooties affects, right?

    What about teh Menz!?

  3. ambassadorfromverdammt says

    One day when I was at home sick with the flu, my gf came home from work and gave me a bottle of pills.

    Her: Take these, they should help
    Me: What is it?
    Her: A herbal remedy. All my friends take it
    Me: (reads list of ingredients – a half dozen or so botanical names) This is hay. These are hay tablets!
    Her: No it’s not. It’s good for you.
    Me: I’m a little hoarse, not a little horse.
    Her: I haven’t had a cold since I started taking them.
    Me: I’m a naysayer, not a neighsayer.
    Her: Oh, knock it off and take the damn things.

    And so, she left. And I lay there contemplating the bottle on the coffee table and wondering if the target patient would be more readily identified if it were spelled e-q-u-i-n-a-c-e-a?

  4. glenmorangie10 says

    A couple of days ago, an older woman (late 60s) asked if I get a flu shot each year, and explained that she had just seen a “news show” about the vaccine that suggested it didn’t work and may have harmful side effects. Then she told me that every time she’s had it in the past she’s felt awful afterwards.

    I very gently offered that news media, especially on television, are awful at understanding and reporting medical or scientific news. I also very gently said that people generally might get sick around the time they get a flu shot because they get flu shots at the time that lots of colds are going around. She agreed with me. Then she told me that she didn’t think I should get a flu shot.

    Running through my head throughout this conversation:

    “IT’S FOR YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU THAT I GET THIS VACCINATION! I DON’T LIKE NEEDLES I DON’T LIKE DOCTORS I DON’T LIKE MEDICINE I DON’T LIKE TWO DAYS OF PAIN IN MY ARM I DON’T LIKE WAITING AN HOUR FOR SOMETHING I DON’T LIKE I’M PROBABLY HEALTHY ENOUGH TO COME THROUGH INFLUENZA ALL RIGHT BUT I DO IT FOR YOU STOP TELLING ME WAYS TO INCREASE THE LIKELIHOOD YOU WILL DIE PLEASE OR YOU MIGHT JUST CONVINCE ME!”

  5. Irreverend Bastard says

    Nothing helps.

    When I get a cold, I usually drink Cognac. It’s the best remedy that doesn’t help.

  6. mightyamoeba says

    Personally I like to wait about a week, then put a little of everything in my fridge into the food processor, drink it, and claim it cured me. Then try to sell it as a panacea to everyone I know.

  7. says

    I have rarely been as sore as I have after my flu shot this year. Still, it’s worth not ending up sick or getting my immunosuppressed son sick.

  8. says

    Gah. I swear that the next mom who explains her “anti-vaccine” beliefs to me and brings in the autism argument will be beaten to death with her purse. My son has autism spectrum disorder. He’s also up to date on his shots for a simple reason: the common cold lands him in the PICU — something like measles or whooping cough would kill him. We’ve already had to make the ECMO decision once (they decided against it at the last minute but the releases were signed) and I don’t want to go through that hell again.

    Anyway, the ASD diagnosis has nothing to do with his vaccinations — he was just born this way.

  9. Riptide says

    That damned, oppressive Canadian socialized medicine gave me my cootie shot for free.

    Just rubbin’ it in, is all.

  10. nemothederv says

    Nyquil+Sudafed= Way beyond caring about a cold.
    Not that I would recommend that sort of thing.

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