In a couple of amusingly juxtaposed incidents that demonstrate how religion is little more than some leftover, atavistic rubbish from our days as hunter-gatherers picking fleas off one another, we have Church of England bishops wagging their fingers and pronouncing a recent rash of heavy rains and flooding to be divine wrath for “Western civilisation’s decision to ignore biblical teaching” (read: gay marriage) while, over here in drought-stricken Alabama, that state’s governor has just made them the biggest laughingstock since Kansas by actually issuing a proclamation prompting citizens to (I am not making this up) pray for rain. Heck, why not work in a rain dance or two while you’re at it? Or is that the wrong invisible man?
Clearly the solution is simple. Britain needs to export a certain quota of its gays over to ‘Bammy. Say, half. That way, both regions will get just enough rain from their angry God that our southern friends will no longer suffer drought, and England will no longer flood. You know, like the Three Bears’ porridge: not too hot, not too cold, just riiiight.