This is an actual postcard snail-mailed to residents of Conway, SC, by The Rock Church, inviting people to their Easter services.
Nice, huh? Now imagine you’re a parent with a kid, and this turns up in the mail, and either your kid sees it, or you immediately think “Holy shit! My kid could see this…” Well, you don’t have to imagine it, because that’s what happened.
Now as you all know, I’m not bashful about sick, politically incorrect, potty-mouthed humor. But I like to think I have enough basic common sense to gauge my audience. I try to understand the fine line between what’s really funny, that people will get, and what’s just trolling. But what happened here is that The Rock Church basically trolled its own congregation and its entire community. Smooth.
Kevin Childs, the pastor, has offered an apology. And he assures us he’s really sorry, and that he’s not making one of those “‘if you’re offended, I’m sorry you’re offended’ non-apologies that don’t impress me either.” But while I’m sure he thinks he’s being sincere, his apology actually turns out to be more offensive than if he’d offered one of those Limbaugh-style not-pologies after all. And here’s why.
The problem isn’t so much the card, it’s the grotesque prejudice behind it.
Apparently, Childs is surprised and disappointed at the criticisms he’s getting, not from his congregation (whom he dismisses, strangely, as “fussy over-churched little Pharisees” — seriously, this guy’s on douche overload), but from atheists.
…if MUCH of the criticism is coming from the very people my own heart longs to reach, THAT stops me in my tracks. I could pretend otherwise. I could stick my jaw out, think up some zinger come-backs, and pretend I’m “earnestly contending for the faith.”
Listen, if fussy over-churched little Pharisees slam us, I honestly could not care less. If their unbelieving neighbors say that we’ve pushed them FURTHER from faith, that will keep me up at night. If our attempt at edgy irreverent outreach cast our church and Christianity in a bad light, blame me. Just me. And I apologize.
So, Kevin, what you’re saying is that you really intended your card as an outreach to atheists? Because somewhere in that cracked clay pot you call a brain pan, you got the idea that we’re such disgraceful, immature, heartless and morally bankrupt people that we would look at an image making a joke of animal cruelty and totally go “LOL! Dude, I used to think religion was bullshit. But this church looks like the fucking bomb! Look at that little bunny’s guts! LMAO! I gotta go to this church now. Maybe if I get lucky the pastor will sodomize a couple of kids and put a kitten in a microwave!”
I mean, really?
Look, dude. You want to reach out to us? Fine. Here’s a protip. We like things like arguments, and evidence, and discussion, and rational discourse. We’re not a bunch of overgrown frat boys lighting farts and doing our best to extend our arrested adolescence into our fifties. (Can you actually light a fart, by the way?) That would be you, if this is any indication. To get us into your church, you first need to convince us your God exists at all. And the way to do that is by engaging that dusty little thing you’ve had on the shelf for years called a mind. Really, man, you could not have faceplanted into a steaming pile of fail more gracelessly if you were Pauly Shore starring in a Uwe Boll movie.
And no, I’m not judging your whole church by your own idiocy, because those fussy little Pharisees have called you on all this, too. If anyone reading this is from Conway, and you know this guy, or anyone from his church, please, tell them to tell him to give his head a shake.