Ascend, Christian Youth! (Just…not your boners)

Via Hemant comes this weird peek into the world of Christian sexophobia. There’s this event going on in Chicago called The Ascension Convention, and someone snapped this facepalm-worthy photo.

Because, apparently, when guys and girls have thirty seconds alone and unchaperoned in an elevator together, the babymakin’ explodes! No young adult can be trusted with their own genitals for a single unguarded moment, because Satan is lurking around every corner with his little French Ticklefork to prod your naughty bits into action.

Folks, if you’ve just been utterly baffled as to what’s brought on the recent right-wing onslaught of anti-abortion, anti-birth-control, anti-marriage-equality, anti-anything you might like to do in the privacy of your own bedroom that might squick a Christian out legislation, this is it. These people are taught from a very young age that human bodies, presumably created and perfectly designed by their loving God, are evil. That’s a recipe for sexual neurosis all on its own. We’re not just fighting prudery here, gang. We’re fighting full-on psychological dysfunction.

Then again, we could turn this into a selling point for the next atheist convention. “Come to Skepticon for great speakers, panels, parties, and hawt secks in the elevators!”