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Mar 13 2010

Goodbye internet, hello Final Fantasy XIII

Hey guys! I’m on spring break! While usually that would mean I have a lot of free time to blog, unfortunately I went out and bought Final Fantasy XIII. If you don’t understand what that means, you need to read this (multiple friends said they immediately thought of me):To illustrate how much of an FF addict I am, my first thought was “That’s so stupid of him! You rarely use phoenix down, especially if you’re a good player. He should have picked potions or something.”

…Yeah, I’m a FF geek.

Anyway, some preliminary thoughts about the game for those of you who got it or are thinking about getting it (don’t worry, I’m not far enough to really know spoilers yet):

1. The dialog is cheesy as hell. And I mean, cheesy compared to other FF games, even. It’s like watching Final Fantasy Days of Our Lives. I almost vomited during the lovey dovey fireworks scene.

2. Making up for that is the graphics. Oh my god. I’d all HD, and the gameplay looks just as high def as the cut scenes. I’m constantly having an eyegasm.

3. Speaking of cut scenes, wow. I know FF is notorious for them, but so far I feel like there’s a cut scene ever five seconds. Of course, it’s so pretty that I don’t really care.

4. I kind of like the new battle system. I was a little worried since I’m one of those n00bs who like turn based and active time scares me, but I think I’m getting the hang of it. It makes the battles feel a lot more real and important since you have to keep making quick decisions. The in-battle graphics are also great, it actually looks like a real fight instead of someone swinging a sword and a monster that’s a mile away going “ouch.”

5. The black guy is comic relief. Again. Oh, FF. Though his baby chocobo is kind of the cutest thing ever.

6. And finally, Vanille is the girliest girly girl ever. When she’s running she literally skips and prances with her arms up in the air. While in a scary dungeon. Wtf. I mockingly yelled “Yaaaay!” when she was running, and then a half second later she went “Yaaaay!” She’s predictably cute.

Other character: Where’s your mark?
Me: *girly voice* On my butt!
Her: Teehee, here! *lifts up skirt to show the mark on her butt*
Me: …Wow.

Alright, back to playing!

48 comments

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  1. 1
    our.man.jonesy

    Rather thankfully, Jen is funnier than Ctrl-Alt-Delete.

  2. 2
    our.man.jonesy

    Rather thankfully, Jen is funnier than Ctrl-Alt-Delete.

  3. 3
    mcbender

    Wait, let me get this straight. There's a predictable, stereotypical character named "Vanilla"?

    Lampshade hanging for the win.

  4. 4
    mcbender

    Wait, let me get this straight. There’s a predictable, stereotypical character named “Vanilla”?Lampshade hanging for the win.

  5. 5
    Philip Pangrac

    You just lost some respect from this random stranger you've never met for linking to the shittiest webcomic out there. Just so you know.

  6. 6
    Philip

    You just lost some respect from this random stranger you’ve never met for linking to the shittiest webcomic out there. Just so you know.

  7. 7
    thewrittenwordreviews

    OMG I'm a huge Final Fantasy fan.

    BUT I'M BROKE AT THE MOMENT! *cries in corner*

    So I can't actually read half of your post because I don't want to spoil anything or make my impressions biased.

    It's so hard to hold out like this. I'm currently playing FFIV on the DS to try and alleviate the pain.

  8. 8
    thewrittenwordreviews

    OMG I’m a huge Final Fantasy fan.BUT I’M BROKE AT THE MOMENT! *cries in corner*So I can’t actually read half of your post because I don’t want to spoil anything or make my impressions biased. It’s so hard to hold out like this. I’m currently playing FFIV on the DS to try and alleviate the pain.

  9. 9
    TempestBrewer

    I dunno, so far the dialog hasn't made me cringe yet. Maybe I'm a romantic but the engagement scene was kind of cute.

    Playing it on XBox360 here– the mark wasn't on her ass though, just high on her thigh..

    Hope makes me want to stab things, but that's put to rest every time I see Sazh's chocobo chick. WARK WARK!

  10. 10
    TempestBrewer

    I dunno, so far the dialog hasn’t made me cringe yet. Maybe I’m a romantic but the engagement scene was kind of cute. Playing it on XBox360 here– the mark wasn’t on her ass though, just high on her thigh..Hope makes me want to stab things, but that’s put to rest every time I see Sazh’s chocobo chick. WARK WARK!

  11. 11
    givesgoodemail

    Am I the last one in the Twelve Universes that finds the Final Fantasy ("final", get it, "final"??!) titles the teensiest bit ironic?

    I mean, it's totally like "The Return of the Son of the Grandson of the Last Man on Earth".

  12. 12
    givesgoodemail

    Am I the last one in the Twelve Universes that finds the Final Fantasy (“final”, get it, “final”??!) titles the teensiest bit ironic?I mean, it’s totally like “The Return of the Son of the Grandson of the Last Man on Earth”.

