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Jun 27 2012

Trololololol

Hey! Want to piss off some homophobic fundie bigots? Of course you do!

So recently, a dearly beloved snack food came out in support of marriage equality. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth among people whose lives are filled with anger and fear, that they would never again be able to enjoy their favorite cookie. Truly, my heart bled. Did yours? I bet it did, you softie, you.

And now, a group of folks called Minnesota for Marriage, which is a curious thing for a group trying to prevent certain people from being allowed to marry to call themselves, are declaring war (which, I guess, is what you do when you’re all about love) against General Mills. Because General Mills supports love and equality and marriage for everyone, you see, and that is an evil Satanic homodevil thing to do. And MFM’s Andy Parrish, who wants all his loyal prayer warriors to know he can be reached at [email protected], will have none of it.

Well, my my. For sure, General Mills definitely needs someone at their backs. So why not? After all, who doesn’t enjoy Count Chocula? (Okay, don’t answer that. But, good grief, Trix! Whose childhood wasn’t positively influenced by the Trix rabbit!)

So here are some fun ideas. You can send old Andy a note letting him know that you appreciate the information that General Mills have come out against the kind of bigotry by which Andy has chosen to define his life, and that you will certainly support their products in any way you can. Better yet, if you’re a gay couple, what fun could be had by sending Andy a photo of yourselves, posing with your favorite General Mills cereal. One of you could be feeding the other a spoonful of Cheerios in a sultry way. Or if you really wanted to make Andy’s head asplode, one of you could be licking flakes of Total off the other’s body with the note “You bet I’m getting 100%!”

Trolling. It is such an art!

Looking forward to seeing what shenanigans ensue.


Quick addendum: General Mills is not the company that makes Oreos. That’s Kraft. Thing is, they’re both proudly pro-equality, the bigots hate them both now, so we should give them our love.


Addendum the Second: According to PZ, this post appears on Minnesota for Marriage’s FB page.

Nothing about blended fabrics, though.

And they’re trying to disown it by saying it was put there by a hacker. (Here’s the proof that that’s a lie and desperate spin, and that they support the scriptural sentiment.) But they wouldn’t take it down until “Facebook’s forensics team” identified the hacker. (eyeroll) So it stayed up until the afternoon of Wednesday, June 27, getting all kinds of high-fives from MfM’s fellow fundie bigots.

But here’s the thing. You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to trumpet your bigotry with a fanfare of Biblical justifications, and then repudiate one of the principal passages from the very holy scriptures upon which that bigotry is founded, because you’re uncomfortably aware that by modern, secular, humanistic moral boundaries, its incitement to murder goes a little too far. If this book is the divinely inspired word of your creator, from whom you believe your “morality” comes, what basis you do have to pick and choose what “morals” he gets to teach you?

If God is your “absolute moral authority,” and he says do this, you can’t say “Yes God, you’re my moral authority, except when you tell me to kill someone.” Because aren’t you then placing your “relative” moral values over those of the “absolute” lawgiver?

Think for yourself. Make your choice. Millennia-old religious edicts or modern enlightened thought? In or out?

59 comments

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  1. 1
    marismae

    Speaking of art, I think that is the *best* animated .gif ever. I just had to chime in to say that. And, <3 Oreo's!

  2. 2
    NancyNew

    This is what I just sent…

    I hadn’t seen the Gay Pride Oreo until now, but let me tell you–even though I try to avoid eating processed foods, this just makes me want to run right out and buy a couple of bags, just to support their statement of equality!

    Good for you, General Mills!

    I then went to the GM Website and copied my comment to them, citing that I’d emailed my support to Randy Parrish.

    Troll Randy–but send Kudos to GM for support, too!

    1. 2.1
      TerranRich

      Purchase some, but then donate them. :) Two birds, one delicious stone.

  3. 3
    George From NY

    I hope these people never hear about Oreo’s DoubleStuf. Their heads will explode.

  4. 4
    Loqi

    Now can one of those generic cereal manufacturers publicly support gay marriage so I can still get cheap cereal while supporting the cause?

  5. 5
    Metaphysical Ham Sandwich

    Good luck, MN. NC feels your pain.

    1. 5.1
      movablebooklady

      QTF

      *waving from Asheville*

  6. 6
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    Clearly the Oreos will win this war… They are led by a general!

  7. 7
    Virgin Mary

    I love their idea of donating General Mills products to the local food bank. I vote we start community food drives all across the country. Encourage people to buy GMs products and donate them to their local food bank. It would show support for GMs, piss off the fundies and help local food banks all across the country in desperate need–three birds…one stone!

