It ain’t just Rush and Pat

Seriously, how primitive in its development does one’s poor little brain stem have to be, to be the kind of person who interprets, in this day and age, natural disasters as some form of divine wrath? Seriously, I can understand cave-dwelling hominids cowering in their caves from a thunderstorm thinking this way. But in a 21st century civilized, technological, post-Enlightenment society? Get on board the short bus, tardboy!

Who else can we add to this parade of thermostupid? Oh, how about the reliably batshit crazy Brannon Howse? Here we see Brannon exercising his considerable prophecy skills to predict God’s next meteorological snit.

Brannon believes America may very well see a serious crisis this week such as flooding in the North East for Obama’s treatment of Israel in the past few days and particularly for his treatment of Israel’s Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu. Why does Brannon say this?

Because Brannon is a paste-eating fuckheaded moron, that’s why. The above was posted March 30. Anyone remember the news reports of flooding in the northeast the following week? Nope, me neither.

Beatdown! Fractally-wrong altie pulls a Yomin over losing Twitter “award”

This post wins the internet!

A little context: Recently an alt-med wackaloon called Mike Adams — who runs the antiscience site NaturalNews.com and calls himself the “Health Ranger” — was in the lead for something called the Shorty Award. It’s the sort of thing where people vote for their favorite person in a certain category, by tweeting. It’s not an actual award, just a Twitter popularity contest.

But to Mike, it must have been like the Nobel. Because when he lost the award to DrRachie, an actual cell biologist, he also totally lost his shit!

There are awesome articles by PZ, Orac, and Phil Plait discussing the side-splitting melodrama. (For one thing, it was found that Mike was violating the Shorty rules by getting votes from brand new Twitter accounts created just to tweet a vote for him. However it was done, by Mike himself sockpuppeting or some of his fans doing it too, it was against the rules, and didn’t help him in the end anyway.)

Mike has just been “pulling a Yomin” over and over at his site. In addition to threatening to sue people, he’s now posted an absolutely hilarious “exposé” of skeptics. Apparently we’re “agents of death” who don’t even believe we’re alive. I won’t link to the article, because there’s no need. The very first link in this post goes to a magnificent demolition of Mike’s endless rant over at Dubito Ergo Sum. It’s truly epic in every way. Mike Adams is a person so completely divorced from reality it’s a wonder he can tell up from down. He doesn’t build a straw man in his lunatic screed. It’s a whole straw army. Mike Adams makes Ray Comfort sound sensible. Think about that.

The dark, frightening abyss that is Brannon Howse’s world

It always helps to be reminded of a salient fact when dealing with the fundamentalist extremist: literally every single aspect of their lives is governed by fear. It is a dark and frightening world in which they live, made all the more grim by the way the dark fearfulness of it is so easily embraced by the believer, who disguises it under a thin veneer of righteousness and the sense of empowerment that comes from believing one is part of an oppressed minority.

I have brought up Brannon Howse and his personal neurosis factory, the Christian Worldview Network, for mockery here many times. I regularly get their email newsletters, and believe me, this guy has never met an over-the-top paranoid Obama conspiracy theory he didn’t like. His contributors are a rogue’s gallery of the spiritually psychotic: David Noebel, Ray Comfort, Phyllis Schlafly, David Barton, Kan Ham.

Howse’s latest ridiculous rant is one of those revealing moments in fundie bloviation that serves to remind those of us in the reality-based community just what this country has to deal with. It has the ominous title “Is America at a Dangerous Tipping Point for Receiving God’s Judgment?”, which is entirely in character, as Howse only does ominous titles. Remember when I said that every aspect of the extremist’s life is governed by fear? Well, that doesn’t just apply to Obama, teh gayz, libruls, evilutionists, or (Howse’s favorite villain-of-the-week) “Fabian Socialists.” There’s one thing the Howses of the world are even more scared of than all those things: their God. This week, Howse cannot stop wringing his hands (mostly in fear, but one detects a hint of sadistic glee as well) over the destruction he is sure God is about to wreak upon America, because, apparently…

…our nation has murdered nearly 50 million unborn children, states are rushing toward homosexual marriage, God is outlawed in our nation’s public schools, the criminalization of Christianity is greatly increasing, only 1% of adults have a Christian worldview and false-teaching and pagan spirituality has become mainstream.

I must say I found a lot of that surprising. Only 1% of American adults are Christians? If only! Of course, Howse really means that, by his estimation (and it’s one that lets him play the “me so persecuted” card with shameless impunity), only 1% of Americans are True Christians™ like him. The others are all misled fools who’ve embraced false teachings and “pagan spirituality.” Hmm. Okay. Though I must admit, this imaginary Scary America that exists between Howse’s ears is one I wouldn’t mind living in.