  13. 13
    Anonymous

    Did you seriously just link to CAD in a blog where you kvetched about rampant sexism in Superbowl ads? I have to assume you're unfamiliar with the comic, because it's not only infamously unfunny, it's also consistently terrible in its portrayal of women.

    http://refried.timtekindustries.com/index.php?comicID=58

  14. 14
    Anonymous

    Did you seriously just link to CAD in a blog where you kvetched about rampant sexism in Superbowl ads? I have to assume you’re unfamiliar with the comic, because it’s not only infamously unfunny, it’s also consistently terrible in its portrayal of women.http://refried.timtekindustrie

  15. 15
    Jen

    Pablo Picasso was also a horrible misogynist, that doesn't mean I have to hate all of his artwork.

    Anyway, I think some of CAD is funny, though it's not my favorite. This comic was just applicable. Haters can suck it

  16. 16
    Jen

    Pablo Picasso was also a horrible misogynist, that doesn’t mean I have to hate all of his artwork.Anyway, I think some of CAD is funny, though it’s not my favorite. This comic was just applicable. Haters can suck it

  17. 17
    sunioc

    About 12 hours in myself. Vanille annoys the hell outta me. This shouldn't come as a surprise, because she's just Rikku from X/X2 with different colored hair, and I couldn't stand Rikku either. The battles get more complicated as you go along, but if you learn to trust autofight and just keep your paradigms in balance, you'll do fine. I didn't think they could manage to make a game more linear than FFX, but they managed it. The game is pretty much "watch a cutscene, walk down the tunnel, kill an enemy, watch a cutscene, walk down the tunnel, kill an enemy, rinse, repeat". I'm still playing though, so I guess they're doing something right.

  18. 18
    sunioc

    About 12 hours in myself. Vanille annoys the hell outta me. This shouldn’t come as a surprise, because she’s just Rikku from X/X2 with different colored hair, and I couldn’t stand Rikku either. The battles get more complicated as you go along, but if you learn to trust autofight and just keep your paradigms in balance, you’ll do fine. I didn’t think they could manage to make a game more linear than FFX, but they managed it. The game is pretty much “watch a cutscene, walk down the tunnel, kill an enemy, watch a cutscene, walk down the tunnel, kill an enemy, rinse, repeat”. I’m still playing though, so I guess they’re doing something right.

  19. 19
    Jen

    sunioc, you're right, it's very linear. I think I'm about as far as you. It's still oddly addictive though…

  20. 20
    Jen

    sunioc, you’re right, it’s very linear. I think I’m about as far as you. It’s still oddly addictive though…

  21. 21
    Rikaishi

    Didn't Rikku's first few scenes in FFX basically consist of physically abusing the male lead? Doesn't seem to match what I've seen of Vanille (though admittedly I haven't played the game yet)

    There's at least one other big difference – Rikku was straight.

    Have fun ^^

  22. 22
    JT

    @PhilipYou must not read enough webcomics. There are PLENTY out there that are far worse than CAD. To give anything on the internet some form of blankiest adjective is just challenging the internet to create something blankier…and they always do.

  23. 23
    JT

    @PhilipYou must not read enough webcomics. There are PLENTY out there that are far worse than CAD. To give anything on the internet some form of blankiest adjective is just challenging the internet to create something blankier…and they always do.

  24. 24
    Rikaishi

    Didn’t Rikku’s first few scenes in FFX basically consist of physically abusing the male lead? Doesn’t seem to match what I’ve seen of Vanille (though admittedly I haven’t played the game yet)There’s at least one other big difference – Rikku was straight.Have fun ^^

  25. 25
    sunioc

    Rikaishi, I was referring to the fact that they're both teenageish bubbleheaded girls with annoying high pitched voices, and that visually, Vanille is basically Rikku with different colored hair and eyes. They even have basically the same outfit. compare http://bit.ly/4zz7sL and http://bit.ly/cEL7To

  26. 26
    sunioc

    Rikaishi, I was referring to the fact that they’re both teenageish bubbleheaded girls with annoying high pitched voices, and that visually, Vanille is basically Rikku with different colored hair and eyes. They even have basically the same outfit. compare http://bit.ly/4zz7sL and http://bit.ly/cEL7To

  27. 27
    Zachary Cole

    You've upset the webcomic purists, Jen! RUN!!!

  28. 28
    Zachary Cole

    You’ve upset the webcomic purists, Jen! RUN!!!

  29. 29
    Svlad Cjelli

    Who needs boobs? I would love to watch my lady play through a Final Fantasy.

  30. 30
    Svlad Cjelli

    Who needs boobs? I would love to watch my lady play through a Final Fantasy.

  31. 31
    Joel Klinepeter

    I had a friend bring his 360 and FF XIII over to my place (my tv/sound is FAR superior to his) last night and he played for hours on end while my friend Rachel and I cuddled on my couch watching enjoying the gorgeous graphics and pretty good storyline (imho).

    We were cracking on Snow the entire time though for his lines where he says "A hero…" and we've started a running joke based on it. Some favorites include…"A hero always separates his recyclables .""A hero lets her pick the movie.""A hero gives her the remote.""A hero puts the seat down.""A hero stays outside and waits for the gas to finish pumping during the winter.""A hero makes a good first impression on her parents.""A hero never steals the covers.""A hero saves every 5 minutes.""A hero counts to 30 while brushing his teeth."etc. etc. etc.

