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Oh gay stereotypes

Thursday night: Gay Male Friend lets me sleep on his futon

Gay Male Friend: Okay, so here’s your futon, and I’ve put out two different blankets in case you get cold, and there are three pillows but let me know if you want more, and there’s a towel in the bathroom on the door you can use, and in the morning I’ll make breakfast!
Me: You don’t have to make me breakfast…
Gay Male Friend: I know I don’t have to, but I want to!

Morning rolls around…

Gay Male Friend: What do you want to drink? I have orange juice, apple juice, milk -
Me: Uh, apple juice would be great.
Gay Male Friend: Oh, and this is my awesome pancake recipe, I hope you like it.
Me: …You’re making pancakes from scratch?
Gay Male Friend: Of course!
Me: …None of my straight male friends are going to do this.

Friday night: Straight Male Friend 1 lets me sleep on couch

Straight Male Friend 1: So, uh, here’s the couch. Let me go get a blanket.
Me: Uh, do you possibly have a towel I could use in the morning?
Straight Male Friend 1: Oh, sure *gets one*
Me: *…tries not to think where the towel has been*
Straight Male Friend 1: I don’t have much to offer for breakfast. I live off a diet of rice and beans.
Me: *laughs*
Straight Male Friend 1: No, I’m serious.
Me:

Saturday night: Straight Male Friend 2 lets me sleep on couch

Me: …Uh, so can I have a blanket?
Straight Male Friend 2: Oh, sure, yeah *gets one*. Okay, good night!
Me: …There’s no pillow… gah… *uses cushion from other couch as emergency pillow*

After this, explaining this trend to Gay Male Friend 2

Me: And Gay Male Friend 1 even made me pancakes!
Gay Male Friend 2: Wait, from a box or from scratch?
Me: From scratch!
Gay Male Friend 2: Oh, good, I make them from scratch too.
Me: Goddamnit, why are all the good ones gay?

Comments

  1. says

    I think it is sad how little straight guys realize how easy it is to impress the ladies by doing simple things like having an extra clean pillow and being able to boil water. Then again, you should have your act together for your own sake. I wonder if gay guys do it because they’ve got enough crap to deal with without having to live like an animal too. BTW, the saying is “why are all the good ones gay OR MARRIED?” :) My wife wouldn’t trade me for anything, and my cooking is a big part of it.

  2. says

    The futon pooped out blankets and pillows and pancakes before it was cracked in two? ;)I’m just giving you guys a hard time, I’m happy you let me crash at your place at all.

  3. says

    That is terrible. If you were sleeping on my couch, I’d make sure you were as comfortable as possible, I’d make you breakfast, goddammit, and lunch too if you stuck around. Screw that, I’d give you my bed and take the couch for myself.

  4. says

    Gay… or married. I’m not gay, but I keep special sheets, blankets, pillows, and even new-in-box toothbrushes for house-guests and breakfast is either eggs and toast or sourdough pancakes if I feel like cooking, or a trip around the corner if I don’t. …but I have been married since I was a teenager, so … make of that what you will. P.S. Welcome to Seattle. You’ll love it here.

  5. Tbranan says

    even though I’m straight, by those standards you would have had a gay old time as a house guest in my house. however I’m also not single, whatever i dropped the ball on my GF would pick up. she can’t cook as well as I can though.

  6. says

    Apparently a lot of us are going to break your stereotype. Maybe it’s because we’re skeptics, and don’t adhere to standard societal stereotypes.I’m straight. I cook. And I can’t stand pancake mixes – they turn out something with the texture and flavor of a kitchen sponge. Of course, I don’t cook as well as my wife.

  7. says

    So I’m not a great cook (I could do eggs, toast, maybe even home fries, but I’ve never made pancakes from scratch) but I do keep extra towels and sheets for guests and depending on the guest I might give up my bed (with fresh sheets ’cause I have two nice sets for my bed) and take the couch myself. Granted, my couch is ridiculously comfortable, more-so than a lot of beds I’ve slept in.I like living in a well kept apartment.

  8. says

    Well, so we have a representative amount of indignant, cooking-inclined straight men sounding off… but what about the gay men who can’t cook worth crap? Where are you guys?

  9. says

    I give a short tour to guests with explicit permission to get what they want, offer them a bed with fresh sheets and plenty of blankets and pillows (including a contour pillow and 3/4 of a space blanket), and provide fresh fruit, eggs, juice, and/or vodka for breakfast. And I do it in full pirate regalia, dammit!

