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Feb 02 2012

The cootie conspiracy

My boyfriend had a cold last week, which of course means I have a cold this week. The perk of out-of-phase illnesses is that I could bring him burritos when he felt crappy, and now he can make me tea when I feel crappy. And that we get to have conversations like this:

Me: Well, it’s not surprising that you got me sick.
Him: You should have gotten your cootie shot.
Me: God, don’t you know cootie shots don’t do anything and are just a conspiracy by Big Pharma in order to steal all of your money?!
Him: Actually, I’ve heard they cause autism too.

Just wait until you see what silly things I say when I’m on Nyquil…which should kick in in about 30 minutes. Weeeee.

 

25 comments

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  1. 1
    E.A. Blair

    My former tactic to dealing with colds was a triple dose of Nyquil (actually it was the store brand) and taking to bed with a beloved book. There are a number of favorite books I have that I love to re-read when I’m tired or ill because I’ve read them so many times that if I nod off in the middle of a paragraph I don’t miss anything.

    I consider it the intellectual version of comfort food.

  2. 2
    Joven

    As the carriers/originators of cooties, wouldnt a cootie shot do pretty much nothing for an icky girl anyway?

    Its the boys who suffer because they are the ones which the cooties affects, right?

    What about teh Menz!?

  3. 3
    LS

    I demand liveblogging of drugged-out Jen.

  4. 4
    Physicalist

    Sick people aren’t supposed to have that much fun.

  5. 5
    Prof. Bleen

    My wife and I are nearly always immune to each other’s viruses. It’s an unusual, but highly fortuitous, compatibility.

  6. 6
    paul

    He sounds like a keeper.

  7. 7
    ambassadorfromverdammt

    One day when I was at home sick with the flu, my gf came home from work and gave me a bottle of pills.

    Her: Take these, they should help
    Me: What is it?
    Her: A herbal remedy. All my friends take it
    Me: (reads list of ingredients – a half dozen or so botanical names) This is hay. These are hay tablets!
    Her: No it’s not. It’s good for you.
    Me: I’m a little hoarse, not a little horse.
    Her: I haven’t had a cold since I started taking them.
    Me: I’m a naysayer, not a neighsayer.
    Her: Oh, knock it off and take the damn things.

    And so, she left. And I lay there contemplating the bottle on the coffee table and wondering if the target patient would be more readily identified if it were spelled e-q-u-i-n-a-c-e-a?

  8. 8
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    Surely some cough stirrup would have been a better choice.

  9. 9
    Rrr

    But saddly, some may also bridle at trotting down that path. It is a tall tail.

  10. 10
    Steve Bowen

    How much did she pony up for that stuff

  11. 11
    glenmorangie10

    A couple of days ago, an older woman (late 60s) asked if I get a flu shot each year, and explained that she had just seen a “news show” about the vaccine that suggested it didn’t work and may have harmful side effects. Then she told me that every time she’s had it in the past she’s felt awful afterwards.

    I very gently offered that news media, especially on television, are awful at understanding and reporting medical or scientific news. I also very gently said that people generally might get sick around the time they get a flu shot because they get flu shots at the time that lots of colds are going around. She agreed with me. Then she told me that she didn’t think I should get a flu shot.

    Running through my head throughout this conversation:

    “IT’S FOR YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU THAT I GET THIS VACCINATION! I DON’T LIKE NEEDLES I DON’T LIKE DOCTORS I DON’T LIKE MEDICINE I DON’T LIKE TWO DAYS OF PAIN IN MY ARM I DON’T LIKE WAITING AN HOUR FOR SOMETHING I DON’T LIKE I’M PROBABLY HEALTHY ENOUGH TO COME THROUGH INFLUENZA ALL RIGHT BUT I DO IT FOR YOU STOP TELLING ME WAYS TO INCREASE THE LIKELIHOOD YOU WILL DIE PLEASE OR YOU MIGHT JUST CONVINCE ME!”

  12. 12
    Michael Brew

    Sweet, it looks like everyone else here is on drugs, too.

  13. 13
    richardelguru

    Gee!
    Woah with the horse puns already!

  14. 14
    Irreverend Bastard

    Nothing helps.

    When I get a cold, I usually drink Cognac. It’s the best remedy that doesn’t help.

  15. 15
    Rrr

    OK. Why was the flu cure on the coffing table? (Can’t have been a hoarse flu:)

  16. 16
    JamesY2

    I remember a line from a webcomic:
    “Hey, alcohol kills germs, right?”

  17. 17
    Feats of Cats

    Personally I like to wait about a week, then put a little of everything in my fridge into the food processor, drink it, and claim it cured me. Then try to sell it as a panacea to everyone I know.

  18. 18
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    So this explains the persistent comment thread pollution on the Komen post? :/

  19. 19
    jen

    I have rarely been as sore as I have after my flu shot this year. Still, it’s worth not ending up sick or getting my immunosuppressed son sick.

  20. 20
    jen

    Gah. I swear that the next mom who explains her “anti-vaccine” beliefs to me and brings in the autism argument will be beaten to death with her purse. My son has autism spectrum disorder. He’s also up to date on his shots for a simple reason: the common cold lands him in the PICU — something like measles or whooping cough would kill him. We’ve already had to make the ECMO decision once (they decided against it at the last minute but the releases were signed) and I don’t want to go through that hell again.

    Anyway, the ASD diagnosis has nothing to do with his vaccinations — he was just born this way.

  21. 21
    Riptide

    That damned, oppressive Canadian socialized medicine gave me my cootie shot for free.

    Just rubbin’ it in, is all.

  22. 22
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    Huh. I never have much in the way of difficulty. O.o

  23. 23
    nemothederv

    Nyquil+Sudafed= Way beyond caring about a cold.
    Not that I would recommend that sort of thing.

  24. 24
    bcoppola

    Whiskey, honey, a bit of lemon juice. Repeat as needed desired.

  25. 25
    grimm

    Your boyfriend needs a steady intake of burritos while he has a cold?

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