I can’t imagine why they say print media is dying »« Open thread on AE #743

We get… uh, text messages?

Yesterday we received a string of messages which I assume originated from a cell phone.  They had no subject, and the return address was [a ten digit number]@vzwpix.com.

Texter:

Need this question answer while that all the laws was pass down by ((God)) are 100% proven true if he don’t exit.

Me:

Can you ask that again in English?

Texter:
Explain
Texter:
10 commandments as i lived i did all the opposite disobeyed them everything thing the word speaks of happen over an over then i tryed living the way the word said an everything is better just like the word said  100% proven true english ((Gods)) word
Texter (a short time later):
Waiting on a answer russell
Me:
I’m sorry… your grammar and spelling are so atrocious that I can’t make heads or tails of what you’re trying to say.  Is English your first language?
Me (after scratching my head for a while):
I think you’re trying to say that your personal experience somehow demonstrates that a supernatural God exists.  Why, exactly?
Texter:
Ok russell did alot of bad things in life got me no where the bible read of these action the outcome of those action so i started doing wat the bible say now on a very wealthy man.
Me:
How wealthy are you, and how did you become so wealthy with such poor writing skills?  What do you do for a living?
Texter:
That’s funny because your intelligent make you more less intelligent every time you speak got your undivided attention you want to no wat I am worth lol to much info to give to a  non believer i can buy you an sell you.
Me:

I suppose maybe I am becoming “more less intelligent” just by continuing to talk to you.  But for some reason I’m still doing it.

Okay, do I have to play twenty questions?

Do you possess more than one billion US dollars?

If so, do you have a tax return you can show me to back up this claim?

Texter:
knowledge and power is in the hand of the one that knows the truth. your knowledge is weak so that make you less intelligent everything i say onto you will test your being. Than you shall seek the truth.see you on the other side. ((Inshallah))
Me:
So I take it you were lying about being rich then.
Texter: (No answer)
Well, shoot.  I’m sorry the conversation ended so abruptly.  Now I guess I’ll never learn the secret to become less less more wealthy.

Comments

  1. nightman2112 says

    Wow, a brilliant commentary on how seriously to take religion. I thought this was a Christian due to the references to the ten commandments; then I read the Muslim blessing at the end. If major religions are this interchangeable, it’s kinda funny that they still think the other is going to hell. Does this make me less more doomed into teh hell?

  2. Randomfactor says

    Too bad. He was likely about to ask for your help in transferring a large sum of money from his native Nigeria to the US. You would have been rewarded handsomely.

    • says

      Haha, now that guy from Chappelle’s Show is stuck in my head… the one with the foreign (to Americans) accent in the sketch where Dave is in a real-life version of the internet, and the guy is trying to sell him “male enhancement” pills. I half-expected the texter to bust out with “Hey buddy! Buddy buddy buddy! I have something really important I need to talk to you about… wanna increase the size of your penis? Up to 4 inches in a month, bro!”

      Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8U7HztvetQk :D

  3. JetClarke says

    So if he broke the ten commandments (“10 commandments as i lived i did all the opposite disobeyed them everything thing”), is he a thief and murderer? Has he worshiped false idols? What ‘outcome of these actions’ does the Bible (or Koran) mention in THIS world? Isn’t it basically ‘do these and you go to hell -after- you die’?
    Confusing.

  4. Orlando says

    This is from the school of: there are physical laws of the universe such as gravity, therefore there must be a universal law-giver, therefore the christian god of the bible exists.

  5. says

    Yeah I think he is Muslim since he said “Inahallah” which means”God Willing”. As an ex-Muslim woman, I see a lot of ignorance like this everyday. I remember being taught that “all the scientific discoveries prove 100% that god existed”. Really? That’s not the way I see it. But then again, people are really brainwashed and they have to believe what they are told by their religious leaders. So sad…

    • Orlando says

      Odin and Thor have rules against texting. You could try carving on a stone tablet; then Kazim could hurl it to the ground ala Moses.

  6. jacobfromlost says

    The “wealthy” thing reminded me of the two minutes of Glenn Beck I listened to today before I had to turn the radio off. Apparently Jesus was all into individuals, individual freedom, and hated the government in every way, shape, and form, and no bible verses in the new or old testament support the government, working together in ways that might be construed as socialistic or communistic, etc.

    That’s when I open Romans 13 and read, “1 Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2 Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.”

    As well as, “6 This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing”.

    Even Jesus paid taxes in Matthew 17, although he cheated by using magic it seems (he tells Simon to go catch a fish, and in the mouth of the fish he’ll find a four drachma coin? what the hell?). I wonder if that’s where trickle down economics started?

  7. tosspotovich says

    Looks like a niche for a new religious book: “Saving Souls in 160 Characters or Less (English not required)”

  8. atheist from hell says

    If you followed 10 commandments as the texter did will you continue to amass wealth forever. Imagine this happening for everyone around the world. We will have exponential growth of world GDP. But natural resources are limited and thus exponential wealth creation can not be supported for ever.

    So we should not follow 10 commandments.

  9. stubby says

    Good luck remaining an atheist after that thrashing! I would go nuts if I had to deal with people like that on a regular basis.

  10. John K. says

    I suppose if nobody can understand your argument, nobody can refute it either. I have seen chat room bots generate more coherent responses. Yikes.

