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Dec 01 2010

Nice to see so much money so wisely invested

By now, you all know that the Creation “Museum” has plans to build what they think will be a full-size replica of the mythical Noah’s Ark, in order to fleece the drooling, uneducated rubes, of whom there are an unlimited supply. Setting aside exactly how he knows this replica will be authentic (hey, maybe the original had racing stripes — were you there?), it occurs to me that this could be a prime opportunity to do some actual science.

The first thing that should be done is that the ship should not have any modern construction methods brought to bear. The whole thing must be assembled by one old man (it’s unlikely we’ll find a 600-year old, but we’ll split the difference and hire a septuagenarian) using nothing but pitch and hand tools. (Gen. 6:14) Next, assemble all the animals as described in Genesis, and tow the monstrosity out into the middle of the Atlantic, where it will be left for ten months without any resupplying while all of the animals are cared for by a crew of four men and four women inhabiting a grand total of three decks. Assuming the ship floats at all, we’ll see who’s alive at the end of that time. Deal?

Oh, what’s that? This isn’t a scientific enterprise at all, but a theme attraction? But gosh, isn’t the whole sales pitch of Answers in Genesis that science is really on their side? What a fine, fine opportunity to make a real experiment out of all this. Just think of the look on that crusty old fellow Dawkins’ face when it’s all been proved! He’ll be crying into his tea and scones, the blighter! Praise Jesus.

You know, take a minute to think of what $24.5 million would mean to — oh, take your pick. Research in childhood leukemia. Feeding the homeless. Getting people clean and sober and helping them with job training. Christians go on and on about how much more they’re about the milk of human kindness and charity than anyone else. I don’t see anyone being helped by this at all, except Ken Ham and Ken Ham’s checking account. Like so many in the evangelical world, he plays multiple choice with his holy book.

31 comments

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  1. 1
    The Dimery

    Man this makes my blood boil, what a load of shit. Good post Mr. Wagner. I just dont understand what they hope to achieve?

  2. 2
    Martin

    Here's your first clue.

  3. 3
    David McNerney

    You know what would be cool?!If the Ark they built was genuine, not just a life size mock up, but in fact a real boat built to biblical specification – and then there was a big huge flood……and it sank.

  4. 4
    JT

    Hey, here's a perfect chance to test out whether 2(or 7) of each pair can fit into it! We'll do that, let it sit for 40 days, and see how well that pans out.

  5. 5
    trj

    Of course, to keep it authentic, they also shouldn't use iron or steel anywhere in the construction, or even any kind of nails for that matter, since none of those things were around back in Noah's day.Good luck holding together a 450 feet long wooden ship with wedges and bronze spikes.

  6. 6
    JT

    Bah, I was so excited to make my comment that I didn't notice that Martin had already made it. I feel dumb. But not as dumb as them.

  7. 7
    Dorkman

    I gotta be honest, if it weren't for the fact that this is a Ken Ham venture (which means not only does it line his sleazy pockets but it'll probably be shoddily constructed and unimaginative) I WOULD find it kind of cool to walk around a life-sized Noah's Ark — in the same way that I'd love to take a stroll around the life-sized (well, technically scaled-up) Hobbiton in NZ, or the Hogwarts Castle they just built in Orlando. I don't see anything wrong with a theme park attraction based on a fictitious/mythological story as a rule, just the part where they run around trying to assert it isn't purely mythological.

  8. 8
    Guillaume

    Let`s not forget that the old man has to be an alcoholic.

  9. 9
    tsimpson1991

    I agree with "Dorkman" -I feel rude typing that, but it’s the user name. Though the money could be spent on a better cause, I agree with him that a giant ark could be enjoyable to visit, but with the declaration that it is indeed fiction. I mean this in the same way Universal Studios has a fake Jurassic Park, ET world, and giant King Kong reproduction. The problem is that the employees at Universal studios are not telling kids that the giant King Kong is a replica of something that is factual and real, and then making up unsupported claims to support it. Since it's a theme park, they could always incorporate a Great Flood water ride, and make it realistic with animatronic drowning bunnies, puppies, babies, and pregnant women. That might deconvert a few.

  10. 10
    MAtheist

    So Ken Ham cites a poll saying 63 percent of Americans would visit a full scale replica of Noah's Ark, but it doesn't say why.Personally, I would visit it so I could mock them. I would walk through the ark pointing out how it would not even hold all the animals from your local zoo, let alone every species on the planet. I would wonder out loud about storing enough food for the "flood", and how a handful of people could care for all these animals. I would exclaim to all that could hear what an incredible waste of money it is to build something that shows how the Bible stories are wrong, money that could have been used for so many beneficial purposes. Then, after hopefully making some people think for themselves for a change, I would do it all again.(assuming I haven't already been thrown out and banned)

  11. 11
    Neato Spiderplant

    Did Noah have $24.5 million?

