Quantcast

«

»

Jun 17 2010

Hate Mail From Jesus

This little missive arrived this evening from the Son of God. That would be Jesus@ one of those free email hosts:

Yes, i saw your show and how you motherfuckers were dissing my Dad.
I just wanted to say FUCK U ALL. Hell is not a fun place motherfuckers. I died on the cross and sacrificed my life for you assholes to not only deny Me but my Father as well? GO TO HELL. ALL OF YOU ATHEISTS ARE GOING TO HELL YOU WILL BURN FOR ETERNATY. You will experince your gratest nightmares down there. How can you be so ungratefull for everything you have. You keep calling my Father and the “Invisible man up in the sky”. I guess he will just take air and gracity away since those are invisible as well and you probably dont belive in them as well.

Damn, Jesus. Not much gets by you, does it? The show’s only been on the air for going on 13 years, and already you’ve found us. Why, that’s almost as impressive as all those fulfilled prophecies.

One thing does disappoint me, though. I would have expected the messiah to be a better speller.

26 comments

Skip to comment form

  1. 1
    Gio

    My mother always told me that using curse words makes Baby Jesus cry. I wonder if Jesus using curse words makes Baby Jesus cry…I declare a time paradox!

  2. 2
    Wired For Sound

    "One thing does disappoint me, though. I would have expected the messiah to be a better speller."Be kind. English isn't Jesus's first language.

  3. 3
    tracieh

    Oh NOES, don't take away my's gracity!Haha. Haven't looked at viewer mail since this morning–see what I'm missing?!

  4. 4
    BeadKnitter

    Sheesh! With an attitude like that, Jesus himself is gonna end up in hell. Wouldn't that be priceless? Hee hee hee!

  5. 5
    Félix Desrochers-Guérin

    He didn't mention sending someone to punch you in the head, did he?

  6. 6
    Cafeeine Addicted

    I smell an atheist poe trollin'.On another matter, love the new design!

  7. 7
    Drew

    It's a lot funnier if you see the trollful nature of the mail. And in the case that this wasn't troll fodder, well, consider me convinced!

  8. 8
    Wojtek

    Actually I'm quite sure that this one is a troll.

  9. 9
    Ryan

    How precious an six year old learned how to use the internet!!

  10. 10
    Corey Parker

    @Félix Desrochers-GuérinMatt is the one he's sending to be punched in the face.I think he'll just do the locusts thing for Jen. Who knows?

  11. 11
    Godlessons

    I think it's rather funny how I get banned from christian places on the internet for pretending to be God, because it's blasphemy. I guess it's okay though, as long as you're blaspheming in order to tell atheists they are going to hell.

  12. 12
    Joleen

    Teehee. Technically isn't pretending to be god or jesus one breaking one of the rules or commandments or something? You'd sort of expect jesus to have his own internet domain address too. so instead of jesus@ free email host.com it would be jesus@holy trinity.com or something. I mean, surely daddy could pull a few strings to give him his own web address?

  13. 13
    JD

    Respect my ETERNATY!

  14. 14
    Mark B

    For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son to PUNCH YOUR FAT FACE IN.

  15. 15
    Guillaume

    So Jesus is alive, but he is a dick! Must be old age. Imagine his dad!

  16. 16
    Dave from canada

    Uh oh, jesus is involved. It only takes Jesus 4.5 seconds to get to earth.

  17. 17
    arensb

    I think "gracity" is what gravity was called before it fell from grace.

  18. 18
    Tina-cious.com

    It never ceases to amuse me when "Christians" say stupid shit like, "All of you atheists will burn in hell!" as if it's some sort of threat.That's like saying, "The Easter Bunny will eat your eyes out in your sleep!"GAWD, just when I think people have hit the bottom of the Stupid Tree, they shoot for the roots…

  19. 19
  20. 20
    ThatAtheistChick

    @Godlessons I have to agree. It seems that it's okay to commit blasphemy in order to tell us off and condemn us to hell. I think I can speak for most of us on this forum, when I say that I smell hypocrisy.

  21. 21
    Dorkman

    He almost said you were going to hell for ETERNETAH, which would have been much more awesome.

  22. 22
    JT

    It would have been much more of a real sacrifice if Jesus died and went to hell, as opposed to heaven. I'm going to go ahead and sacrifice my little red wagon for you guys. It's okay, I have a Corvette waiting for me.

  23. 23
    skepticmatt

    Traditionally, messiahs and prophets are illiterate. This guy is an improvement.

  24. 24
    Steven Bently

    A little spell checking goes a long way!"yes, i sawed yore sho and howl ewe mutherphuckers where pissing mi Dhad. eye gust wanted too say PHUCKUALL. Hayel is knot a phun place mutherphuckers. Eye dyed on thee cross sand sacrificed mi lyfe fore ewe assouls too knot on lee denye mee butt my Farter ass whale? GOE TWO HAYEL. AWE OFF EWE ATHEISTS R GOINK TWO Hayel EWE WHEEL BERN FOUR ETERNATY. EWE wheel experince yore gratest nite mares down thare. Howl kan ewe bee sew ungratefull fore everyting ewe half. U keep cawling mie Farther and thee "Invisible man up in the sky". Eye guess he wheel juss take air and gracity away sense those r invisible ass whale and u probably dont beleave in dim ass whale."Prays Hiss Wholey Kname, Geebus!

  25. 25
    Asrahn

    Looks legit!Also, what Andrew Brown said. Cut poor Jesus some slack.

  26. 26
    VladTheImpala

    Gravity = angels pushing you (and EVERYTHING) "down" (in the direction of the largest/nearest mass).Gracity = angels haulin' yo ass up tuh Hehvun come the Rapchuh

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite="" class=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>