    TBH, the game is gorgeous enough that I'm seriously considering buying an Xbox or PS3 just to get it (as it's not out on pc).

  32. 32
    Joel Klinepeter

    I had a friend bring his 360 and FF XIII over to my place (my tv/sound is FAR superior to his) last night and he played for hours on end while my friend Rachel and I cuddled on my couch watching enjoying the gorgeous graphics and pretty good storyline (imho).We were cracking on Snow the entire time though for his lines where he says “A hero…” and we’ve started a running joke based on it. Some favorites include…”A hero always separates his recyclables .”"A hero lets her pick the movie.”"A hero gives her the remote.”"A hero puts the seat down.”"A hero stays outside and waits for the gas to finish pumping during the winter.”"A hero makes a good first impression on her parents.”"A hero never steals the covers.”"A hero saves every 5 minutes.”"A hero counts to 30 while brushing his teeth.”etc. etc. etc.TBH, the game is gorgeous enough that I’m seriously considering buying an Xbox or PS3 just to get it (as it’s not out on pc).

  33. 33
    Veritas

    I might have to get a copy once I'm done reading the reviews. I haven't played a new FF game since 9, which (much like 8) utterly failed to impress me. I do love classic FF though.

  34. 34
    Veritas

    I might have to get a copy once I’m done reading the reviews. I haven’t played a new FF game since 9, which (much like 8) utterly failed to impress me. I do love classic FF though.

  35. 35
    Jaime Herazo B.

    > To illustrate how much of an FF addict I am, my first thought was "That's so stupid of him! You rarely use phoenix down, especially if you're a good player. He should have picked potions or something."

    Potions? she may as well play topless or maybe naked!

    Intriguing idea, too bad i don't have a FF-playing girlfriend to test this idea. For science, of course… yes! science!

  36. 36
    Jaime Herazo B.

    > To illustrate how much of an FF addict I am, my first thought was “That’s so stupid of him! You rarely use phoenix down, especially if you’re a good player. He should have picked potions or something.”Potions? she may as well play topless or maybe naked!…Intriguing idea, too bad i don’t have a FF-playing girlfriend to test this idea. For science, of course… yes! science!

  37. 37
    sunioc

    Actually Jaime, you don't use potions that often in XIII if you're careful. The battle system has no mana, so cure is free, and you're healed at the end of each battle.

  38. 38
    sunioc

    Actually Jaime, you don’t use potions that often in XIII if you’re careful. The battle system has no mana, so cure is free, and you’re healed at the end of each battle.

  39. 39
    Anonymous

    Just started playing that game this morning! I'm of two minds about showing that comic to DH. He'll laugh, but it might give him ideas… Though I'm nursing a baby right now, so not only do I have limited time to play, but my boobs are out pretty regularly as it is.

  40. 40
    Anonymous

    Just started playing that game this morning! I’m of two minds about showing that comic to DH. He’ll laugh, but it might give him ideas… Though I’m nursing a baby right now, so not only do I have limited time to play, but my boobs are out pretty regularly as it is.

  41. 41
    Marcus

    Seems like half the CAD readers just read it so they have something to whine about. And why is the previously linked comic insulting to women? Maybe it was in insult to men that we are so shallow and easily influenced. Oh wait, may it was a fucking joke and some people need to get over it. :)

  42. 42
    Marcus

    Seems like half the CAD readers just read it so they have something to whine about. And why is the previously linked comic insulting to women? Maybe it was in insult to men that we are so shallow and easily influenced. Oh wait, may it was a fucking joke and some people need to get over it. :)

  43. 43
    revatheist

    I'm currently playing FFXIII myself and also found in VERY linear. I'm hoping that the gameplay will open up soon and allow for independent exploration. So far, as far as gameplay goes, I like FF XII better than this one. Although, I have been playing some games lately that are by Bethesda (Oblivion, Fallout 3), and while FFXIII has them beat graphically hand down, I much prefer the very flexible exploration and storyline advancement in the Bethesda titles.

  44. 44
    revatheist

    I’m currently playing FFXIII myself and also found in VERY linear. I’m hoping that the gameplay will open up soon and allow for independent exploration. So far, as far as gameplay goes, I like FF XII better than this one. Although, I have been playing some games lately that are by Bethesda (Oblivion, Fallout 3), and while FFXIII has them beat graphically hand down, I much prefer the very flexible exploration and storyline advancement in the Bethesda titles.

  45. 45
    sunioc

    Don't get your hopes up, Rev. I'm about 16 hours in now, and it's still as linear as the first chapter. I don't expect that'll change.

  46. 46
    sunioc

    Don’t get your hopes up, Rev. I’m about 16 hours in now, and it’s still as linear as the first chapter. I don’t expect that’ll change.

  47. 47
    Cycle Ninja

    "Joker, get the Normandy over here on the double! These FF geeks are worse than the Geth!"

  48. 48
    Cycle Ninja

    “Joker, get the Normandy over here on the double! These FF geeks are worse than the Geth!”

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