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Sep 12 2007

Football fan shows rival a little Christian love

If there’s anything I think is nearly as asinine as religion, it’s sports fanaticism. What exactly is interesting about watching a bunch of guys throwing a ball around a field and nearly paralyzing each other for life over it escapes me completely. Still, hey, to each his own. But when one’s devotion to this senseless bit of time-wastage leads to violent psychosis, I think it’s time to question these fans’ sanity itself.

Seems a dude wearing a Texas T-shirt walked into an Oklahoma bar. The University of Texas and University of Oklahoma have been bitter football rivals since forever, and apparently this matters to some people. Anyway, this Oklahoma fan didn’t take too kindly to the offending T-shirt, and grabbed the dude by the gonads with such force he nearly castrated him.

Whiskey…Tango…Foxtrot?

Well, clearly, with such antisocial, violent tendencies, as least we can rest assured the attacker wasn’t a Christian, right? I mean, we all know they have the morals thing down and all us wicked nonbelievers don’t. So to perpetrate such an immoral (not to mention plain weird) deed, this man must have been some uncontrollable godless atheist who just didn’t see any reason not to hurt anyone if there’s not a God around to punish him for it. I mean, that’s how they tell us it works, right?

Oh, hang on, wait a sec…

Allan Michael Beckett, a 53-year-old church deacon, federal auditor and former Army combat veteran, has pleaded not guilty.

Gawrsh. Now I’m confused. I’m sure some apologist will come along any second now and clear all this up for me…

Ah, that’s better! The guy was just drunk, and he’s not a True Christian™ anyway.

1 comment

  1. 1
    Phreemunny

    I’m just waiting for “true Xtians” to actually trademark the term “true Xtian” as you have. Probably only a matter of time.Being from Nebraska, where that giant “N” on the “foosball” field stands for Nowledge, these kinds of actions are not all that surprising or uncommon (well, maybe not to this extreme, but sheeple do attack others over team “rivalries”). I actually know a guy who recieved death threats because his friend sent a letter to the editor as a prank, under his name, stating he hated Husker Foosball. No report on whether those making the threats were Xtians.I would imagine the deacon would have gone to church the next day, feeling perfectly justified in his actions, had he not been arrested.

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