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Jan 12 2010

I get mail: Redemption made easy

Ever since the Society of Non-Theists got an official mailbox at Purdue, we’ve gotten mail from fundies. We’ve been subscribed to a couple of Christian magazines, and this guy from Kentucky keeps sending us bizarre pamphlets, including one about how loving Jesus will somehow save you from Alzheimer’s (might save that for another post). I have to admit, I get really excited whenever I see a new letter in the mail, wondering what new crazy thing I’m about to read. After the long winter break, I checked our mailbox and was very happy to find a new one!

You know it’s going to be good when this is the first thing you see:The inside of the pamphlet is pretty boring compared to the Emo Jesus guilt trip on the cover. It’s just a bunch of Bible quotes about why Jesus is so awesome and you should accept him into your heart, yadda yadda. This would be a pretty typical, boring type of evangelism if it weren’t for the back cover, which made me laugh:Hmmm, I’m not sure which one to choose! This is way too tough. I wish I would have been given some sort of guidance. I am just a simple heathen, after all.

The whole thing cracks me up. The extensive highlighting and written instructions (as if I couldn’t get the point from one or the other); the idea that they think simply telling me which one is the right choice will make me realize the error in my ways; the even more ludicrous idea that making a simple check mark on a piece of paper has any real meaning; or the mysterious use of white out. Did they accidentally write to choose the unhighlighted one or something?Sorry, Jesus. Guess I don’t follow directions well.

Hmm, I wonder if that check mark applied to the club as a whole? Whoops, I guess I just damned almost 400 people to hell. Oh well, the more the merrier!

UPDATE:
Apparently the white out was used to hide the address of the sender. But with a little sleuthing (aka a flashlight and the internet) I’ve found our sender: Fellowship Tract League. Here’s a PDF of the tract from their site. Wonder why they didn’t want me to know who they were? Somewhat tempted to send it back.

52 comments

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  1. 1
    Veritas

    You know, technically, that's harassment. Awesome harassment, mind you, and full of the lol. Plus that's a great picture of "oops, fucked *that* up!"

  2. 2
    Veritas

    You know, technically, that’s harassment. Awesome harassment, mind you, and full of the lol. Plus that’s a great picture of “oops, fucked *that* up!”

  3. 3
    Renee Hendricks

    It probably said "Choose the intelligent option" and someone thought a change was warranted.

  4. 4
    Renee Hendricks

    It probably said “Choose the intelligent option” and someone thought a change was warranted.

  5. 5
    Denise

    That is the funniest thing I have seen all week. Thanks for making my day!

  6. 6
    Denise

    That is the funniest thing I have seen all week. Thanks for making my day!

  7. 7
    Jaki

    Are you supposed to write them and let them know if you've decided to reject Jesus? I think you should. Ha.

  8. 8
    Jaki

    Are you supposed to write them and let them know if you’ve decided to reject Jesus? I think you should. Ha.

  9. 9
    Jen

    Unfortunately there was no return address, so I can't disappoint them. All I know is that it was sent from Chicago (from the postal stamp).

  10. 10
    Jen

    Unfortunately there was no return address, so I can’t disappoint them. All I know is that it was sent from Chicago (from the postal stamp).

  11. 11
    Sili

    Does the society have a notice board or something to make announcement and the like (do people even use those in meat-space these days?)? Then I think you should post it (or a copy, if the original is dear to you).

  12. 12
    Sili

    Does the society have a notice board or something to make announcement and the like (do people even use those in meat-space these days?)? Then I think you should post it (or a copy, if the original is dear to you).

  13. 13
    Jen

    We don't have any office space where we can display our trophies, sadly. I don't think the people in charge of space management think we're important enough for an office (we've applied twice).

  14. 14
    Jen

    We don’t have any office space where we can display our trophies, sadly. I don’t think the people in charge of space management think we’re important enough for an office (we’ve applied twice).

  15. 15
    Lyz

    We actually got one of those at the main SSA office. I'm going to check some of our other affiliates and see if anyone else has gotten one.

    Our guess was that the whited-out section was the address of the supplying church, but that mystery man didn't want us to know.

  16. 16
    Lyz

    We actually got one of those at the main SSA office. I’m going to check some of our other affiliates and see if anyone else has gotten one.Our guess was that the whited-out section was the address of the supplying church, but that mystery man didn’t want us to know.

  17. 17
    The Jules

    "All this I did for thee."

    Was Jebus from Yorkshire?

  18. 18
    The Jules

    “All this I did for thee.”Was Jebus from Yorkshire?

  19. 19
    Adam

    You're using the wrong finger to point to your answer. :-P

  20. 20
    Adam

    You’re using the wrong finger to point to your answer. :-P

  21. 21
  22. 22
    Jen

    Found where it’s from: http://www.fellowshiptractleag

  23. 23
    givesgoodemail

    Fellowship Tract League3733 Snook RoadMorrow, OH 45152-9571(513) 494-1075

    BTW, you have the wrong finger extended in your pic.

  24. 24
    givesgoodemail

    Fellowship Tract League3733 Snook RoadMorrow, OH 45152-9571(513) 494-1075BTW, you have the wrong finger extended in your pic.

  25. 25
    J.F.Sebastian

    Well, the good news is, you're going to be sent in a lake of fire. In other words, Jesus is sending you in a hot tub for eternity. How nice of him !

  26. 26
    J.F.Sebastian

    Well, the good news is, you’re going to be sent in a lake of fire. In other words, Jesus is sending you in a hot tub for eternity. How nice of him !

