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900′-tall Jesus steps on Oral Roberts

And another one bites the dust. What a card that God is! He tells Oral that Oral will be summarily killed if the money isn’t raised to keep his faith healing center afloat. And so Oral gets the money, and then the center shuts down three years later anyway! Then God waits until the fellow is basically decades older than the average human life expectancy, and kills him then, without a warning or cash extortion attempt of any kind. God, you joker you!

Oh, well, actually, God was never involved in any part of it. Oral was just another huckster who struck it rich exploiting ignorance and gullibility, and enjoyed the sort of long and prosperous life that, if we lived in a just world, honest people would be more entitled to. But I suspect even Oral wasn’t as shady as the federally-investigated Kenneth Copeland, seen below administering a kind of Christian rolfing to the ORU patriarch. If you wish to commemorate Oral’s passing by captioning/LOLing this, we won’t stop you.



Addendum: Here’s mine. Forgive me. (In the event it gets flagged and taken down as “inappropriate,” I’ve taken a screenshot.)

DEAR LORD, GIVE UNTO THIS MAN A PITA BREAD SANDWICH

Comments

  1. says

    "Sorry, God doesn't do a healing for baldness."So, if these sorts of things go in threes, can we hope for Pat Robertson and Benny Hinn to round out the trifecta?

  2. says

    Those Oral Roberts dicks…the ORU is giving away international scholarships to latin american christians, and bleeding them for money to pay they "word of the Kingdom" missions or some shit…imagine, this fundies now steal money from poor people they were supose to aid…

  3. says

    "It takes over 30 puppeteers working in perfect synce to manipulate just fifteen minutes or Roberts screen time.""now a days though George Lucas just does it all with green screen"

  4. says

    Also, man oh man was I disappointed that your title wasn't literal. The idea of Roberts biting it from a Jesus statue falling on him is just too delicious. Is there anyway to retcon reality?

  5. says

    "NEWSBREAK: AS THE TWO HANDED SEARCH WINDS TO A FRUITLESS CLOSE, EXPERTS ARE THROWN IN FROM AROUND THE WORLD TO HELP ORAL ROBERTS FIND HIS ASS"

  6. Martin says

    Ing: Actually, the 900-foot Jesus crack wasn't referring to a statue, but Oral's most famous and widely-reported "vision." In case you hadn't heard about it, enjoy this.The band MC 900 Ft. Jesus got their name from this. Probably Oral's only valuable contribution to culture.

  7. says

    Almighty Lord in Heaven, HEAL this poor man of his wretched name! Left and right he hears childish puns and obscene jokes about it. Lord Jesus, make this man better, HEAL this man!My God, he's been cured! His name is now Kevin! Hallelujah! Praise be upon Him, for he is merciful and all-powerful!

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