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Jul 19 2013

Don’t harsh my narrative with sexyfun!

This is amusing, though darn it, I wish I’d captured screenshots before the inevitable happened. (Some folks say they have done so.)

So this youth minister, who does the usual thing of framing moral issues strictly in terms of self-denial and guilt, writes a blog post in which he says, among other funny things, “I have never met anyone who is actually happy about having sex before they were married. All I’ve ever seen and heard is massive regret.

A number of folks, including myself, LOLed, and fearing Mr. Buer just wasn’t getting out of the house enough, left comments on his blog introducing ourselves as regret-free sex-positive people who saw no need for either a Bible nor a ring before making hay whilst the sun shines. And gosh darn, wouldn’t you know it? He just up and deleted all our comments and closed the whole article to further comments!

Well, now we know he’s lying when he says he’s never met people like us. But I guess if he wants to inculcate guilt among his readers, he has to keep pretending he hasn’t.

Funny how, in insisting that the Bible mandates “sex is for marriage and nowhere else,” Aaron’s forgotten some of its freakier Brazzers moments, like the time Lot’s daughters got him drunk and incestuously double-teamed him, all with God’s apparent approval. The Bible is absolute this and absolute that, except for the inconvenient parts you can pretend to ignore (rather like inconvenient comments)!

54 comments

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  1. 1
    Tim Bannock

    His Twitter is @aaron_buer. I’m happy to tell him about my amazing, loving, freaky sex with the woman who I love more than anything… and we aren’t married.

    He can’t delete my Twitter account.

    1. 1.1
      Pink No More

      No, but he CAN report you if you send him unsolicited @ replies. Twitter also has algorhythms that judge – sometimes wrongly – if an account is a spam account based on the number of people it sends @s to and how often.

      Best not to risk it.

      1. oolon

        Send some messages that @ no one at the same time, quotes etc… The spammers avoid being suspended this way anyway! Also if you are suspended, first time its a 10sec recover, after that a ticket needs to be raised with Twitter and it can take a day or so.

        @ away!

      2. gregfromcos

        He posted the blog entry on 7/15, so it would not be unsolicited if it were kept in reference to that.

    2. 1.2
      Alicia

      If you do it screenshot it so we can snicker a bit…

        1. Alicia

          Oh dayum….ahahahahahaha! Love it.

          1. sigurd jorsalfar

            There’s also this one, which is hilarious (and sad): http://www.stuffchristianculturelikes.com/2011/01/207-marrying-young.html

            I especially love this paragraph:

            Even apart from the sex issue, Christian culture highly recommends getting married. The overarching message is “once you find the person God has chosen for you then everything will fall together, your life will finally start, your ministry will really get off the ground, and your problems will be solved.” The notion that your problems could really just be getting started isn’t even in their frame of concept.

          2. Alicia

            I didn’t just face palm, I think I bitch slapped myself…ROFL!!!!

  2. 2
    Michael Davis

    Wasn’t that Noah’s daughters? Got him drunk first, even. And just where did Cain and Abel’s children come from?

    1. 2.1
      Martin Wagner

      Nope, definitely Lot. I guess he was bummed about his wife and they wanted some family togetherness.

      1. jacobfromlost

        There appears to be an entire wikipedia page dedicated to incest in the bible.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incest_in_the_Bible

        Catalogued and footnoted for our convenience. (And not even any flags at the top.)

    2. 2.2
      Alicia

      It was Lot’s… believe me, I know–that creepy ass Bible chapter freaked me out for years after I read it and actually led to my atheism…

    3. 2.3
      Lord Narf

      No, with Noah, is was his son … you know, the one who was turned black … who “came upon his father’s nakedness,” while Noah was drunk. Yes, lots of Jewish scholars interpret that passage the way that our 5th-grade, perverted little minds are interpreting it, so there’s scholarly support.

      1. jacobfromlost

        The wikipedia page says that some recent “scholars” have interpreted the phrase “his father’s nakedness” to apparently mean “his father’s naked wife” (apparently because she belonged to him and was naked?).

        And so these scholars think this means the son had sex with his mother.

        (Is it just me, or do these ambiguous passages seem to tell us more about those interpreting them than the actual intent of any author? What combinations of psychoses or neuroses have “scholars” ending up with THAT particular interpretation?)

        1. Alicia

          AHAHAHAH! I know right–all that sexual repression did something to their brains…

        2. Lord Narf

          The one I’d heard from some Jewish scholars was that he had sex with Noah, while Noah was drunk. Turning it into Noah’s wife seems like quite a bit more of a stretch, to me.

