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Apr 17 2010

Rush, if you wanna be truly evil, you gotta be less lame

So Rush Limbaugh woke up yesterday in his palace on Geidi Prime, and while he was being hoisted by his catamites into the gravity-support harness he’d been given by the Baron Harkonnen as a hand-me-down, it occurred to the least drug-benumbed of his brain cells to think, “You know, I’m tired of everyone in the galaxy thinking Pat Robertson is a more evil piece of shit than I am. Let alone the Baron!” So on his radio show that day, he made the awesomely ludicrous suggestion that his Republican God caused the volcano in Iceland to erupt because He was pissed off over Obamacare.

Truly, there is no bottom to the level of rank idiocy defecated across the right-wing airwaves.

Thing is, if Rush was angling to take Pat Robertson’s “Most Evil Piece of Shit in the Galaxy” crown from him (with its lifetime supply of mélange and a little Oxycontin on the side), he lamed out. Because as evil as Pat is, you’ve gotta give the old boy props for backing that evil up with balls so large they exceed most known Kuiper Belt Objects in sheer mass. Over more than half a century, Pat has leveled up his evil to such a degree, he could calmly exploit a disaster that killed a quarter of a million people, informing them as if it were the most natural thing to say that it was all their own fault for making pacts with some imaginary devil.

On the other hand, the eruption of Eyjafjallajökull (I had to copy-paste that, and don’t even challenge me to pronounce it), while it has wrecked everyone’s flight plans and necessitated some serious evacuations, has apparently had a death toll so low I cannot find it recorded anywhere. (Maybe someone else’s Google-fu will be better.) So Rush was careful to pick a disaster where hardly anyone’s died, avoiding the universal condemnation that Pat got, even from Shepard Smith on Fox News. Though if anyone did condemn Rush, he’d just whine about the leftist socialist media ganging up on him again.

So you’re just too lame to be the ultimate in supervillainy you were hoping for, Rush. But don’t worry. You are still a total piece of shit and all decent people hate you. You’re welcome.

40 comments

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  1. 1
    Guillaume

    I am stranded because of that damn volcano. The Norse were right to think they were evil fire giants. Maybe Odin is the one true god and this the beginning of Ragnarok. On a side note, I got the Dunes references, but am I dreaming or is there one to Anthony Burgess' Earthly Powers too? Waking up with catamites, that sounds oddly like its first chapter.

  2. 2
    Dave from canada

    Eye-a-fyatt-la-jo-kutlOh and I must be getting used to the individuals voices in the writing, because the second I saw geidi prime I knew it had to be martin.I love how the christian god is extremely specific in his wrath but so incredibly inneffective. Earthquakes hit 100 year toolate and all his volcanoes do is make people miss some planes. He's about as powerful as heavy fog.Now compare to zeus. If he were pissed off, we'd be up to our asses in lightning bolts and centaurs and overly amouros livestock.Hell, even dyonisus could get some heads ripped off now and then.yahweh is pretty damned impotent.

  3. 3
    Martin

    Eye-a-fyatt-la-jo-kutlOh. That helps. Thanks.Guillaume, no Earthly Powers ref, I fear. Now I have to read that.

  4. 4
    Gizmo

    Martin, I love your blog entries but I love you so much more now that you referenced Dune and especially in the way you did cause forever now I will associate the Baron with Pat Robertson and it will make me smile ;p

  5. 5
    Gizmo

    Er pat and rush. We need someone who is an artist to make a Rush with suspensors and maybe a background of geidi prime or Arrakis.

  6. 6
    Jeremy

    Let's not forget that Rush has also blamed the recent WV mine collapse, which resulted in 30 deaths, on unions. Apparently, he failed to research because it was easy enough to find that the mine's owners, Massey Energy, consistently prevented the miners from unionizing by threatening to close the mines down if they did. naturally, this prevention was made possible by the very people Rush promotes.

  7. 7
    Petr Kudláček

    Yes the Dune reference was excellent. You might want to think about teaming up together with Coughlan666. ;)

  8. 8
    DavidCT

    Gee if the Republican Skyfairy wanted to be really impressive he could re-erupt the mega volcano with is Yellowstone Park. I guess he just doesn't have the magma for it.Rush is just another sad example of the effects of long term drug abuse.

  9. 9
    Leisha Camden

    Ha ha, I can pronounce it. I bet Rush can't, though.What an unbelievable piece of pond scum.

  10. 10
    Mark B

    Sayeth the Rush:"This volcano in Iceland has grounded more airplanes — airspace has more affected — than even after 9/11 because of this plume, because of this ash cloud over Northern and Western Europe."Dumbass, so is your point that the god of the Muslims had the Xian god edged out until this event?

