In which I school a poor, dumb, well-meaning believer, and buy her a ticket to the Clue Train »« Why life is special

Ted Haggard cured of teh gay!

Well, color me relieved! I was sure it was only a matter of time before Pastor Ted was going to start stalking playgrounds and shopping mall food courts looking for impressionable young lads (which, as you all know, is what people who have caught teh gay usually do). Or worse, wearing Prada and listening to Streisand. But, thanks to “three weeks of intensive counseling,” Haggard has proudly pronounced his manly manhood fully restored and unblemished by non-heterosexuality! “He is completely heterosexual,” boasts his good friend Paster Tim Ralph, which is especially reassuring, as it takes a pretty astute mind to spot the difference between “completely” heterosexual and, say, only 92.3% heterosexual.

With such effective Christian counseling services out there curing sad, misled sinners of teh gay with such “complete” efficacy, I sleep easily knowing our great country is safe once again!

Comments

  1. jason says

    The sad thing is this jerkoff will always be able to find a congregation. I don’t buy the pursuance of a Masters in Psychology. Now that he’s “restored,” he’ll move to another state and start another church, just like Swaggart, Baker and others. And in 5 years, we’ll be seeing him on cable on Sunday mornings, just like the aforementioned.

  2. beth says

    Have you ever stopped to think that there is really no such thing as an atheist? To be adamant that there is no God, you must know everything that there is to know. You must have 100 percent of all the knowledge of everything in the universe. Let’s assume you have 1 percent (which would be high for the average person) of all knowledge. That means that you do not know 99 percent of all the things there are to know, so you are really agnostic, because you dont know if there is a God because you cannot know everything.Also, I find it hard to believe that you dont believe that everything has a maker. What if I showed you my home – it is made of bricks and mortar, but then I told you that no one made it – it just appeared here by accident. That’s unbelieveable – just like its unbelieveable that the earth and everything and everyone on it just appeared here by accident.

  3. says

    And yet god is claimed to be omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient, etc. It straightforward to claim either that _any_ percentage of knowledge (0.00001% even) should therefore be ‘tainted’ somehow by the existence of god, or that god isn’t quite as omni as you think he is. Further, it’s a common claim that god will specifically reveal himself in some respect to a person in order for that person to come to know god. If true, then the absence of such knowledge can be construed as sufficient evidence to support a hard-atheism: either there actually is no god; or god has predetermined that one will not come to know him and will therefore not intervene in any fashion in one’s life (any such intervention, even indirectly, would provide evidence of god, and demonstrates the assumption that even a partial knowledge of the universe should show signs of god).And if your lack of belief implies I’m wrong, then why exactly doesn’t my lack of belief prove you wrong?-cwillu

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