In celebration of the impending conviction of cult leader Tony Alamo on child-sex charges, I thought we’d host a little contest. I have no idea what the winner will get yet. Maybe I’ll think of something eventually, and I’m open to suggestions. “Your own child bride” is not an option, no.
I’m inspired by the remarkable writings of one of Tony Alamo’s followers, allexus8, who has turned up in the comments of the previous Alamo post to harangue us all in a manner that can only be compared to avant-garde, stream of consciousness (or semi-consciousness) free verse. Truly, it’s got to be read to be believed. Check the following exerpt, and see if you don’t agree that a unique and very special poetic voice is in our midst. Behold:
THE SECOND DEATH YOU LYING DOGS PIGS YOU CAN OINK OINK OINK ALL DAY ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DO NOT KNOW ABOUT, OH YES TONY IS GOING UP TO THE BEAUTIFUL PLACE GOD GOT FOR THOSE THAT LOVE HIM. IN THE GOLDEN CITY WHERE GOD IS THE LIGHT.ALL THE LIES YOU TELLING ON TONY ALAMO IS ALL LIES TO SET HIM UP BECAUSE HE EXPOSE YOUR STINK ALL LYING MONSTROUS CULT YOU GONE STAY ATHEIST DEVIL YOU ALL ARE CHILD
Is that great, or is that, as Tony the Tiger might say, grrrrreat? Seriously, it’s like — oh, I dunno — e.e. cummings and Bukowski had a child or something, except they made damn sure it was born with fetal alcohol syndrome. I bet allexus8 simply kills at open-mic slams.
My challenge to you, dear AXP readers, is to see if you can match allexus8’s literary gifts! Can you convey such emotion, such pathos, such an electrifying summation of the ennui of existence and the precarious, existential angst inherent in the human condition? Can you even come close to sounding so totally Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs? I know you’re a gifted bunch out there. Bring it! We’ll all work out whose entry we like the best later on.
(Yes, allexus8 can enter, too.)
For the record, if allexus8 is a Poe, he/she/it is the best one I’ve encountered so far. And if allexus8 is a genuine wackaloon, he/she/it is the best one I’ve encountered so far.