  3. 3
    Karlriffic

    The only true happiness is the JOY of the LORD™!

  4. 4
    Dave, ex-Kwisatz Haderach

    Hey now, that’s just completely misreading the text. Double-teaming? Lot’s daughters did no such thing! They got him shit-faced two nights in a row and took turns.

    Noah got himself drunk and passed out naked, his son got cursed (that’s where black people come from don’tcha kno?) for walking in on it.

    Cain and Able married their sisters, but its ok cause their genes were practically perfect so inbreeding was ok.

    The real miracle is that I believed this crap once upon a time.

    1. 4.1
      Martin Wagner

      Double-teaming? Lot’s daughters did no such thing! They got him shit-faced two nights in a row and took turns.

      Oh great! A Bible-porn inerrantist!

    2. 4.2
      markr

      I see no reason assume that Cain and Abel had sex with their sisters. They would have had to wait until their sisters were old enough. Since god had instructed them to “be fruitful and multiply”, it’s likely that their mother would have shown them the ropes as soon as possible so as to not waste any time.

      1. Alicia

        Dayum…ewwwww….lol

    3. 4.3
      Alicia

      Never got the Cain curse equals black folks are screwed thing myself. The actual verse never says anything about skin tones. The language is so vague in fact, that the CHURCH OF THE BLACK MADONNA teaches that Cain was made leperous (sp?), causing the skin to became “white as snow”. In other words, the accursed were white folks.

      As they say, you know god is man made when he hates the same people you do.

      1. Lord Narf

        The people you heard that from were probably mixing it up with Noah’s son. He’s the one who was turned black.

        1. Alicia

          You’re right–not Cain–Ca’ naan or some such, son of Ham… the CHURCH OF THE BLACK MADONNA were referencing Ca’ naan (my bad) and saying he was cursed with white skin). From the passages I recall ( vaguely to be honest) I don’t remember skin tones being mentioned at all so how can either side claim to be right.

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curse_of_Ham

          1. Lord Narf

            I can’t recall exactly where that bit is mentioned. I just reread the appropriate section in Genesis, in two different translations, and I don’t see anything about skin color. There’s so much about the Bible stories, in the current versions, which isn’t in the actual Bible.

  5. 5
    new_atheist

    On that post, there are still a few comments left. One responder pointed out that god, in fact, did not invent sex. Rather it was the product of millions of years of evolution.

    In an effort to defend himself, the author tries the Ken Ham “Were you there” approach. Ugh.

    1. 5.1
      Alicia

      That is why I think the perfect response is “I was, were you…” Why not–it is the Christian equivlaent of “I am rubber you’re glue” so…LOL

    2. 5.2
      changerofbits

      Yes, because “the foreskin loving, gay/woman/slave hating, xenophobic sky daddy told somebody 3000 years ago that he did it” is just as plausible as a natural explanation that continues, to not just survive, but is repeatedly confirmed in greater depth, with every new piece of data we gather.

      1. Alicia

        Don’t you just love when they say stuff like “Well…who started the big bang–we didn’t come from nothing, did we?” Really, really makes you want to cry buckets of blood. First off, no one ever said we came from nothing and secondly, the big bang can have a naturalistic cause that has nothing to do with an intelligent designer saying anything remotely like, “Let there be….” Logic–Religion–have you two met? Please take a moment to get aquainted…*sigh*

  6. 6
    Jim Jones

    > He just up and deleted all our comments and closed the whole article to further comments!

    That may have been my fault. I posted this reply on his blog thing.

    > “According to the biblical account, sex is for marriage and nowhere else.”

    The Taliban agree with you. And the bible says you have to marry your rapist so that’s all good too.

    > “I have never met anyone who is actually happy about having sex before they were married.”

    Well, there’s me. And Charlie Sheen. And George Clooney. And most every married man in the west.

    1. 6.1
      Alicia

      And quite a few married gals…lol

      1. Lord Narf

        Yeah, but they don’t count. They just have to put up with the discomforts of sex, in exchange for the joy that is raising children.

        1. Alicia

          ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!

  7. 7
    Alicia

    Oh, hell na’ll baby–I had a ball with some of my romps.

    Now, there is a caveat! I met a few jerks who were out only for the lay when I wanted a bit more ( who lied and schemed to get the panties) Yes–that was a painful lesson learned. But, it made me careful and actually caused the quality of later relationships to go up.