  10. Roki_B says

    I’m a straight male who can cook pancakes from scratch (Or quiche if thats your thing), was taught to be respectful to guests, and will provide clean living accommodations to them. Oh, and I’m a nurse so if they get sick I can provide care.So basically we’re all saying your straight friends are just crappy hosts. I’ve been with various girlfriends for the last four years though, so maybe the demographic of men who can attract a girlfriend are the same ones that can be good hosts. (in bed)

  11. Roki_B says

    Also, come down to Portland and visit. Maybe you can make the skeptics come out of the woodwork. And also come to see all the hipsters, young and old, make their somber way about the city on their fixies while chugging PBR ironically. :D

  12. says

    Hey now, I’m a very conscientious host and haven’t dated much for the last 4 years (granted, a lot of that is due to the trauma of how my engagement ended and emotional recovery). I’m horrible at meeting women but great at being a boyfriend.

  13. Ryanlangford says

    this is just the usual stereotyping, shoving all straight guys into one category….I’ll have you know, I’m straight and make kickass pancakes from scratch.

  14. says

    I also cook pancakes (and many other things including soufflé and quiche) from scratch. Then again, I have also been told that many of my female friends are convinced that I am gay.

  15. LS says

    I actually did make pancakes from scratch, but I don’t do it anymore. It’s a long, horrible story, which basically ends with: “If you eat pancakes for every meal for nine months, then you never want to see another pancake again.”

  16. StoopidTallKid says

    I’m straight and can’t cook worth a damn. If you want breakfast at my place, your options are basically Eggos or Pop-Tarts, and the Eggos are likely 6 months old. If you’re lucky, I have bagels, too. But I will give you a couple blankets and I have a bunch of pillows for my couch. I’m a good host, I just get distracted too easily to cook and not burn stuff.

  17. WhatPaleBlueDot says

    I think it’s just that we don’t tend to teach boys to be considerate. The gay ones manage to pick up on it.

  18. Screamer77 says

    Yay Portland!Hopefully now that she’s about to move to Seattle, she’ll come visit … we should organize a night out like the one in NY. :)

  19. Mike says

    Hey, now! I’m straight and I have an awesome pancake recipe, an awesome waffle recipe (unfortunately no waffle iron, sad panda), can make killer eggs and bacon. And my towels are always clean. :)

  20. Ron Nye says

    You: Goddamnit, why are all the good ones gay?Me: Goddamnit, why do good ones like you lapse into sexism?Or were you just singing a rephrase of Dylan: “But I would not be so all alone Everybody must get gay”

  21. Roki_B says

    I was! But I was also busy at the time, which sucked. (Also was broke).Pub skeptics! Or rather, Skeptical Microbrews! Something of the sort, it would be fun.

  22. says

    “Me: And Gay Male Friend 1 even made me pancakes!”Four friends is not a good sample … For the straight males, like me, how knows how to do a pancake from scratch, I demand a ¡panquake!

  23. says

    I’m taking notes so I can be a good host when I start living on my own.Which means I have to get on that whole cooking thing. I can’t make jack from scratch, but I do have time to learn before I have to buy my own groceries. I seem to recall my dad making banana pancakes from scratch when I was a wee lad in Florida, but there may have been mix involved somewhere.Speaking of which, what’s up with all the pancakes? I much prefer waffles. Or, better yet, sleeping in long enough that it’s lunchtime anyway so we might as well go for Mexican. Mmmmmmm.

  24. says

    I’m straight, I make pancakes from scratch (as well as many other dishes), I believe in being a good host.And I’m single.;D

  25. jimmyboy99 says

    Why couldn’t I ever meet a woman who was impressed with simple stuff like duvets and cooking?????? I do not believe that this is all you wanted Ms McCreight: no women ever did! They wanted you to be witty (OK – a bit drunk I cold manage that maybe); then – when that actually wasn’t enough, tall and dark and good looking? I never found out after that! Straight – and cook well – easy. But there is definitely more to it than that…!