    1. 7.1
      N. Nescio

      Or you could give them real food instead.

  8. 8
    Tx Skeptic

    To give props to Oreo for their stance on marriage equality, I’ve changed my facebook profile pic to the rainbow Oreo.

  9. 9
    godlesspanther

    “Hey! Want to piss off some homophobic fundie bigots? Of course you do!”

    Of course I do!

    But….

    Is it possible to do anything to NOT piss them off?

    1. 9.1
      Kevin

      Sure. Die.

  10. 10
    richardburchell

    It looks like a diabetic coma in drag.

    1. 10.1
      richardburchell

      Oh, and love to all my LGBT Friends!

  11. 11
    A Hermit

    My little contribution; just sent them this:

    Thanks for bringing my attention to General Mills support for gay marriage. We’ll often go for the generic brands in the grocery store, but this week my wife of 25 years and I will be buying all General Mills Brand products, to thank them for doing the right thing.

    Love will not be defeated by narrow minded bigots like Minnesota for Marriage.

    1. 11.1
      Martin Wagner

      Let us know if you get a reply.

  12. 12
    Rob

    I’m generally not a big fan of marketing and consumer manipulation, but for once I’m given a concrete reason to have some brand loyalty. Both Oreos and Cheerios are on the shopping list this week.

  13. 13
    annabucci

    LOL so awesome. Too bad General Mills is on my shit list, but kudos to them for this.

    1. 13.1
      N. Nescio

      I will not buy their products, but I did write them to thank them for their stance and that I have a higher opinion of their brand now. I imagine they’re getting deluged by angry calls/emails/letters by the godbotherers, it’d be good to balance that somewhat.

  14. 14
    NUDE0007

    I noticed that on their site you linked to showing them posting this homophobic nonsense, there was a guy named David referencing the bible to show them that Leviticus said other things they are ignoring, and their response was that HE should read the bible. It was hilarious!

  15. 15
    hexidecima

    I always felt sorry for the Trix rabbit and wanted to share my Trix with him.

    General Mills makes Bugles, so one could also do interesting things with those. Or hmmmm, they also make toaster strudels……

  16. 16
    SamG

    Here is mine. It may be too passive-aggresive.

    Hello Sir,

    Until I saw the huge fuss your organization has started, I had no clue that
    either GM or Kraft were so open-minded and accepting. Now that I know,
    I can go and purposely buy their products.

    So, you may have gotten a few closed-minded, religious bigots to stop
    supporting the companies. But, you’ve also helped others, who are not
    closed-minded or bigoted, find a company they are glad to support.

    So, sir, I thank you again. I also hope your horrid bill goes down in
    brightly colored, maybe even rainbow-like, flames.

  17. 17
    sharkjack

    Oreos might be a bit hard to track down here, but bugles I can do. I’m a little confused about this law though, aren’t all states supposed to accept all marriages from all other states?

    Also I love how they ‘debunk’ the ‘myth’ that “redefining marriage will have no effect on anyone else’s marriage”

    Redefining marriage will impact all of Minnesota society because it will change the definition of marriage for everyone. If gay marriage activists get their way, marriage in Minnesota will become genderless.

    Gay marriage won’t exist alongside traditional marriage. Our traditional understanding of marriage will be stripped from the law and will be replaced with this “new” genderless definition of marriage.

    The law will allow no room for those people – a strong majority of Minnesotans – who for personal, ethnic, moral or religious reasons cannot agree with the new definition of marriage.

    Legal experts on both sides of the issue warn of an “immense volume of litigation” against individuals, small businesses and religious organizations. For example, churches and religious organizations can lose their tax exemptions. They can be forced to either abandon their core moral principles or abandon their social ministry.

    Individuals, small businesses and groups will be subjected to lawsuits and regulatory action if they refuse to condone the “new” understanding of marriage.

    Perhaps most profoundly, children at a very young age will be taught in school that marriage is between any two adults, no matter what they have been taught at home, in church or in their ethnic traditions. Under the law, those who believe otherwise will be treated as the legal and moral equivalent of bigots.

    Wait what’s that? They don’t adress that at all? Ah well, at least this shows us their real motivation. If marriage between same sex couples becomes legal, then they’ve got a hell of a problem explaining to their kids why they and the church are so against it, even though the law allows it. After all the USA was supposed to be a christian nation with christian laws straight from the bible. I’d say with all the rewriting of history they’ve done, piling on some additional bullshit shouldn’t be too much of an issue, but what do I know.

    Also it makes clear just how much they are being immoral bigots. Can’t have that now can we.

