The flap last week over Kathy Griffin’s hilarious Emmy acceptance speech is the gift that keeps on giving, it would seem. The latest salvo is the website (damn, I wish I’d thought of this!) suckitjesus.com, where Griffin supporters can sign an online petition — not that there’s any point to those, but it’s a show of support all the same — and get a kick out of blathering, pissy Christian e-mails, like this little gem:
You are so filled with hate. You should be arrested for a hate crime. I hope one day you will see your irrational hatred and turn from your hate filled life and accept the love of Jesus Christ.
And what thoughtful, loving Christian citizen offered that delightful homily? None other than Rev. Donald Spitz of the Army of God, that cell of anti-abortion terrorist lunatics who hail executed murderer Paul Hill as an “American hero.” In the deranged world of Spitz, people who make silly jokes about Jesus and put up snarky web sites are “hate filled” people who ought to be jailed, while good Christians who blow away people in their homes with rifles are heroes. Welcome to religion. It’s such a good thing for people, isn’t it?
Leave it to the microcephalics in the fundamentalist community to miss Griffin’s point entirely. I’d think any Christian who was strong in their faith would be more offended at the way pretentious, self-absorbed celebutards think that everything God does is All About Them, and that He places special priority in making sure that little chintzy statuettes are given to them on special occasions to further puff up their already inflated egos. If I were a believer and serious about it, I’d be disgusted at such a trivialization of the role of my God. Then again, adding “Suck it, Jesus!” to the end of that might lose me, after all. But if I were dumb enough to believe in the first place, such a wake-up call would be for my own good, as resentful as I might be about it. Drug addicts and alcoholics resent being told they have a problem. It’s no surprise that those deluded by the fantasies of religion would be similarly offended.
In honor of free speech, and to show just how much respect I have for homicide-enablers like Donald Spitz and their cherished beliefs, I offer this:
SUCK IT, JESUS! AND SWALLOW WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, BIATCH!
And, since the whiner brigade doesn’t think we have the cojones for this one…
SUCK IT, MOHAMMED! AND YOUR LITTLE DOG, TOO!
There. Equal time. Satisfied?