  11. Thomas says

    It should be pointed out that there’s a pretty decent likelihood that this individual was speaking of the so-called “spiritual wealth” and perhaps not monetary wealth. I hear preachers do it all the time, usually as a way to skirt the issue of the Bible/Jebus promising followers whatever they ask for.

    Evangelism through text. OMG! ;) :p

    • Kazim says

      That’s kind of what I thought he was getting around to. That ridiculous remark “Now I have your undivided attention!” was clearly his fantasy that he had triggered my greed and was using it to string me along to his religious position, when actually I was just trying to get him to provide enough details so I could point out that he was lying. When I voiced this opinion, that was his last message, although maybe he was just bored by then.

      “Spiritual wealth” my ass.

  12. says

    All seems pretty airtight to me. Clearly, everyone who is a devout muslim is rich and no one who is rich is anything but a devout muslim.

    He got into it for the retirement package but the bennies are pretty sweet.

  13. chatterbox says

    I’m pretty certain the reference to buying and selling you referred to the ability to kidnap and ransom you. Or treat you as a slave. You know, since that’s what the bible talks about.

  14. pyrobryan says

    His words became more less intelligible the less less he wrote.

    It’s hard to carry on a conversation with someone when you have to guess at the meaning of everything they say (and not in the “this word could have two meanings” kind of way, but the “I’m not sure which language you’re speaking” kind of way.)

  15. jacobfromlost says

    He may have meant “spiritual wealth”, but the idea of monetary wealth and god is all mixed together. You still hear people say things like, “He has more money than god.”

    Jesus in Matthew 17 (that I refererenced above) asks about Kings–do Kings tax their own children or other people’s children? Obviously they tax other people’s children to run their kingdom, never having made vast amounts of money in the private business sector like Mitt Romney.

    You also have the “divine right of kings”, which is biblically supported, that says the king has the right to rule because god put him there (usually by birthright). So if the king reflects god–ie, god put him there, he has rights no no one else does, and he can tax you because of these things–then the taxes he collects in order to be the rich lord (he couldn’t be the lord if he wasn’t rich via collecting taxes) are enforced by god. And, as an aside, that’s why when WLC says Jesus would never violate people’s “human rights”, he’s talking out a lower orifice. There was no such thing as “human rights” when (if) Jesus was alive–not for many hundreds of years later did the notion even occur to anyone (so Glenn Beck claiming Jesus was all for individual freedom is bs, as that IS a human right no one thought much about back then). In fact, many basic human rights are commanded to be violated in the bible (slavery, freedom of religion, freedom to live without people stoning you to death as a witch, rebelious teen, or collector of sticks).

    Anyway, getting back to the “wealth” thing, I think it is tacitly accepted that the “true believers” will be rewarded with wealth…which means if you are poor, you deserve it (blame yourself for not having a job because you didn’t believe hard enough), and conveniently, if you are not YET rich, just keep believing and someday you WILL be, so keep voting for the interests of millionaires and billionaires, and against the interests of people like yourself, and you will be handsomely rewarded in the near future with millions or billions (see Sarah Palin, lol). And if not, there’s always heaven.

  16. says

    I’m iffy about the religious background of this cat (other than judeo-christian/abramic something or other)

    It looked like the spelling was cleaned up some (nothing made my eyes bleed) but the grammar…

    That, alone, tells me that he/she was almost certainly subject to an American public school, and learned to text before he learned anything about composition or sentence structure.

  17. says

    I think the person was saying that he did the reverse of all the things mentioned in the ten commandments and ended up in a very bad situation … and then he followed all the ten commandments and ended up very rich … the ten commandments being more important from the christian and Judaic perspective … and then the last text ends with an “inshallah” (arabic for God bless, I think) which is a hint at Islam?
    To begin with, if this person did the opposite of the ten commandment, does that mean they stole from their neighbors, coveted their wives, and killed someone? And their God decided that just because they’re on the right track now, they should be forgiven just like that?
    I think this is a troll … and for some reason the last few texts remind me of smeegal from LOTRs …

  18. Karen says

    As I read this, the banner ad at the top of the page is for a degree in Creative Writing. Coincidence? You decide.

  19. DavidLoveMathematician says

    I’m not at all convinced, Kazim, that the texter refused to answer your challenge to provide evidence for his/her claims. I rather think s/he finally passed out from whatever drug (I’m guessing alcohol, or, in Arabic, al-Kohol) s/he took.

  20. DavidLoveMathematician says

    Alice Dreger gave a terrific TED talk last year in which she describes the American paradigm of ‘all men are created equal’ and how different that is from the ‘divine right of kings’ paradigm or more generally the ‘some people are closer to god(s) than other people’ idea with its inevitable consequence that the closer-to-god folks should be followed and obeyed.

  21. Aquaria says

    You’re deluded, annaannabananas, so yes, you’re crazy.

    Doesn’t matter which fairy tale you believe is real. You still believe in something that is imaginary.

    I mean, honestly, if you’re going to believe in fiction, at least be honest about it, like the Trekkies are.

  22. Vall says

    You guys are giving this one too much credit. This is a child’s prank. Evidence:

    “you want to no wat I am worth lol to much info”

    Adults do not spell like that. If you see a bunch of “lol’s” and “wut” or “wat,” it’s either Jerry Coyne or a school age kid, and I think Dr. Coyne has better things to do.

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