And what’s all this about the “criminalization of Christianity”? Seriously? You’d think if this were the case, then law enforcement would have a hard time overlooking all these hundreds of churches that appear on every fucking block in every town in the country, and be about raiding them Waco-style with greater efficiency than they seem to be employing at present. I mean, let’s look at something in our country that is criminalized, like drugs. So if we lived in some bizarro parallel universe in which drugs were “criminalized” to the same degree Howse thinks Christianity is, then this would be a parallel universe in which meth labs operated on every street corner like drive-in burger joints, vending machines sold both Coke and…coke, and you could pick up Master Kush and Purple Haze marijuana buds at your local nursery or Home Depot.

Truly, Howse is a silly, silly man. But the kind of fear he spouts — an all-consuming, comprehensive existential terror in which you are literally never safe from anything, including the God you profess to love — somehow hits huge numbers of people where they live. It speaks to them. And that, more than anything, is the tragedy of the religious mind. The brighter the beliefs look to the believer, the darker the abyss they actually inhabit.


PS: I just remembered…Howse did one of his Code Blue rallies here in Austin two days ago. No idea how it went yet. I’ll do some digging.

We get email, WTF edition

A charming fellow called Augusto sent us two of these thought-provoking missives, actually. This one is the more coherent of the two.

Just remember that atheism and materialism killed much more people than any cruzade before. Any. Atheism killed trillions, crusades was a joke. Fuck Mao tse tung, Stalin, Hitler, CIA.

Atheism and materialism killed billions in a curtain space of time than any cruzade before.

That’s why atheists think that they are inteligent plaiyng chess – the criminal game for idiots who whant power. Kids play always chess because they have no brain, only ambition. Atheists never gonne out. Nor in.

Atheism and materialism killed much more people than any cruzade before.

Atheism and materialism killed billions, crusades a few, compared to atheist hate.

Atheism and materialism killed much more people than any cruzade before.

I have fear of atheism because atheism is fear, they use psychiatry and psychology to demonstrate theyr kid power, to control population to theyr chess game.

I love jesus christ because he is my friend.

Grow up and became FREE

Augusto

Jesus, you really ought to screen your friends better.

The Worldview Wackaloons are coming to Austin

Not like I’m going. I mean, part of me thinks, from a journalistic standpoint, it would be an intriguingly revealing peek into the mindset (generously assuming there will be minds present at all) of the mad. But then the idea of being bombarded with that much 50-kiloton thermostupid all at once is simply more than I can bear. Still, Brannon Howse and his big Christian Clown Car will be here on September 13, offering us an eye into the alternate universe he inhabits between his ears, of which the following topic list is representative.

How This Happened to America, Where We Are Going and The Biblical Response; How This Can Be The Greatest Hour For the American Church; How to Prepare the Remnant For What is Coming; The Worldviews and People Destroying America From the Grave and How Every Teen and Adult Must Respond To Be Protected; Refuting Evolution; What Happened to the Dinosaurs; The Impact of Evolution on America; Political Correctness is Cultural Marxism; How to Contend For The Faith in the 21st Century; Why Oprah’s Pagan Spirituality is Doubling in America Every Eighteen Months and a Christian Response; Why Worldview Training Matters and Students Want it; What The Bible Has to Say About The Coming One-World Religion, One-World Economy and Global Governance.

If that isn’t a concentrated spasm of atavistic “Mommy help me the monster is under the bed!” terror, I don’t know what is. Surprising that he left out anything about teh gayz, but maybe one of them will remember before the big tour begins.

I mean, I’d consider covering this for the blog and TV show, you know, but seriously, the amount of abuse my poor brain would endure would make me insist that, I dunno, every AXP reader send me $100 for medical expenses or something. So I guess we’re left to our imaginations, which, even at their wildest, I’m sure would not be the equal to the parade of delusion these rallies will exhibit!

Because it’s all just so depressing, that’s why

I have, as many of you have doubtless noticed, been absent from the blog for most of August, preferring to concentrate on some other things and take a bit of a break from the whole atheist-activism thing. Mainly, this has been due to a real need to decompress. I am frankly in a state of despair regarding America as a whole. The right wing — duplicitous, self-serving and dishonest at the best of times — have simply descended into bugfuck insanity and psychosis. I mean, for Set’s sake, we’ve actually got Republican politicians openly “joking” about killing Obama. What the blue blazing phuque is wrong with these maniacs?

