You know, sometimes I almost feel cruel. But yes, kids, this…
…is a real book, by one Ernest Angley, an Ohio evangelist. Its story, apparently, “reveals the overwhelming fear, torment, death and unimaginable destruction that will take place on Earth after the Rapture. This gripping story is based on 100% Bible truth, and the end times have never before been written about in such shocking reality…”
“Shocking reality” is not, I must honestly confess, the phrase that’s evoked by that cover. We have aggro, laser-eyed WWF Jesus — wearing Elvis pants, and either a crown or a golden skullcap that’s straining to contain his exploding brain — astride a Riverdancing horse who’s got to be voiced by Eddie Murphy. Also, I think Jesus is meant to be holding the horse’s reins, but the artist either forgot to include those or his PC crashed after adding his 103rd Photoshop layer. So it looks more like Jesus is about to left-hook Horsey for a particularly lame wisecrack. “Dayum, Boss! Dat hurt!”
In short, THIS IS THE FECKING AWESOMEST SHIT EVER, and if I didn’t think my own brain would go on strike and possibly divorce me for cruel and unusual punishment, I’d read it yesterday!