  26. paddy-0 says

    Adding on to all the straight dudes who can cook, I rather enjoy cooking. I love all forms of cooking for the most part (grilling, baking, frying, etc. etc.). Too bad you’re not gonna be in my neck of the woods any time soon. The USVI seems to be too far of a trek for anyone…

  27. Jenn P says

    It sounds like you have a bunch of kind friends, some of whom may just need more practice in the hosting department. I’m one of the ladies who swears she’ll never settle down with a man who can’t cook (I am SO not doing all the cooking; or else we’ll eat out 3 or 4 times a week!) But I’m aware that I was expected to learn how to ‘keep house’: maintain a comfortable home, keep supplies on hand to keep guests and residents comfy, cook at least a few really good meals, entertain, etc, etc, etc. My parents are older, so that may have something to do with it, and we have always had several guests per year staying with us for a few weeks at a time. Plus, I love to eat good food, so I learned to make most of it. My friends and I joke that we’re such good help around the house because we’ve been well trained; and you should see the synchronicity around the kitchens, dining rooms, and barbeques!PS; just n case there are any straight male holdouts reading, I lifted this of of the nice guys at 3 Panel Soul (formerly MacHall):http://www.threepanelsoul.com/

  28. DaveDodo007 says

    There not gay it’s just a ruse to get inside your panties, a sort of tactic so erm as I’ve been told:-)

  29. says

    Uh, a lot of guys are coming out declaring they like cooking. Ok, how many of you are geeks? Because geeks can cook; it’s friggin’ chemistry, so no brownie points for you!The impressive ones are the ones who cook exquisite stuff (like, say, cinnamon and butter twirls, yeast baked with wholemeal and cardamom, with a splash of mellowed custard middle, or perhaps, you know, slow-cooked lamb shanks in a creamy half-tart sauce of portwine goodness, sprinkled with brussel sprouts and garlic over Hassel-baked halved almond potatoes, oh dear I’m hungry now), care about how you’re feeling, fluff your pillows, offer their own bed, basically offer you all that they have. And yes, us married folks are probably better at this for all the obvious reasons. Gays, some cultures, certain people also have a tendency to enjoy these finer moments in relationships with people. Especially when you get kids you realize the value of the human rare encounter that leads to a sleep-over. Embrace those memories! Relish that moment! (Relish?! I’m still hungry)In fact, it’s pretty much straight single males you need to stay clear off. They’re pretty bad. Good for nothing sock-puppets of the crazed sex demon who – admittedly! – you’ll have fun with, but it’s the kind of fun that hurts in the morning. It hurts really bad. Really bad.Uh, or not. All this stereotyping has given me a headache.

  30. Erik P says

    I was at the store today to resupply my drawer of inappropriate starches at my office and my wife asked me to also pick up some varieties of flour. At the checkout, I was startled by the clerk who exclaimed “Wow! A man that cooks!”. I wondered what exactly she thought I would be cooking with the Triscuits, M&Ms, sour gummy worms, and flour, but I ended up saying “I don’t like to be helpless”. Particularly, I don’t think societal gender expectations should force me to be helpless in some area.Why would one ever need a pancake mix? It seems like one would need to be able to accurately measure the mix and liquid added to get the ratio correct, and if you could successfully do that, you could measure all of the raw ingredients just as easily. The only benefit I can see to the mix is if you also needed the box for something else.

  31. cat says

    This is a stereotype (because it picks out groups), but it is also not a terrible generalization in my experience. Gay men are more likley on average than straight men to be considerate friends, good hosts, good cooks, and have goo hygeine. Someone said “I think it’s just that we don’t tend to teach boys to be considerate. The gay ones manage to pick up on it.” Have you ever seen the gay kids coming in freshman year of college? Or the ‘just out of the closet’ kids that wander into gay groups? Other than the ones who are just more high femmey by nature, they are just as rude, filthy, and unskilled as the straight ones. It’s the group of gay men that they come into that teach them, it’s cultural people. Like the lesbians playing guitar thing (seriously, lesbians play guitar at abnormally high rates). It’s not like there’s something about being a dude who screws dudes that makes someone do these things, its that queer subcultures tend to have certain social cultures.

  32. Rollingforest says

    I think that some of the people commenting should remember that she’s just teasing. She even says so on the fifth post down.

  33. paddy-0 says

    Adding… I love cooking, as I mentioned above. Criticize if you feel on this next statement, but one of my favorite shows is “Good Eats.” No matter what AB is showing me how to cook, even if it’s something I never plan on cooking, I still pick up on a technique or two to add to my repertoire. Maybe it’s just the nerd in me, but I can’t resist learning something new…

  34. says

    I’m an excellent cook, I’m straight, I happen to be a believer, and I read this blog.It’s almost like making assumptions about one characteristic based on another characteristic isn’t very scientific or something.

