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Jan 06 2010

Came up with a one-liner, now I’m just waiting for an opportunity

Hypothetical nondenominational new agey theist caller: “Don’t you understand, God is the energy in the universe.”
Russell: “Do you measure him in joules or calories?”

27 comments

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  1. 1
    Leah

    Now I'm waiting for an opportunity to use that one. That's awesome!

  2. 2
    George From NY

    Oh sure, go ahead and blame the joules. Racist!;)

  3. 3
    channel lox

    1.21 gigawatts!

  4. 4
    Andy

    You know what they say about empty calories.

  5. 5
    dreamking00

    reminds me of an episode the Skeptoid podcast did on New Age "energy."

  6. 6
    Curt Cameron

    channel lox wrote:"1.21 gigawatts!"Uh, that's power. How about this: 1.21 gigawatt-hours!

  7. 7
    Guillaume

    Good one. In the meantime, maybe I'll start worshipping the pasta I'll have tonight. Transsubstantiation is now clear to me.

  8. 8
    Zachariah

    Does that mean God is responsible for our current energy crisis?

  9. 9
    Watoosh

    I came up with another retort: "If God is the energy in the universe, does that mean that the Devil is dark energy?"

  10. 10
    Mark B

    Russell: "Do you measure him in joules or calories?"More to the point; Do you measure it at all?

  11. 11
    David Buck

    Is that kinetic energy or potential energy?

  12. 12
    DavidCT

    After recently looking at the bible if you were to convert that god energy to matter, all you would get would be a turd.How can people believe in this crap?

  13. 13
    Thomas

    Hypothetical Caller: God is loveTom: So, I can't give you any money. It's illegal to pay for love.

  14. 14
    pdrap

    I prefer SI units, so joules it is.

  15. 15
    kopd

    If I recall correctly, the net energy of the universe is 0. Therefore God is nothing.

  16. 16
    Pilot Darren

    Guillaume,What kind of pasta is it??? And can it fly???

  17. 17
    Nathan Dickey: Journeyman Heretic

    Great retort! Although I now harbor a suspicion that some 'prank' callers will attempt to actually use that hypothetical claim just to hear you say it.

  18. 18
    Wasder

    I think they should ban praying in public pools, then. No one would want to get electrocuted like that.

  19. 19
    Pilot Darren

    Despite the fact that I was pulling for UT this evening in the national championship game, I couldn't help but pass this one up…I guess colt mccoy _really_ is second!http://www.iamsecond.com/#/seconds/Colt_McCoy/i'm sorry

  20. 20
    George From NY

    "I think they should ban praying in public pools, then. No one would want to get electrocuted like that."Deus volt, eh?(YES! Yes, I actually made that joke. I regret nothing.)

  21. 21
    Guillaume

    @darren-No, but it can stick to the wall when al dente. Hey, I think I've got my trinity: raw, al dente and cooked.If God is energy, then the Flying Spaghetti Monster is surely the one true god. Hallelujah!

  22. 22
    Michael Kingsford Gray

    I have an Erg…

  23. 23
    Huxley

    Awesome, a god which grows more impotent over time. That second law of thermodynamics is a bitch.

  24. 24
    Ing

    @DavidTCThat is actually fairly significant. You can get a decent amount of work harnessed by combusting fecal matter.

  25. 25
    Guillaume

    @Ing-Are you saying that God is full of shit? Or shit is full of God?I had gnocchi tonight. Is God in there too? And does transsubstantiation work with beer as well as with wine?

  26. 26
    Feasul

    @Watoosh: "I came up with another retort: "If God is the energy in the universe, does that mean that the Devil is dark energy?""Well, since Dark Energy outweighs everything else in the Universe, at least that would answer the problem of evil.

  27. 27
    Ing

    "beer as well as with wine?"That depends on whether the transub phenomena is contingent on alcohol or grapes. Either way more study is needed.

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