  12. 12
    Mark B

    You don't need to wait for Ken Ham, the Ark is in Pittsburgh:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcx1GcwSHSY

  13. 13
    Gods_misled_children87110

    So many young minds to influence with religious indoctrination in our modern scientific time. Suppose this is going to be a nation wide christian school of thought attraction for kids? Let's go take a field trip to Noah's ark to prove it was real!

  14. 14
    Gods_misled_children87110

    Also, this is equivalent to building a giant replica of a flying saucer mothership for UFO buffs, only it wouldn't fly or abduct humans and in this case won't float with or without all the worlds nostrilled animals on board.

  15. 15
    Gods_misled_children87110

    Now tell me what would the big boat do in rough sea weather or conditions like described in the bible? Here is a modern cargo ship undergoing stress of bad weather. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEkErF51UxgWould Noah's ark simply crack and sink?

  16. 16
    Wargasm

    I lold imagining Richard Dawkins crying into his tea and scones. Gives me an insight to what a True Christian would imagine victory to be.

  17. 17
    Wargasm

    We've already done all of the calculations – not that we even needed to – but the story of Noah's Ark is completely impossible. That won't stop frothing at the mouth morons from paying top dollar to go see it though.

  18. 18
    tsimpson1991

    The part a lot of christians don't think about is that fish have nostrils. since the bible says all animals with nostrils were on the boat, then fish would have to be on the boat….cuz they have nostrils, along with sea snakes and sea turtles; and many other water animals.

  19. 19
    Johannthecabbie

    You know Martin, you should pitch that idea to some TV exec. It would make for an amusing reality show.

  20. 20
    Ryan V

    Oh, God, if they actually built something that could hold 2 of every species… O_o

  21. 21
    kopd

    I don't care if they use hand tools or chainsaws, I just want them to prove that a wooden boat of those dimensions won't split in half from the stress. There's a reason ships didn't get that large until the advent of steelyards.

  22. 22
    1984

    Hi! I'm writing from Brasil and I'd like to say that I really enjoy your TV show.The percentage of atheists in Brasil isn't something that I'm proud of, but we have here many websites that promotes rational discussion about religion and atheism.Take a look:T.P.M. (Theory and Practice of Mediocrity)http://guiatpm.wordpress.com/BRASIL 1984 (an Orwellian analisys)http://www.brasil1984.blogspot.comsee you,an Brazilian Atheist

  23. 23
    miker42

    I am looking forward to the reactions of the theists who visit the life sized ark. For some people this is the sort of in-your-face demonstration it will take to convince them this particular story is a myth. Unfortunately, I expect the experience of seeing this story revealed to be a fraud will be compartmentalized by theists. Believers will not understand that the rest of the bible stands on a similar foundation. But hey, it is a step forward. One crazy story debunked at a time. And it doesn’t hurt to have the story shown to be impossible by one of their own. If this is the way to demonstrate reason to theists then, hey, maybe this Ham guy is really a covert atheist? I think a possible reason to speak out against the project is the tax breaks they are getting from the state. But I’m sitting on the fence on that issue at this point. If every amusement park gets the same breaks, and this is a for profit company paying the same discounted rates, then there is no problem.

  24. 24
    mikespeir

    I'd like to see them stock the thing with two (or seven) life-sized replicas of all the animals that would have had to fit in. People would come away doubting rather than believing.

  25. 25
    Thomas

    I wonder if they will end up "cheating" (using modern materials and methods to build it) and then proclaiming the "miracle" that Noah was able to do it without these things

  26. 26
    Chris

    Martin – A-freaking-men. This is the worst religious idea that I've heard for at least a day or so.

  27. 27
    Mauricio Duque

    I realy want to see this, in Brasil we have the Cristo Redentor, but its just a big statue of Jesus.Maybe Matt Dillahunty or Jeff Dee, can launch the ark, then you see all the hate of the cristians when the boat sinks, trowning the blame on the atheists XD.

  28. 28
    Leisha Camden

    @Thomas: You really wonder about that? ;-)

  29. 29
    magx01

    The should include a life sized replica of a passed out drunk Noah.

  30. 30
    iota

    What this post fails to mention is that part of the cost to construct the big, silly boat may be paid for with tax dollars.According to a Q&A with Governor of Kentucky, this is a real possibility, and not, in his opinion, a constitutional violation.Check it out: http://theuncannyiota.wordpress.com/2010/12/03/lets-build-a-big-boat/

  31. 31
    Sungyak

    hey martin, i'm curious to hear your response to my response. http://theisticexperience.blogspot.com/cheers.

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