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Sep 08 2012

Chris Kluwe’s Letter to Maryland Delegate

I will definitely cheer for the hometown team for this one!

Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe posted an open letter defending gay marriage and the right of free speech. It contains a fantastically entertaining mix of logical arguments and a buttload of vulgarity.

See, this other football player, Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo, is a long-time supporter of legalizing same-sex marriage and he said some stuff about that. And then some state delegate from Maryland was all like – and this is paraphrased here, but I think I captured the essence of the letter  -Waaaaa! You can’t say that! Hey, you – Ravens owner – your employee supports same-sex marriage and, like, you should make him stop saying that stuff! Here I wrote it on my official letterhead so you know I’m totes credible!”

And then Kluwe was like – again, paraphrasing – “Woah! Ayanbadejo and all of us have the right to speak our minds. And BTW, what’s so scary about gay marriage? Gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won’t come into your house and steal your children. They won’t magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster.”

Hmmm…less paraphrasing in there than you might suspect, akshully. (Hint: “Cockmonster” – not paraphrasing)

But seriously, Kluwe’s letter is a heck of a ride and worth a full read. In one sentence he’s all “The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points” and then later he’s calling the delegate a “narcissistic fromunda stain”. Really, one of my biggest complaints with Kluwe’s letter is that it drove me to look up “fromunda” in Urban Dictionary. *shudders*

And now the Maryland state delegate looks like a total asshat. Which is cool because that letter he sent to the Ravens owner already made him look like an asshat. And now Kluwe’s letter is helping to bring the delegate’s asshatedness some well-deserved attention.

Minnesota Viking Supports Freedom to Marry

Image shows Kluwe kicking a football. Flickr Creative Commons by Freedom to Marry.

You kicked this one one right through the middle of the posts [As I am football illiterate, insert appropriate sports-jargon idiom here that actually describes what a punter does in football and can also mean WAY TO GO YOU ROCK!], Kluwe. Well done, sir.

And here are a couple of video interviews that Klewe has done explaining the letter and his motivations for posting it. If you follow the link you can watch one interview from MSNBC’s The Ed Show, and Klewe appeared live for the local news interview with KARE. On The Ed Show I learned that Chris Klewe is involved with Minnesotans United for All Families. He’s very well spoken, and I’m excited to learn that he’s using his voice to speak up for marriage equality.

UPDATE: And oh – oh, this is BEAUTIFUL! Chris Kluwe has written a blog post over at the Pioneer Press about why he used the language he used. He’s responding to critics of his tone and offers a hilarious edited version of his letter that removes all of the swearing. It contains the phrase “DISAPPOINTED LEMUR FACE WITH SOLITARY TEAR TRICKLING DOWN TO CHIN.” Go. Read.

Hat tip to nearly every single one of my friends on Facebook for this story.

16 comments

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  1. 1
    Chebag

    Punters are not supposed to kick it through the posts.

    1. 1.1
      Brianne Bilyeu

      DAMN IT! I knew my lack of football knowledge was going to get me on that one. All I know are baseball idioms like “knocked it out of the park”. What do punters do?

      1. uprprof

        He really dropped it inside the 5!

      2. loreo

        When the team on offense has too great a risk of being forced to turn over the ball, they bring in a punter to kick it as far downfield as possible, giving it to the other team but placing themselves in a strong defensive position.

        Kluwe, though – articulate, tough, rational, funny – dude should take up a pen once his knee ligaments finally rupture. I’m totally stealing “BEAUTIFULLY UNIQUE SPARKLEPONY”.

  2. 2
    Alyson Miers

    I’m a queer Marylander who handed out beads and flyers at her town’s Labor Day parade to support marriage equality. The reason why Ayanbadejo was speaking up, and why Burns tried to silence him, is that we have a voter referendum in November to legalize SSM. Our legislature and governor already passed a law in March, but we know how th Enforcers of Tradition never pass up a chance to put marriage rights up to a popular vote. So…this is an issue in our state this year. I don’t follow sports, so I never heard of Brendan Ayanbadejo before last night, but he’s awesome. Delegate Burns is an authoritarian asshat. Chris Kluwes is awesome and hilarious.

  3. 3
    pipenta

    So help me, I may have to start watching some football. Looks like I got a team to root for now.

  4. 4
    Mr.Kosta

    The “DELICIOUS STATE FAIR HOTDOG!” part was hilarious.

  5. 5
    Steve

    I read his letter yesterday through a link on Reddit.

    It’s an awesome response to an elected idiot.

    Kluwe writes incredibly well and his blog post shows it.

  6. 6
    Kilian Hekhuis

    That letter is pure pwnage. Very eloquently written, and dead funny at that. The last link to the blog post doesn’t week to work though.

    1. 6.1
      Brianne Bilyeu

      Hmmm…to which one are you referring? The last link (when I click on it) goes to the twincities.com blog (at Pionoeer Press) Out of Bounds, which is the blog post I wanted it to go to.

      1. Kilian Hekhuis

        It works again. The first few times I tried I got a connection error. Sorry for the false alert.

  7. 7
    Kilian Hekhuis

    Seem, that is. Damn spelling checker!

  8. 8
    Anonymous Atheist

    I applaud both of these guys. Love both versions of Kluwe’s letter. :D

  9. 9
    kim

    Yea, complaining about the language and hostility…. because being quiet, polite and unobtrusive has worked so well in the past.
    Non-violence doesn’t mean non-vocal.

  10. 10
    kim

    oh, and he must be contributing to the Skepchick’s campaign for non-gender insult suggestions. We should give him two internets for his offerings.

  11. 11
    megkosowski

    This totally made me happy, which the Vikings have failed to do in, oh, forever. He’s like an anti-Tebow.

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