    With everything I’ve seen of these guys, I’d almost call Poe. It’s too bad they’re not and even if they were, the movement they’re stirring would have real tangible effects even if the organisers were doing it for teh lulz.

    1. 17.1
      dysomniak "They are unanimous in their hate for me, and I welcome their hatred!"

      I’m a little confused about this law though, aren’t all states supposed to accept all marriages from all other states?

      Short answer: No.
      Long answer: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defense_of_Marriage_Act

  18. 18
    Odious Repeater

    *sigh*

    Again with the misunderstood Leviticus passage.

    All it means when it says not to have sex with a man as one does with a woman is “don’t screw a guy in his vagina, that’s totally gross”.

    And yeah – it would be kind of gross, even a progressive such as myself has to agree with that one.

    Can’t believe these fundies still haven’t gotten this one right. :/

    1. 18.1
      dysomniak "They are unanimous in their hate for me, and I welcome their hatred!"

      How about skipping the transphobia? Some men actually do have vaginas.

      1. Odious Repeater

        Sheesh, you know you’re not going to win anything by being PC to the point of absolute boredom? I thought it obvious that my comment was more on the ambiguity of language – even (or especially?) that of God and His messengers – than an actual jab at trans people.

        Anyway – it is by definition impossible to have sex with a man as you would have sex with a woman, so I’m kind of trying to figure out what it actually means.

        1. dysomniak "They are unanimous in their hate for me, and I welcome their hatred!"

          If you think calling sex with trans* people “gross” is no big deal than you are not as progressive as you think. Jokes matter and you are acting like a bigot. But please, double down again. Pigfucker.

          1. Daninthai

            As a long-time pig-fucker, I’m deeply insulted that you would use that term in a derogatory manor.

          2. BooRadley

            Fighting ‘hate speech’ with hate! Classy!

          3. Ryan

            Enjoy a little bit of humor in life. His post was clearly a joke. You are the one who looks like a douche here.

  19. 19
    John

    I thought Leviticus 20:13 was against threesomes. not gay marriage, I’m pro everything and choice

  20. 20
    Aliasalpha

    Hmm that biscuit goes red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet. Where’s indigo?

    1. 20.1
      annabucci

      LOL @ biscuit

      1. MarkB

        Not everbody calls them cookies.

      2. Richard Simons

        Why is that stranger than calling a scone a biscuit?

        1. Hbart

          I thought it was some kind of tortoise

  21. 21
    Randomfactor

    Where’s indigo?

    Shhh. Indigo’s not Out yet.

    1. 21.1
      Theo Bromine

      Good answer, but indigo isn’t a real colour, and AFAIK, only exists in the rainbow because Newton needed to have another colour to make the mystical number 7.

      1. Martin Wagner

        Well, I figure that if Newton can (co-)invent calculus, he can damn well invent whatever color he likes.

      2. Aliasalpha

        That’s slander! You’ll be hearing from the lawyers of one Mr Roy G Biv

      3. Theo Bromine

        I’m not dissing Newton – here’s a verse from a NewtonMass carol (to the tune of “God rest ye merry, Gentlemen)

        Sir Isaac took a beam of light and passed it through some glass
        What shall I call these colours is the question he did ask
        And now we live with Roy G Biv
        In every optics class
        Oh pillars of physics and math, physics and math
        Oh pillars of physics and math

        But I’m an electrical engineer, and resistor colour codes don’t have indigo (though we add black, brown, gold, and white at the start and end), and use the mnemonic “Better Be Ready Or Your Great Big Venture Goes Wrong” (yes I know the other one, but there’s no need to gratuitously link sexism to electronics)

        1. markr1957

          Oh, you’re being a grey-ist now, huh? Sorry, couldn’t resist …….

          1. Theo Bromine

            D’oh GRAY, not GOLD. What on earth was I thinking? (I think I’ll resist the tolerance jokes.)

  22. 22
    jdon

    I’m incredibly excited by the addition of “homodevil” to my vocabulary.

  23. 23
    duckdog

    Hmm. Seems kindof Socialistic and anti-competitive to restrict marriage only to heterosexuals. At present, there is a very Un-American restriction on competition in the free market of marriage. Not sure why all the fundies can’t see that.

  24. 24
    Travis Anders

    Dropped a happy line, as follows:

    Hello, Andy. I’m 27, married and a father of two beautiful children. I recently heard of your organization and its situation regarding General Mills and wanted to drop an email. I want my children to grow up in a world free of moral filth and disgusting acts like bigotry, unnecessary hate mongering and seeking to control aspects of the lives of people you don’t even know. Please cease this stupidity and keep yourself and other empty-minded airheads like yourself hidden away in your prayer huts and out of sight and mind of those of us who actually use that 3 pounds of meat in our heads that we call a brain.