I’ve never seen anything like the mass insanity surrounding the health-care reform “debate,” which hasn’t been so much a debate as a mindless, frothing mob going absolutely apeshit over the most preposterous lies that such bobblehead demagogues as Limbaugh and Beck can cook up. Apparently, Obama is going to send the SS to kick down your door, gun down grandma, and hold you down while they forcibly administer HPV vaccines whether you’re a girl or not. That so many of these people just believe the shit they’re being spoonfed without so much as a pause for thought (a skill they evidently don’t possess) makes it dismayingly clear just how far this country has sunk into near-savagery. The neocon Christian right are no longer even recognizably human; they are simply wild animals driven into a Pavlovian rage at the mere sight of a sliver of red meat, even when (especially when) it’s a wholly imaginary sliver. (After all, as Matt Taibbi has pointed on in Rolling Stone, what kind of fucking morons must these people be to decry as “socialism” a health-care reform proposal designed to preserve as much of the private sector as it can?)

I just don’t want to be in the same dimension with these, um, “people.” I’d rather read lots of sci-fi or hang out with my dogs. Unreason, fear, hate, anger, racism, and literalist Christianity are sending America down the toilet fast, and I think we’re already too far down the U-bend to be drawn back up with even the heartiest application of a plunger.

So. How’s your day?

Toodles, Tony!

And…it’s convictions on all ten counts for pedophile cult leader Tony Alamo! Naturally, his response is the typical self-aggrandizement of the pathologically narcissistic. “I’m just another one of the prophets who went to jail for the Gospel.” Some “prophet”; he couldn’t even prophesy his own fate. No, Tony — or Bernie, I mean — you’re just another one of the perverts who went to jail for porking little kids.

So, to complete our celebration of Alamo’s downfall, I guess it’s time now to pick our winners in the “Can you write like allexus8?” contest. So…below are the links to the entries, and in the sidebar is the poll to vote, which will only be open 5 days. (There is such a thing as flogging a joke to death.) Have fun, and maybe, in five days, I’ll have thought of a prize. Unless allexus8 wins. You’ve already got your prize, haven’t you?

The entrants are… (feel free to imagine a drum roll here, if you want to play this out to full cheese effect)


Something distresses me about this photo of Alamo. I’m sure the resemblance to our very own beloved John Iacoletti is totally coincidental.

Contest! Can you write like “allexus8″?

In celebration of the impending conviction of cult leader Tony Alamo on child-sex charges, I thought we’d host a little contest. I have no idea what the winner will get yet. Maybe I’ll think of something eventually, and I’m open to suggestions. “Your own child bride” is not an option, no.

I’m inspired by the remarkable writings of one of Tony Alamo’s followers, allexus8, who has turned up in the comments of the previous Alamo post to harangue us all in a manner that can only be compared to avant-garde, stream of consciousness (or semi-consciousness) free verse. Truly, it’s got to be read to be believed. Check the following exerpt, and see if you don’t agree that a unique and very special poetic voice is in our midst. Behold:

THE SECOND DEATH YOU LYING DOGS PIGS YOU CAN OINK OINK OINK ALL DAY ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DO NOT KNOW ABOUT, OH YES TONY IS GOING UP TO THE BEAUTIFUL PLACE GOD GOT FOR THOSE THAT LOVE HIM. IN THE GOLDEN CITY WHERE GOD IS THE LIGHT.ALL THE LIES YOU TELLING ON TONY ALAMO IS ALL LIES TO SET HIM UP BECAUSE HE EXPOSE YOUR STINK ALL LYING MONSTROUS CULT YOU GONE STAY ATHEIST DEVIL YOU ALL ARE CHILD

Is that great, or is that, as Tony the Tiger might say, grrrrreat? Seriously, it’s like — oh, I dunno — e.e. cummings and Bukowski had a child or something, except they made damn sure it was born with fetal alcohol syndrome. I bet allexus8 simply kills at open-mic slams.

My challenge to you, dear AXP readers, is to see if you can match allexus8’s literary gifts! Can you convey such emotion, such pathos, such an electrifying summation of the ennui of existence and the precarious, existential angst inherent in the human condition? Can you even come close to sounding so totally Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs? I know you’re a gifted bunch out there. Bring it! We’ll all work out whose entry we like the best later on.

(Yes, allexus8 can enter, too.)


For the record, if allexus8 is a Poe, he/she/it is the best one I’ve encountered so far. And if allexus8 is a genuine wackaloon, he/she/it is the best one I’ve encountered so far.