We started at Magic Kingdom and went directly to Space Mountain, so I could conquer my fear of the ride. Of course I got stuck being in the very first car – but it was a lot of fun. I guess things aren’t exactly as scary as you remember them being from 12 years ago.Overall, I had a blast at Magic Kingdom. We went on pretty much every ride, and I don’t think we ever had to wait more than 15 minutes. Hooray for strategically using their Speed Pass system!
And if you’re young enough that you can’t stay by your parent’s side, then mom or dad should be holding your hand. If not, I am probably going to step on you. Seriously, I have no idea how many little kids I trampled at Disney. I’m 5’11” and have big boobs. There’s a cone shaped blind spot around my feet, and if you’re under four feet tall and running at me because of the triple scoop ice cream you just ate (albeit most of it is on your face), you’re going to get kneed in the head.
I’ve also come up with a great idea for a more terrifying replacement to the Haunted Mansion. It wouldn’t cost Disney a lot of money, since all they would have to do is combine parts of already existing rides:
- Take the acid-trip…I mean, honey-trip part of the Winnie the Pooh ride (formerly Toad’s Wild Ride).
- Take the scary Deliverance-like scenes from the Splash Mountain ride.
- Let the robots from It’s a Small World go without maintenance until they’re slightly falling apart and have ragged movements.
- Slow the It’s a Small World music down, lower it an octave, and then make it slightly off key.
Fucking terrifying. (And yes, I went on It’s a Small World, mainly because Ben had never been on it. And yes, the ride decided to stop while we were in the final room. If the US ever needs new interrogation techniques, there you go.)Other random observations about the Magic Kingdom:
- Alien Encounters was turned into some stupid Lilo and Stitch thing! What the hell. That was my favorite ride from last time, and it was legitimately scary. Now it’s just Stitch spitting on you. Lame.
- Apparently they’re now selling Hooker Minnie Mouse:
- The designated smoking area was called Miner’s Cove. This made me giggle.
- We accidentally got on this horrible ride/theater thing about progress, mainly because Jeff thought it was something else. The only comical thing was when they got to the scene about a family living in the “future,” it looked like the late 90’s. I mean, their video game had graphics worse than an N64. This small amusement was not worth them singing “It’s a great big beautiful tomorrow” over and over and over…
- My friends were all going to pitch in to get me a Fairy Princess Makeover. Thank goodness the line was always full of little girls, and they didn’t want to take the opportunity away from them to see me in gaudy sparkly makeup. Especially because this is pretty much how I feel about the Disney Princesses.
We ended up eating at the Winnie the Pooh buffet area. The food, at the time, was the most delicious thing I ever ate. This is almost entirely due to the fact that I was exhausted and starving, especially since we had to wait an hour to get in. In retrospect, it was the same quality as Old Country Buffet and cost $35. The perks were 1) The ability to go back for seconds, thirds, and fourths (hey, we’re college students) and 2) Photos with Tigger, who’s badass. We were all so full we started making jokes about how we were going to have foodbabies later (yes, that’s a poop joke). I was extra classy and joked that maybe I should go have a food abortion (vomit) since I felt so full. Our waiter happened to walk by right at that moment and give me a strange look. Note to self: refrain from poop and abortion jokes in Disney World. Hey, at least I didn’t say it in front of Winnie the Pooh!
By the end of the day, I had come up with a new ride for Disney: Sleeping Beauty. All they would need are a bunch of beds for adults, and a separate play room for children. I think that ride would have the longest wait in the park.
I also bought the most adorable Fat Mickey:
Vanessa: (after buying a Fat Buzz Lightyear) I wonder if they have a Fat Woody.
Me: *laughs like a five year old for about a half hour*
Vanessa: …It was a serious question :(