    Love and kisses, lots of tongue,

    Travis Anders

  25. 25
  26. 26
    Ryan

    I read this blog and watch the show often, but have never felt compelled to leave any feedback until now. I’m from Minnesota, so at first I was kind of appalled by this, and then I read the name Andy Parrish. He was friends with my brother, and as I recall, he was a huge dick and soon my brother was no longer friends with him. It’s not too surprising to see that things haven’t changed for poor old Andy, but it’s also kind of infuriating. Part of me wants to go to this protest, but nothing good would come of that.

  27. 27
    Jef

    Sent:

    “Sir

    Thank you for bringing to my attention the recent decision by General Mills to support same-sex marriage rights. As a Brit who has no interest in the public statements of large American corporations I might have missed this entirely were it not for you trumpeting the quaint belief that marriage belongs to tedious, bigoted blow-hards and that SOMETHINGMUSTBEDONE!! to save it.

    It’s so good to know that my purchase of Jus-Rol pastry is both time-saving and virtuous.”

  28. 28
    Chrish

    And in financial news; Kraft and General Mills both report mysterious record breaking annual profits… Spokespersons for both companies say cause is yet unknown…

  29. 29
    usingreason

    I fully expect all free thinkers to flood their local food banks with Oreos in all their forms; cakesters, double stuffs, snack packs, and any others I am missing. It pained me greatly to not put the double stuffs in my shopping bag last night and I got an odd look from the cashier but I put about $20 worth of Oreo products in the donation bin while quietly repeating ‘Fuck you’ over and over in my head.

    1. 29.1
      N. Nescio

      As somebody who used to have to make weekly trips to the local food bank and wound up volunteering there during every day off from work…please don’t do this.

      People who have to decide between things like paying rent or eating need nourishment that comes from real, actual food and not heavily-processed empty calories.

      I realize you feel like you’re doing a good thing by supporting a company that states its public support for an important social issue and donating to a local food bank, but you’re actually being part of the problem here.

      Write GM a letter, buy the products for yourself if you wish, but please, please don’t donate this crap to people who need real nourishment.

  30. 30
    edoleen

    I have just sent the following off to Andy: I hope he enjoys reading it.

    Dear Andy:

    I am so very glad that you alerted me to the fact that General Mills is supporting gay marriage! This is truly astounding!! It is absolutely INCREDIBLE that a MAJOR CORPORATION! – a FOODS GIANT! should do such a thing!!!

    They have certainly let all of us RIGHT-THINKING folks know where their HEARTS AND MINDS are!!!!

    I just want to LET YOU KNOW that I am going to dump all of my OLD BREAKFAST CEREAL and run out and buy ALL NEW stuff – stuff that conforms to the IDEAS HELD AND SUPPORTED BY RIGHT-THINKING PEOPLE.

    YES!!!!!!! It is GENERAL FOODS PRODUCTS EXCLUSIVELY – from now on.

    UNLESS, of course, THEY BACKSLIDE and return to the IGNORANT, STUPID, JUST-PLAIN-DUMB-ASS BIGOTED way of thinking that you espouse.

    Thank you for the heads-up.

  31. 31
    Joshua Fisher

    I couldn’t help but laugh when I read their “declaration of war.” Apparently they are urging everyone to bring all their GM products to the rallies and dump them in a trailer. All of the collected food will be donated to local food shelves. So, not only are they supporting LGBT rights, but also indirectly providing food for the poor.

    Way to go GM!

  32. 32
    sumdum

    Guess I’ll be stopping by the store for Haagen Dasz later this weekend. It’s the only product GM sells here, and I usually go with Ben & Jerry’s. Love their green and social attitude too.

  33. 33
    Ben

    Well I’m going to send him an email of me posing with my boyfriend as soon as I’ve finished writing this message. Truly, what a bastard he is…

  34. 33.1
    ronwatts

    Corporate America operates only from a place of greed. Rainbow oreos are coincidental with greed. Don’t be sucked in by fashionably coloured sugar.

  1. 34
    The Great Oreo War | Pharyngula

    [...] the internet (wait, hang on, I should try to think of a better comparison…) There is now a campaign to show support for General Mills, which is a good thing to do when corporate America does something [...]

  2. 35
    What the Boss likes – George Takei, Kraft and General Mills | Club Schadenfreude

    [...] here’s a lovely blog post about just how entertainingly hypocritical some Christians can be over this nonsense. Share [...]

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