  11. 11
    Guillaume

    Maybe God wants to punish Iceland for whaling and Bjork? But then why would he spare them in the recent eruption? Maybe he likes Bjork after all. Maybe Limbaugh should listen to Bjork as an act of worship. @Martin-I felt victim of my own confirmation bias, I guess. It's a great book, starting like this: "It was the afternoon of my eighty-first birthday, and I was in bed with my catamite when Ali announced that the archbishop had come to see me."

  12. 12
    Jonimp9

    So apparently when we piss off god, he can't even punish the right people. I wonder what would happen if we made gay marriage legal? Would god send a typhoon to hit Taiwan?

  13. 13
    Afterthought_btw

    Wow – God must be really inept if in order to punish 'Obamacare', it does something that ends up causing far more hassle to the UK and Ireland (being island nations, and thus more reliant on planes for travel).

  14. 14
    Kyle S

    Shep Smith is the only one on Fox that even approaches being a journalist. He was the one who screamed on their website "We don't fucking torture!" – that among other things.I'm surprised he's lasted that long there.

  15. 15
    Nick Jones

    The only reference I found to deaths relating to this eruption is here:http://eyrarbakkinews.blogspot.com/2010/04/first-volcanoes-death-toll.html Apparently three people ran out of gas as they were driving around looking at the volcano and the resulting cold killed two of them, while the third was rescued (one lived, it's a miracle!). So, even if the eruption were the result of a god objecting to the president's health care plan, the lack of direct deaths would seem to indicate that said god was only a trifle miffed about it, not ragingly angry. It certainly doesn't seem to reach the level of wrath coming from most tea partiers, who would undoubtedly protest the bill by dropping an asteroid on France. I'm also not sure why an American health care bill would be cause for divine punishment on Europe, though I guess it does leave open the possibility to blame any future disasters in the bible belt on things that happen in Australia.

  16. 16
    Martin

    Right, it's as if God meant to punish America for HCR, and he missed. Oh well, that would be a good argument for God being Republican.

  17. 17
    Ing

    "his wrath but so incredibly inneffective. Earthquakes hit 100 year toolate and all his volcanoes do is make people miss some planes. He's about as powerful as heavy fog.Now compare to zeus. If he were pissed off, we'd be up to our asses in lightning bolts and centaurs and overly amouros livestock."Having six eyes screws up the depth perception.

  18. 18
    Kevin

    Do people actually believe this stuff? Wouldn't you think that Zeus would have a little more weight in convincing people that natural disasters aren't the will of a god? Do they actually think that their god replaced Zeus's, Poseidon's, etc. mythical wrath or are they just trying to create shock value to increase publicity?

  19. 19
    Guillaume

    I have my own theory about the volcanic eruption and its divine origins. I think it is a manifestation of the fire giant Surtr:http://vraiefiction.blogspot.com/2010/04/eyjafjallajokull-or-beauty-of-beast.html

  20. 20
    Woden

    Being Icelandic I can say that I don't blame you for staying away from pronouncing that but to be honest most people aren't too alarmed here in Iceland, we only got a bit alarmed when the crack reopened underneath the glacier (jökull = glacier). But the main concern was and is for lifestock and the roads.I disown Bjork and everything she stands for. See Jeff Who, Jet Black Joe and Mugison for proper Icelandic music.

  21. 21
    Martin

    Not sure I grok the anti-Björk sentiments. I think she's pretty remarkable more often than not, plus a good atheist. Though I admit Medulla totally lost me.Anyway, that's the end of that thread drift.

  22. 22
    Ing

    "Not sure I grok the anti-Björk sentiments. I think she's pretty remarkable more often than not, plus a good atheist. Though I admit Medulla totally lost me."I only read Martain at first and my first thought was "Boy am I far behind on my Star Trek"

  23. 23
    Vadim

    I don't listen to Rush, but I also know that he's not an idiot. He's very shrewed, and pretty smart, as far as that goes. Is what he said being taken out of context and everyone is jumping over tongue-in-cheek comment? Just askin'.

  24. 24
    Martin

    If you did listen to him, you'd know he was an idiot.

  25. 25
    Ing

    I don't listen to Rush, but I also know that he's not an idiot. He's very shrewed, and pretty smart, as far as that goes. Is what he said being taken out of context and everyone is jumping over tongue-in-cheek comment? Just askin'."From what I learn from Rush's supports, EVERYTHING he says is out of context.

  26. 26
    Guillaume

    @Vadim-What,s the context, the person talking and the person listening are both iugnorant and thick?@Martin-I still think the recent volcanic eruption might be a manifestation of fire giant Surtr. The D&Dr geek that I am would be happy, if I wasn't stranded here in Montreal.

  27. 27
    Frits

    The problem with limbaugh is that he isn't stupid, but that he purposefully and apparently effectively propagates stupidity and ignorance… I really believe he knows better but has a lot invested in keeping people stupid

  28. 28
    Godlessons

    I guess nobody knows a joke when they hear one. It's easier to take things literally when you want to make a person look like a fool.