  27. 27
    Anonymous

    Why are you so mean.It's people like you that makes the world darker.

  28. 28
    Anonymous

    Why are you so mean.It’s people like you that makes the world darker.

  29. 29
    Jessica A.

    Ah, Christians. They really are their own best parody.

  30. 30
    Jessica A.

    Ah, Christians. They really are their own best parody.

  31. 31
    JT

    Yes. Jen is the one making the world darker. Not the people sending out bloodied Jesus emo-gasms. Nothing dark about that.

  32. 32
    JT

    Yes. Jen is the one making the world darker. Not the people sending out bloodied Jesus emo-gasms. Nothing dark about that.

  33. 33
    Anonymous

    Heh. I was brought up in a really religious household, and have seen my share of tracts. Nice to know that some things don't change. :) Even when I was on the inside (so to speak), I never understood how a pamphlet was supposed to convince somebody to change their whole life. Now it just looks like emotional blackmail.

  34. 34
    Anonymous

    Heh. I was brought up in a really religious household, and have seen my share of tracts. Nice to know that some things don’t change. :) Even when I was on the inside (so to speak), I never understood how a pamphlet was supposed to convince somebody to change their whole life. Now it just looks like emotional blackmail.

  35. 35
    mingfrommongo

    Now the Xtians will add "cannot follow instructions" to their list of terrible atheist attributes. I wonder if it will be before or after "eat babies."

  36. 36
    mingfrommongo

    Now the Xtians will add “cannot follow instructions” to their list of terrible atheist attributes. I wonder if it will be before or after “eat babies.”

  37. 37
    Ian

    Wow. All I can think of while looking at that picture is the emo catgirl from Something Positive:http://www.somethingpositive.net/random.shtml

    A side-by-side comparison is somewhat revealing.

  38. 38
    Ian

    Wow. All I can think of while looking at that picture is the emo catgirl from Something Positive:http://www.somethingpositive.n…A side-by-side comparison is somewhat revealing.

  39. 39
    biodork

    Awww…am I lake of fired by association? Damn it. Do you think they at least let us bring water floaties in the lake of fire? Oooo…can we swim and grill hotdogs without even getting out of the pool?

    I just blogged about a super-awesome pamphlet I found in my bookstore a couple of days ago. It looks like a crumpled $100 bill, and is distributed by livingwaters.com (i.e., part of Ray Comfort's group). Score! I love fundie handouts – they're all cute and brimstoney.

  40. 40
    biodork

    Awww…am I lake of fired by association? Damn it. Do you think they at least let us bring water floaties in the lake of fire? Oooo…can we swim and grill hotdogs without even getting out of the pool? I just blogged about a super-awesome pamphlet I found in my bookstore a couple of days ago. It looks like a crumpled $100 bill, and is distributed by livingwaters.com (i.e., part of Ray Comfort’s group). Score! I love fundie handouts – they’re all cute and brimstoney.

  41. 41
    OlderMusicGeek

    i love those two very objective choices! reminds me a facebook poll!

  42. 42
    OlderMusicGeek

    i love those two very objective choices! reminds me a facebook poll!

  43. 43
    Michael

    This reminds me a bit of a handout that was being given out by some guy outside the Richard Dawkins lecture in Charlotte. Take a look and have a good laugh:http://www.scribd.com/doc/25130509/Trash-Evolution

  44. 44
    Michael

    This reminds me a bit of a handout that was being given out by some guy outside the Richard Dawkins lecture in Charlotte. Take a look and have a good laugh:http://www.scribd.com/doc/25130509/Trash-Evolution

  45. 45
    Mobyseven

    Ooh! We got one of those in the Melbourne Uni Secular Society mailbox. Went straight in the bin though…

  46. 46
    Mobyseven

    Ooh! We got one of those in the Melbourne Uni Secular Society mailbox. Went straight in the bin though…

  47. 47
    Arctic Ape

    What a wonderful posing: You're like Eve caught eating the wrong apple. Human free will in action.

    "How hard can it be to advise a simple woman to do the right thing?… *reads Genesis once again* … Oh, crap."

  48. 48
    Arctic Ape

    What a wonderful posing: You’re like Eve caught eating the wrong apple. Human free will in action.”How hard can it be to advise a simple woman to do the right thing?… *reads Genesis once again* … Oh, crap.”

  49. 49
    Aetre

    I remember getting that pamphlet a few years ago. Then I got this under my apartment door: http://aetre.xepher.net/Forum/Churchflyer1.jpg

    And yeah, I scanned it in just as is. No photoshopping. Proof: http://aetre.xepher.net/Forum/Churchflyerproof.jpg

    Fun times.

    For those who don't want to click, it's just a church flyer from a preacher who claims he can cure HIV. …Even though he messes it up and writes "Hiv," as if it doesn't stand for anything. I still have this flyer. It… stood out, shall we say.

  50. 50
    Aetre

    I remember getting that pamphlet a few years ago. Then I got this under my apartment door: http://aetre.xepher.net/Forum/…And yeah, I scanned it in just as is. No photoshopping. Proof: http://aetre.xepher.net/Forum/…Fun times.For those who don’t want to click, it’s just a church flyer from a preacher who claims he can cure HIV. …Even though he messes it up and writes “Hiv,” as if it doesn’t stand for anything. I still have this flyer. It… stood out, shall we say.

  51. 51
  52. 52
    MrS Langley

    Girl… This just cracked me up… XDSuper hillarious…Love the pic with your face like: “oooops”

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