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Apr 12 2009

Reflections on a lazy Sunday

Apparently the Christians had some big holiday today. I thought today would be a good day to gaze upon all the signs and wonders in this big wide world of ours and make an assessment of just how vividly their God is — um — making his presence known. Or not.

  1. Well, somebody must have pissed the Big G off in New Hampshire. While worshipers at the Alton Bay Christian Conference Center were celebrating Zombie Jesus, a fire broke out that eventually barbecued 52 of the center’s buildings. All I could think of here was, “They had 52 buildings? Whatever for?” Maybe God was wondering the same thing, and this little conflagration was by way of being a friendly suggestion they ought to consolidate. Or at least, add fire extinguishers to the budget next time.
  2. Now, here’s the kind of article one has to be careful with, because it can come across as making fun of death and misfortune, which I’d only ever do if the person in question was Ann Coulter or Garth Brooks. In this case, a retired priest in Pennsylvania plowed his car into a group of worshipers following a Good Friday service, killing one, 89-year-old Madeline Romell. My response to this is a combination of “Poor lady” and “What a dumbass!” Yes, I’m sure he’s horrified about the accident and all. But the elephant in the room no one’s discussing? Why, the fact that God did nothing to prevent this unnecessary tragedy, even something small and entirely within the skillset of an all-powerful being, like causing one of the car’s tires to blow out, or the fuel line to be clogged. Christians offer comfort to themselves by claiming God allows these kinds of tragedies as a way of sending us a message or teaching us some obscure lesson. What will they say it was in this case, I wonder? Stupid accident, some poor old woman dead, other people hurt, and all they’d been doing was praising you, God old boy. So, you know. WTF? Oh yes. You’re imaginary.
  3. And last but not least, our latest bout of criminal Christians, including the Sunday School teacher who has been arrested and accused of the murder of that 8-year-old girl in California, and the 42-year-old Focus on the Family employee charged in Colorado Springs with attempting to solicit sex online from what he thought was an adolescent girl, but was actually — what will they think of next!? — a cop posing as an adolescent girl! D’oh! Insert obligatory “Bubba’s bitch” jokes here. Funnily enough, this later arrest came on the day James Dobson was giving his organization his farewell address, bemoaning that the Christian Right had pretty much lost the “culture war” and that we were all “awash in sin.” Thing is, the “sin” he’s thinking of was not in reference to the actions of his own employee, but seems to be limited to Bill Clinton and the internet. Hell, if that’s all it took to beat you guys, you really weren’t trying. Then again, Jim, if, as you claim, “God is in control” still, then you might want to consider what that means for His opinion of you, considering your bleak admission of defeat, eh?

And in other news, Jesus and Generalissimo Francisco Franco are still dead.

14 comments

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  1. 1
    Alex

    Hey, I don't want to seem like an asshole or anything but I noticed you get alot of traffic to your blog, so could you possibly in your next post, post a link to my latest blog post??? The blog post is 9 Reasons Why I Don't Believe In Religion & God. It is kind of a long read, but all of the atheists that read it when I posted it at sites like Below Top Secret seemed to like it, some even said it was "Dawkins like" lol… Many of the theists that read it also admitted that I made some pretty good points… Anyway, if you can't I'll understand.Later.http://artisticexpression.wordpress.com/2009/04/10/9-reasons-why-i-dont-believe-in-religion-god/#comments

  2. 2
    Sparrowhawk

    Thank goodness Franco is still dead. I’ve learned a good amount about that man in my studies and he was a piece of WORK, that one. During his regime people were executing by way of being garroted to death with an iron collar. Thank goodness that one’s tomb isn’t empty….

  3. 3
    ls

    Oops, deleted my comment, which was:yes thank Dog (my permutation of “God”) we’re finally awash in sin and non-xian morals. Dobson is talking about it as if it were, like, a bad thing……

  4. 4
    hellboundsmoker

    Good show yesterday, chaps! It’s a shame that last caller ran out of time. The masochist in me would have loved to hear some more awesome arguments he dug up, after you guys taught him how to use “The Google”!I also dug how many callers from Austin (even though I’m in a completely different hemisphere and it doesn’t affect me, as such) you got… those always make for some awesome ‘crazy theist’ calls.

  5. 5
    Guillaume

    So I am not the only one watching the show partially for the entertaining value.

  6. 6
    DavidCT

    The was an article in the last Newsweek about a preacher like Dobson lamenting the rise in the proportion of non-believers in the population. Since as a group we tend not to misbehave, the believers must be raising their their level of “sinning” to make up for it. How else could we be awash in sin?Anyway why let christians spoil a perfectly good pagan celebration of Spring and rebirth. WAL-Mart is certainly into the true spirit of things with stuffed bunnies and chocolate eggs galore.

  7. 7
    felix

    Where did you pull Franco from so unexpectedly? Was it the news item about the German bishop (yes, I as a German am ashamed we still have nutters too) who blamed atheism for the Nazis and Communism once again? Franco being a devout and clerically supported Catholic and all. See also Tiso, Hitler, Mussolini…Anyway- the burning cottages were apparently under ownership of individual private persons, not the religious organisation who owns the land. An article states they had 400 cottages in 1945, when a similar fire destroyed many of them. Gas tanks + dry wood. I hope the people were ensured, they don’t deserve such a loss.- the driving priest claims the accelerator went off by itself. No, I don’t believe it for one second. Every single time something like that happens, it’s the fault of the senile/drug influenced/incompetent driver. Accelerator pedals don’t just push themselves down. An elderly driver confusing break and accelerator pedals is almost common and regularly results in fatal accidents. Maybe he had just taken medication he shouldn’t have been driving with, maybe it was some after-mass wine, or just a little calcification creeping in. Poor man, but shame on him if he lied. We’ll find out.

  8. 8
    Sparrowhawk

    Maybe God pushed his accelerator pedal down. After all, we cannot comprehend His plan for us, right? Maybe that lady was a drug dealer.

  9. 9
    Reynold

    For the hell of it, “apologist” Mariano is going to “analyze” the arguments that the bible in some cases endorses rape, as put forth by evilbible.com.Most of us have quit his blog though, because we just got sick of him.

  10. 10
    Reynold

    This is an example of how he thinks.

  11. 11
    The New Atheist

    Haha, great post. Thanks!TheNewAtheist.com

  12. 12
    Penn

    I recently sparked a family feud with my father in law when I posted an easter joke on my web page.”Why does Jesus hate Easter? Because the jelly beans keep falling through the holes in his hands.”So touchy about a joke like that on a day which is sacred for what… being the day when a big clucking bunny crapped out a chocolate egg which eventually hatched a jewish zombie who wants us to eat his cracker ass? Go figure…

  13. 13
    Guillaume

    I thought I would give you guys this little anecdote I saw a ghost tonight in a local supermarke, i.e. a muslim woman wearing the Niqab. I am all for freedom of consciousness and everything, but I wonder how much freedom she really has.

  14. 14
    John Stabler

    It doesn’t matter how they try and justify the Niqab. The fact is it is women being punished for men’s behaviour.

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