  29. 29
    筱婷筱婷

    thank you for you to make me learn more,thank you∩0∩

  30. 30
    Ing

    "I guess nobody knows a joke when they hear one. It's easier to take things literally when you want to make a person look like a fool."Again, EVERYTHING Rush says is apparently out of context. Despite his claims Rush is NOT a comedian. The "Just jokeing" excuse is old.

  31. 31
    Frits

    @godlessonWhat a bunch of BS… I have heard limbaugh say the most atrocious things throughout the years… These things were meant, and not as a joke. It's just that as soon as anyone notices his hatespeeches and says anything about them he hides behind the lame excuse that it's 'just a joke'he has done so on so many occasions without toning down his hatespeeches even slightly. even if this were true they would be a lot of sick jokes and some very stupid ones (like this one). but when listening to his callers it's obvious THEY at least don't take it as a joke, and he doesn't abuse them of that notion, unless someone outside of his fanbase notices and starts askig questions.

  32. 32
    Vadim

    Everything Rush says is not out of context. Rush has a history of distorting facts, spinning them to his liking, and whipping his drones into frenzy. But it is a far cry to go from that, to claiming that he was serious about that particular comment.Again, even when I was one of them (right-wing, born again nut), I couldn't stomach Rush, but to portray him on par with Pat Robertson is counter-productive. IMHO.

  33. 33
    John

    Yeah, I have to call bullshit on Media Matters. Limbaugh is pretty a-religious. It is out of context quote-mining, which they do all the time. He's making fun of Obama's "Armageddon" statement, not making a serious Robertson-esque claim about the volcano.

  34. 34
    Ing

    "Again, even when I was one of them (right-wing, born again nut), I couldn't stomach Rush, but to portray him on par with Pat Robertson is counter-productive. IMHO."I fail to see how mocking Rush is ever NOT productive!

  35. 35
    Martin

    Yeah, I have to call bullshit on Media Matters. Limbaugh is pretty a-religious. It is out of context quote-mining, which they do all the time.And yet another "out of context" defense. I've never seen Media Matters quote any of these right-wing media mouthpieces where they haven't offered the whole context, including this time. Again, maybe the remark was an example of Rush's "sense of humor," but if that's so, his sense of humor is about as sound as his sense of politics, ethics, science…anything at all, really.

  36. 36
    Ing

    Ok, you people really don't see how it's not hard to take Rush seriously on this?The guy who mocked Michael J Fox's illness The guy who repeatedly "joked" about AIDS, mocking those inflicted?The guy who insists on calling bi-racial folk, "Halfrican Americans"?The guy who urged people NOT to help Haiti relief?The guy is Poe incarnate. You have to be halfway reputable in order to engage in absurdest satire in the first place. If everything out of your mouth is already bullshit, how the FUCK are we supposed to tell when you're intentionally spewing bullshit?

  37. 37
    rrpostal

    I think someone pointed this out, but I'm relatively certain this was an attempted joke. Let's not underestimate and in so doing show that we can completely miss the context of what he was getting at. I really don't mean to defend him AT ALL. I just don't want to look stupid in condemning someone for a bad joke.I've actually read a Rush Limbaugh book or two. They are right next to my Michael Moore, PJ O'Rourke and Al Franken books. When we completely underestimate these folks, we miss the reasons they have followers. It's not entirely that everyone is an idiot (partially maybe).

  38. 38
    Ing

    "I really don't mean to defend him AT ALL. I just don't want to look stupid in condemning someone for a bad joke."My point was Rush says so many stupid things its nigh impossible to tell his jokes from his POV. Of course he insists it's ALL jokes and everything is taken out of context. It's the boy who cried wolf with him. If he says stupid offensive insensitive shit all the time, and says something that sounds like stupid offensive insensitive shit. It's not unreasonable to be mistaken. I'm still not convinced it is since he always falls back on "it was a joke".

  39. 39
    bill21843

    Here are some questions I have for Rush:1Why did god cause an event in Iceland, if it was the President of the United States he is upset with? Wouldn’t an event in the United States have been a better way to communicate his anger to the person is he supposedly upset with?2Isn’t a volcano eruption with no return address a poor way for a god to explain who he is, why he is angry, what he is doing to express his anger, and how people can avoid future punishment? For example, an email to every computer on the planet would be a far more effective and less destructive method.3How are we to tell the difference between natural disasters and terrible events caused by angry gods?4Even if we do assume a particular natural disaster is the result of a god’s wrath, how are we to determine which human behavior is responsible for it? For example, suppose an earthquake occurs the week after both an abortion rights bill is passed in Georgia and the USA invades a foreign country without provocation. What is the god angry about: the abortion bill or the war (or maybe something else entirely)?

  40. 40
    Winston

    Good grief. Rush, Beck, Robertson et al are the reason social conservatismis social fascism.

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