  35. says

    So why is that stereotype OK, but saying that women are less capable in scientific endeavors not OK?I think that both are stupid overgeneralizations, and demonstrably untrue, that do not lead you to good conclusions, so what is the value of either?And why the hell do I have to explain this to a skeptic?

  36. says

    Jen, even some gay guys can’t cook either. I know this for a fact! Being a T-girl and meeting up with gay guys. I have been to some of their houses. One does stand out in mind. He was not a bad cook but housekeeping was very much left to be desired. I prefer a clean and somewhat organized home. I am not perfect myself but I do try my best.

  37. Mollari says

    Hell, I didn’t even know that pancakes could be made not from scratch. For a moment I thought that he is growing his own hens for the eggs (going towards his own wheat and sugar cane seemed a little bit of an overstretch for me as well). Needed some googling to understand what you meantI do admit that I was living on another continent until a month ago.

  38. cat says

    I never said that gay men behave differently via virture of being gay, in fact, I pointed out this wasn’t the case. If you want to apply it to women in science, if you look at the generalization ‘there are less women in science departments, women major in science less, and women score lower on math tests’, you can either argue that this is from nature or that this is from a culture that teaches women to behave certain ways and bars them from certain social circles. “it’s cultural people” is the exact explanation I used for observable discrepancies in behavior. So eat it.

  39. TheAlien says

    I’m wondering how the female straight/lesbian friends whom you’ve stayed with have treated you. In comparison to me. Wish I didn’t have to go to work early that day you stayed with me, but I told you where the towels and breakfast was at least.

  40. timyang19 says

    In restrospect, my friends from highschool stopped teasing my ability to cook better than them when they found out I also took a couple of years of arnis prior to our reunionThe creeped out look one of them gave when I was twirling the steak knife in my hand was priceless. XD

  41. Grant Gordon says

    Yeah I was also wondering about the pancake-in-a-box thing. Weird. I can’t even see a demand for it, you make pancakes from things you already have in your house and takes about a minute to mix up some batter.

  42. Arie says

    I don’t know what it is with North-American man, but all guys I know here (I’m a European, working in Germany) can actually cook. And not just pancakes from scratch, they can actually make a meal. From ‘scratch’ (well, stuff they bought in the supermarket), not pre-fab.Bloody hell, I really do not understand what is this all issue with ‘I can’t cook’ – everybody can fucking cook – just toss some stuff together, and add spices until it tastes good – yes, you need to taste the stuff. If you’re ever going to be a halfway good cook, you need to taste the stuff while you make it. Even if you can’t do that, search for a recipe (allrecipes.com FTW) and follow the bloody instructions. I’m not a native English speaker and I can do that, so surely a significant proportion of the adult men population (lets exclude the illiterate ones) can do that.As for offering sheets – I’d offer the bed, and sleep on a camping mattress on the floor, especially if it is a girl.

  43. MarcusBailius says

    I agree wholeheartedly with Arie there. Over here, we know how to cook, quite a few of us enjoy cooking (how else are we going to get a good pie?!), and most of us own more than three towels. We all know where our towels are.Some of us even keep real beds in the spare room…So, full English on a Sunday morning, mug of tea, nothing beats it…!

  44. says

    To me, this just sounds like a rant in favor of turning all straight guys gay… or that every person on the planet should provide 5-star hotel service at a moments notice. Really? I cook from time to time, but I don’t always have the time. For one thing, you also did not let us know if you just “dropped in” or asked to stay over a day, a week, a month in advance. If a friend will be over (and I know about it in advance) I will definitely make an effort to be a gracious host, but you can’t expect extreme pampering from anyone at your whim. Some people have jobs that keep them busy. Some people just can not cook. I know a few that burn everything they ever try to cook (its the microwave for them). Everyone lives a different way… reminds me of a quote from Harriet the Spy (yes, its an old kids movie): “There are as many ways to live in the world as there are people in it, and everyone deserves a closer look.”

  45. says

    I’m wondering where we trans folk fit into these amusing stereotypes. xD I’m FtM and can’t cook worth a damn. My theory is it’s because I’m awful with math, and cooking is pretty much math for hungry people. My fiancee can coon pretty damn well though, thankfully for both of us. She and I both share a need to be good hosts though, so you’d have a towel in your room and at least a pull-out bed.

