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How to pick up women, according to the Bible

Are you an atheist who’s had dating problems? No wonder! Didn’t you know all the dating advice you need is in the Bible? Why, here are some obvious suggestions for finding a woman that you probably never thought of because of your blaspheming ways:

2) “Lay hold on” a virgin who is not betrothed to another man, and have sex with her, but afterwards pay her father a sum of money. Then she’s yours. (Deut. 22:28-29)

4) Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.–Moses (Ex. 2:16-21)

5) Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.–Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

6) Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.–Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

You can read the rest of these woman-finding tips here. As for finding a man… sorry, the Bible doesn’t give many more tips other than “sit and wait until a man buys/rapes you.” Don’t we have it easy, ladies?!

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