A chocolate penis = “an all-out war on Christianity”!?

Well, blustery Catholic League bigmouth Bill Donohue has made it clear now. It’s not that there’s a statue of Jesus made of chocolate that’s sent him into apoplexy. It’s that you can see the Son of Man’s sainted peter.

“They wouldn’t show a depiction of Martin Luther King Jr. with genitals exposed on Martin Luther King Day, and they wouldn’t show Mohammed depicted this way during Ramadan. It’s always Christians, and the timing is deliberate.”

Can someone please explain to me Christians’ pathological fear of human genitalia? I mean, it’s like, the mere sight of a dick or a pair of boobs, and they run screaming into the hills, where they’re soon to be found shivering under a tree trunk and eating grass and bugs to stay alive.

Historically, if Jesus had been executed by the Romans by crucifixion, then it’s practically certain he’d have been stripped butt naked. It’s not as if the Romans had such tender sensibilities that they’d respect the dignity of someone they’d declared an enemy of the state and sentenced to death by covering him up with a loincloth. Good grief.

Donohue’s right that you wouldn’t create a statue of MLK on MLK Day showing him nude, because there’s no valid historical context for showing him nude. Duh.

Now we have this gallery director looking like he’s going to resign over this preposterous flap. Good grief.

Seriously, Christians. What is it with you and naked bodies? What’s the big deal? Grow up already.


  1. says

    Donohue is such a whiny bitch, I can’t believe anyone would take him seriously.He’s like that kid in elementary school who would watch everyone else like a hawk just so he could run to the teacher and say, “Teacher! Teacher! Billy said ‘butt!’ Billy said ‘butt!'”What a prat…

  2. says

    Why do I have this immensely childish desire to see Jason Mewes run up to a Chocolate statue of Jesus and suck it off? It’s a penis fer’ cryin’ out loud!! I don’t see what everyone is so enraged about. What I want to know is: is Jesus circumcised? As a Jew, he should be… but, did his foreskin come back upon ressurection?

  3. says

    I’m willing to bet that if you could somehow get Mewes into the same room as the chocolate penis Jesus, he’d suck it off without prompting.I wonder how often and closely Kevin Smith reads his e-mail…

  4. says

    What should really be said to Donohue to slap him in the face with it is that no one ANYWHERE would have a conference room with a statue of MLK after he was shot in the head, wounds graphically portrayed, and obviously dead, but almost every room in a Catholic church has a bloody dead Jesus in it. Who’s being offensive now?

  5. Derek says

    Tom Waits foresaw the coming of the Chocolate Jesus. He is the true prophet, God-incarnate as I’ve always suspected from his music. Oh no, the evil secularists are attacking Christianity again! The Catholic League won’t stand for this! Never mind that the artist is a Catholic and that it is meant as a devotional piece. How is Mother Mary on toast something worthy of pilgrimage while the beautiful “Sweet Jesus” prompts boycotts lest it lead to the fall of civilization as we know it?As for the nudity, it has already been pointed (sorry) out that historically Jesus would have been crucified in “all his majesty”. But I’ve also seen people say they are offended that it is chocolate, saying something about it shouldn’t be something you can eat. Don’t… don’t they have a weekly ritual for just that? Was not one of the Jesus’ final instructions to his disciples “Eat me”?The only case they might be able to make is that children shouldn’t have to see that kind of delicious nudity. Well then, they shouldn’t have to see that kind of violence either. But if I’m not mistaken, it was to be hung (sorry) in an ART GALLERY! I’ve seen kids at museums; most can handle nudity in an artistic context. It’d be another story if there were a late-night soft-core pornographic miniseries depicting various Bible stories, which I’m trying to raise (sorry) the funds to produce. Any takers?For Tom,Derek

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