Submitted by Arlo Pignotti. I’m not sure which part of this I find most face-palm worthy, but I suspect it’s a toss-up between:
- the demented giggling after they talk about shedding blood (1:30)
- the anthropomorphic glob of dough’s AWFUL line about yeast (2:10)
- the bit where they do a flailing do-si-do while chanting “Second Corinthians 5:17.” (2:15)
Also, a man who bought a… PEARL? (1:07) WTF?!?
32 comments
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Yaeger
June 16, 2009 at 12:09 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
WTF
Guillaume
June 16, 2009 at 12:27 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
But without a hole, the donuts would not be able to speak! So life is better without Jesus. Never seen anything that stupid. Worse than the babana argument.
Ing
June 16, 2009 at 12:37 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
Well…that talking glob of dough certainly convinced me there's a hell….nothing on earth could spawn that waking nightmare.
Dylan/Darknezz
June 16, 2009 at 1:15 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
Wat.
False Imago
June 16, 2009 at 1:18 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
I remember watching this when I was younger.Oh the horror of it now.
James A. Brown
June 16, 2009 at 1:31 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
Some screwy editing going on there. The giggling sequence was inexpertly spliced to follow the mention of blood.Also, the man buying a pearl is a parable of Jesus in Matthew 13. A pearl merchant finds an expensive pearl and liquidates his inventory to purchase it. The pearl is supposed to be like the kingdom of God. What the parable actually means has been debated by Christians for centuries.Looks like Bible-Man has competition for most painful Christian children's television.
soul_biscuit
June 16, 2009 at 1:38 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
James A. Brown:Is there ANY Christian children's television that isn't cringe-inducing? I haven't seen any that wouldn't give Bible-Man a run for his money. (Which I guess would be blood?)
Voldemort13
June 16, 2009 at 3:21 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
Wow you are right this is truly disturbing. I actually think the talking donuts were almost as disturbing as the rest of it. Who thinks this stuff up?
Jennifer Juniper
June 16, 2009 at 3:26 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
!!!!!!!I'm…That's just…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tyler Olsen
June 16, 2009 at 3:34 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
This is one of the rare occasions in life where I actually wish I could have remained ass blind ignorant about this sort of stuff. Thanks Russell… >_>
Robert Madewell
June 16, 2009 at 4:24 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
The kids are wearing aprons that say, "TOOLS"!Tools for Jesus?This whole video was made by a tool.
Jeff
June 16, 2009 at 4:57 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
For those of us who grew up in evangelical households (well, for me anyway), this isn't actually that unfamiliar. It seems weird and stupid now, but it's about average with regard to what you can buy for your kids in any Christian bookstore. Still, I like being reminded of what my kids will never have to be put through.
TheBrainFromPlanetArous
June 16, 2009 at 5:30 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
Every now and then I am made very, very grateful for my Catholic upbringing in the 70s. Sure, we had goofy "hip Church" folk music and the heart-breaking abandonment of Latin… but it never got as bad as this video.
TheBrainFromPlanetArous
June 16, 2009 at 6:02 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
Of course, there is only one antidote for this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3049TRLo5M
Kazim
June 16, 2009 at 6:10 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
That last video made me happy. Jim Henson could blow snotballs with more talent than those donut guys.
Leonard^Bloom
June 16, 2009 at 6:23 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
For the record, this video comes from Everything is Terrible, a great blog for 90s, 80s, videos and shows edited a bit. The content is always campy, but the editing is done for comedic effect. I <3 Everything is Terrible
TheBrainFromPlanetArous
June 16, 2009 at 6:39 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
Well clearly, Kaz, they haven't yet put down the duckie.
Robert Madewell
June 16, 2009 at 6:57 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
When you said, chanting Second Corinthians 5:17, I thought you meant the actual verse, not the actual words "Second Corinthians Five Seventeen!". How freaking lame!Jeff, I gree! I remember some pretty goofy videos and audio cassetes. I was made to listen or watch them instead of satanistic shows like scooby doo.
cipher
June 16, 2009 at 7:11 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
It's been suggested that TV, with its 2-D images, doesn't allow for the full development of our brains, which evolved to process imagery in a 3-D environment.I've always suspected fundamentalism was neurological, but I assumed it was inherited. If these shows are what Christian kids are being exposed to, what must the ramifications be for their development? Could environment be influencing neurology? Could these shows actually be making them stupid(er)? Perhaps they can't progress beyond the mythic level of development. This would help to explain the deer-in-the-headlight looks when basic scientific principles are explained to them.
Robert Madewell
June 16, 2009 at 7:17 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
OMG! It's on NetFlix!
Robert Madewell
June 16, 2009 at 7:28 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
If you guys are really into self-torture, you can listen to the songs from The Donut Man Here.
Ing
June 16, 2009 at 9:35 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
Am I the only one utterly amazed by the irony that by bringing a lump of inanimate matter to life with a engraving of scared scripture they effectively made a Fried Dough Golem?
Jason
June 17, 2009 at 2:33 am (UTC -6) Link to this comment
Are they fucken serious?The only way i can describe this to others is "weaponised stupidity".
tekhiun
June 17, 2009 at 5:01 am (UTC -6) Link to this comment
yup the video uses the best label on christians ever: tools
Guillaume
June 17, 2009 at 11:52 am (UTC -6) Link to this comment
@soul biscuit-As I was growing up as a Catholic child in Catholic Québec, we had a program called "L'Évangile en papier" (the paper gospel) made by Claude Lafortune, an artist specialised in, well, I guess paper puppets/figurines. Basically, it was Bible stories (mainly New testament) with characters made of paper. The whole format and approach certainly gave it an entertaining value. Later on, Lafortune made other programs where he talked about various cultures and other religions, always in positive terms, so he was also preaching religious tolerance, which we cannot blame him for. He was a pretty creative man, but sadly none of his programs mentioned say French existentialism. Anyway, it was not nearly as bad as that, although I remember cringing watching an episode about Mass. But I was 12 then and not as devout. But we had our share of weird stuff: I remember another religious program with mimes miming parables in a gloomy background, accompanied by a drony voice over, and that was really spooky.@BrainFromArous-I'm with you there and see above.
cipher
June 17, 2009 at 12:06 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
If we cross this with VeggieTales, will we get a calzone?
Robert Grimm
June 17, 2009 at 6:20 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
"Life without Jesus is like a donut cause there's a hole in it!"Awesome. I like donuts!
Ing
June 17, 2009 at 8:21 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
Life without Jesus is like a donut cause there's a hole in it!"Better because you can fill it with the sweet sweet jelly of reason?….also the powdered sugar of justice!?
soul_biscuit
June 18, 2009 at 12:11 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
Guillame, the paper puppets actually sound kind of cool. Interesting that he used them on so many different cultures. That doesn't sound like the fundie way!cipher: "If we cross this with VeggieTales, will we get a calzone?" = WIN
cipher
June 18, 2009 at 12:13 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
Thanks. I was waiting for someone to notice.
JLHarris0419
June 18, 2009 at 10:54 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
Oh, no no no no no no.
Matthew
September 27, 2009 at 1:26 pm (UTC -6) Link to this comment
I haven't even witnessed the horror you're all talking about yet, but these comments are already cracking me up =)- Gliktchyoutube.com/Gliktch