  46. says

    Honestly though, I think the only problem is that the straight guys don’t know how to treat a girl they haven’t seen naked.

  47. Timsn274 says

    @arie – not everyone can cook. I think it’s to do with following directions.When my wife met me, she said that I was the tidiest straight male that she had ever met. I can also cook just about anything, although I prefer to experiment than to use a recipe. I also prefer crepes to pancakes, but use a spatula to turn them, not having the coordination to flip them cleanly.@jenny – young girls appear to be more attracted to ‘manly’ men who need help.

  48. says

    Yeah, because if it’s not gay or married, then that would make me gay. I’m pretty sure my wife married me entirely for my pancake expertise.

  49. says

    Sounds like the stereotypes about gamers, particularly Role Playing gamers. In my experience they tend to be oversized, hygiene deficient, have low paying jobs, lack significant others. Not all fit that stereotype but it’s a cliche that Gamers lack hygiene skills for a reason.

  50. Julius says

    Umm, I’m straight and I most resemble your gay friend out of those scenarios. I make pancakes from scratch and I’ll offer you a clean sheet, pillow and duvet if you’re sleeping on my couch. You even get the choice between couch and air-bed, and if I really like you I might even take the couch and offer you my bed.

  51. says

    I make pancakes from scratch for my family every Sunday. It’s one of those Sunday rituals we get to have because we’re not at church. I recommend that Panquake take place on a Sunday morning, but I can make pancakes any day and any time and the family will not object.

  52. says

    I found your sample size inefficientRepeat the experiment with the next 300 males you meet, take notes and inquire sexual preference afterwords to avoid bias.

  53. Jjkosy says

    Pft, I’m a straight male. I make pancakes and give people towels and blankets and pillows. I don’t make the pancakes from scratch… I can. But that takes a while and requires stuff around the house that I don’t use often. I’m too busy these days.But bah! All the good ones are not taken! Women are just evil haha.

  54. unfortunately random says

    It’s not sexism or stereotyping if it’s funny! It’s not like it will frame the argument or set the scene for the room. Especially if other agree with you, then no one is bothered!;) Mind you, we all do such things, it’s a matter of the amount and frequency. If you come to my place I’ll take care of you and try to make you comfy. My wife can do wonderful things in the kitchen but only every 2 months on a whim. Her gay brother is a horrible cook and is randomly inconsiderate. Internet Anecdotes = Datum!

  55. Fatpie42 says

    I also don’t really make pancakes any other way than “from scratch”. Then again, I wouldn’t imagine them being made for breakfast either.

  56. Jwalker1960 says

    I’m straight as can be and I’ve always made pancakes from scratch. Waffles too! And I don’t even have to look at the recipes because there aren’t any. I’ve made my own special adjustments to get them just the way I like, so, when I die, the recipes die with me. Unless of course, you crash on my couch (and you WILL have your own blanket, pillow and towel!), then you can watch me make them and take the secret with you!

  57. EdenBunny says

    I believe an interesting evolution of the meaning of the phrase “from scratch” is occurring.So I’m just curious (about Jen’s description of her gay friends, too), when you say “from scratch”, do you mean you don’t even use a dry pancake mix? That is what it used to mean, but now, using dry mix is often considered “from scratch” because it’s compared to the simple pouring of pre-packaged batter from a store-bought container into a pan, or even less “from scratch”, the usage of frozen pre-cooked pancakes…-I’m also straight, and I’ve made pancakes from dry mix, but not from scratch.If I’m just making the pancakes for myself, I might scratch myself while I’m making them, but I don’t think that counts…

  58. EdenBunny says

    This hypothesis fails to apply Occam’s razor. Even if we assume that every action has an ulterior motive, given that she has more than one apparently gay male friend, and that it is possible that her tales of the hospitality of one apparently gay male friend could reach the ears of all her other apparently gay male friends, there is no reason to assume that any one of these apparently gay male friends is attempting to enable his own performance of a heterosexual act…

  59. Sarah Maddox says

    Andrew, I consider cooking skills super-sexy in any person. You must teach more men!

  60. Der Cat says

    I have a roll out bed under my bed, problem solved. Eggs rosts coffee, orange juce, tea, two or three types green tea earl gray, Irish breakfast Irish rose. Anything With a Splash of Whisky if the rents aren;t up. :P

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