    It was via sex that I learned what I did and did not want sexually and in interpersonal relationships as a whole. I have regrets sure, but they are shadowed by the things I was able to take away from my sensual explorations. If that dude has only heard about massive regret it either came from those made to feel premarital sex is so dirty and filthy that they rushed off to pray for ten solid hours after doiing the deed or those who will be prone to lie about about how horrible they felt about it, cause yah know, he is a man of god and everything.

    And why don’t these guys ever talk about the numerous cases of REGRET that men and women experience from abstaining prior to sex–dude, articles have been WRITTEN about that…

    And he deleted his post–too funny–they aren’t even PRETENDING to care about facts any more.

    1. 7.1
      Alicia

      *prior to marriage I meant

  8. 8
    Tenrai Hogosha

    Dude, I could write a book on regret from all the opportunities { tail } I turned down. I had a lot of different reasons for doing so and not this one. But, knowing what I do now having a “Butter Effect” ability would be very dangerous. HA!

    1. 8.1
      Alicia

      Ahahahaha, just be glad you married a bi woman–hey–just saying…lol

      1. Tenrai Hogosha

        Ohhhhhh, I know what its like. I’m the tasty side item while you enjoy munching down on the main course.

  9. 9
    Matt Gerrans

    Well, that is a pretty nice illustration of confirmation bias.

  10. 10
    L.Long

    Forget Lot & Noah,What about David and Salomon? They had 300 wifes and a braziliion live-in whores.

    they were screwing day and night just to keep the gals happy!! In the buyBull man, having sex for fun only!!!!

    1. 10.1
      Alicia

      Indeed–I mean, they didn’t want all those sex slaves cause sex sucked so bad….

  11. 12
    Alicia

    Sure, if there is no alternative area of discussion. If however, one venue is closed and a better, more proactive area of discussion is supplied, well now, that person is AWESOME!

  12. 13
    Seamus Ruah

    I e-mailed him about deleting comments (I had commented before the deletions), we’ll see if I get any response.

    1. 13.1
      Lord Narf

      I wouldn’t expect him to try to justify himself, when he’s already done so much to squelch any sort of reasonable expression of an opposing viewpoint. I can’t imagine he could have anything useful to say to anyone less brainwashed than himself.

  13. 14
    jimmy russell

    Luls it looks like he violated your freaze peach. Removing comments on a blog is dishonest.

    1. 14.1
      Lord Narf

      It’s not a free speech issue. It’s just cowardly. It demonstrates the weakness of a position when it can’t even stand up to a discussion with someone who holds an opposing viewpoint.

    2. 14.2
      Alicia

      Dishonest when attempting to hide something, yes. Attempting to moderate a blog so that people can have intelliegent disocurse without constant name calling and disruptive fighting, no. Example–if I am cheating on my wife and my lover shows up at a party I am throwing, I may quickly shuffle her out of the room to keep the affair hidden. If however, I oust a bunch of drunken huzzies who decide to crash my cocktail party and start trouble by being belligernt bitches, I am not hiding a thing, I am simply wanting my guest to continue to have a good time. The youth minister was attmepting to hide the fact that there was another point of view. Moderating or eliminating the internet equvialent of a drunken bitch spoiling for a fight is not the same thing at all.

  14. 15
    Mr. Dave

    Looking at the conversations here, it makes me wonder if we would have as many genres of porn as we do if it weren’t for the bible. Are there any articles or publications about the influence of the bible stories upon how the porn industry came to be as we know it today?

    In any case, it is my opinion that the word guilt is worse than the word fuck, by at least twenty-five percent.

    1. 15.1
      Lord Narf

      Eh, it’s just like everything else in the Bible. Most of the themes and miraculous details were borrowed from earlier religious traditions. I’m sure that the perversions found in the Bible were nothing new, when it was written down, either.

      1. Mr. Dave

        True, I keep forgetting that religion is the most recycled commodity that man has ever dealt in. I wish it were the same for our natural resources.

  15. 16
    LykeX

    It’s not impossible that he could be serious about never having met anyone who didn’t have regrets. After all, it’s likely that he mostly associates with Christians, where the only way that you can even admit to having had sex before marriage is if you immediately follow it up with “…but I regret it and wish I had waited.”

    It goes right down to the core of Christian thinking; you can only be forgiven if you admit that you were wrong, so everyone admits they were wrong (or they just shut up about it altogether). You simply can’t admit to joyful pre-marital sex and remain in good standing with the community.

    Him deleting comments is just another expression of the isolationism common to many of the more fundamentalist Christian communities. It seems like they would prefer to not be reminded of the existence of non-Christians, perhaps except for when they need negative examples to make themselves feel more holy and feed their persecution complex.

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