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Welcome, Newly Gay Brethren!

Well, crap. I got stuck in the lab until 8:30pm last night and then selfishly slept an entire eight hours, so I didn’t finish photo editing and writing up the Pirates at the Museum post. But I did get a few minutes to chip away at Google Reader, and in doing so I found this gem.

Seen at Joe.My.God

This is response to the Mormon Baptism of the Dead (link goes to Wikipedia). If you do a google search for “Mormon Baptism of the Dead” you can find this explanation of the ritual on

Many people have died without receiving a valid baptism, and they cannot undergo this precious ritual as mere spirits. “Because all on the earth do not have the opportunity to accept the gospel during mortality, the Lord has authorized baptisms performed by proxy for the dead. Therefore, those who accept the gospel in the spirit world may qualify for entrance into God’s kingdom” (See Guide to the Scriptures). One thing that should be made perfectly clear about Mormon baptisms for the dead is that each deceased soul has the personal choice to accept or reject it. There is nothing in Mormonism that states that the person who is being baptized by proxy must accept this ordinance; he or she is simply given the opportunity to choose.

So you don’t have to worry about forcing homosexuality on anybody. Their spirit selves can just reject it. But you know…once you go FABULOUS, I imagine its pretty hard to go back.


  1. barbrykost says

    Okay, I just converted my father. At first I was a little squeamish about it. His second wife had him become Mormon and sealed in the temple because she needed him to get into heaven, and his now being gay will put the kibosh on THAT plan! Then I was a little worried about turning my father gay because that might upset my sisters. Then I thought, “WTF? It’s all bullshit!” (Which is, I believe, the proper atheist stance) so I converted him.

  2. pyrobryan says

    This (the baptism of the dead) has got to be one of the most ridiculous things I’ve heard of in a very long time. I wonder how God communicated this (presumably) newly authorized method of ghost baptism. Why is it even necessary? Isn’t baptism supposed to be symbolic of the washing away of the unclean? If a spirit isn’t a physical entity, can it be unclean? If so, can it be cleaned? At that point is a cleaning even necessary? Wouldn’t God just magically know that the spirit wanted to be clean?

    I don’t think I’ll ever understand this kind of thinking.

  3. Alverant says

    My only objection is that they beat me to it. I was going to start a religion called “baby eaters” where dead spirits feast on baby flesh for all eternity. The only way to join was be dead and have a living person convert you. I was going to have an elaborate ritual with my MST3K Gypsy figure noming on an old action figure to complete the conversion.

    Ahh well, the best ideas are always thought up by someone else.

  4. F says

    Ah ha ha ha ha! That’s seriously amusing.

    And “Enter a Dead Mormon” sounds like a film title or a stage direction.

  5. ambassadorfromverdammt says

    Since we apparently have a choice, I wish my deceased form to be baptized into catgodliness.

  6. sumdum says

    Just converted a man named Douglas Hayes. Congrats! And in the spirit of equality, feel free to convert me too. Once I’m dead, or before, I don’t care much what you do in the privacy of your own fantasy.

    • Here I Am Again says

      I converted Joseph Smith…does that mean all Mormons are converted, the same way doing something to a vampire ‘ancestor’ affects the whole chain of ‘descendants’ ?

      • Brianne Bilyeu says

        Well, I’m guessing that Joseph Smith rejects your gift of homosexuality baptism. But I award you one thousandy internet points for a vampire reference that made me think fondly of LARP.

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