Thanks Pope Francis

Guys, the Pope has helped me come to an important conclusion.

See now, the problem with the trans rights movement is that we just don’t have snappy enough phrases. We’re trying to bring academic terms into common parlance, and that’s a tough battle when the general public views pesky things like evidence with suspicion. The Pope has it all figured out though. Gender transition is such a boring clinical term. Why not use something more memorable, more colourful? Something that speaks to the masses? Something with that certain je nais se quoi that captures the imagination of the ignorant, inspires the illiterate, and emboldens the craven?

Why not, “the annihilation of man“?

“We are living a moment of annihilation of man as image of God.”

Thanks Pope. That is much catchier than “gender transition.”

-Shiv, Annihilator of Man, Fashionable Communist

#ISISClaims: The socks that go missing from your washing machine

Literally everything awful in the world is claimed by ISIS, even when intelligence groups release reports stating that no communications occurred between the perpetrator(s) and the so-called Islamic State. ISIS has claimed responsibility for a few attacks where the connections were ideological at best, and people have started to notice. Compounded by the ridiculousness of ISIS claiming responsibility for the Eiffel Tower fire–which was caused by malfunctioning fireworks–the French started #DaeshRevendique, or #IsisClaims.

Trending on Twitter:

#DaeshRevendique les chaussettes qui disparaissent de la machine à laver

“ISIS claims responsibility for socks that go missing from the washing machine”

notre défaite à l’Euro

“ISIS claims our defeat in the Euro”

Perhaps my favourite:

Let’s not forget our critical thinking skills please.

-Shiv

Jason Kenney receives endorsement from another garbage fire

Jason “I don’t get caught up in the details” Kenney receives another endorsement from a gold star asshat conservative pundit, Sheila Gunn Reid. But this endorsement is a bit… erm, shall we say roundabout?

If you don’t support Jason Kenney’s bid to lead Alberta’s Progressive Conservatives, some of Kenney’s allies might launch gender-based attacks on you.

Just ask former Alberta PC MLA David Quest who expressed concerns about Kenney’s leadership bid on Ezra Levant’s right-wing Rebel Media website last week.

Shortly after, fellow Rebel personality Sheila Gunn Reid took to her YouTube soapbox to tar-and-feather Quest, denouncing him as a Liberal and even taunting the former MLA for losing to a “gender-queer Colombian immigrant” during the last election.

…Sure. Roundabout. 

Basically, David Quest criticized Kenney’s bid for the “Progressive” Conservative leadership, citing Kenney’s history of being the political equivalent of cucumbers pickled in gasoline. So one of Kenney’s biggest fans, suspected garbage fire Sheila Gunn Reid, decided the best way to discredit Quest was by pointing out he lost his election to a, quote, “genderqueer Colombian immigrant.”

[Read more…]

Dudebro Atheists Ask Clueless Questions; Receive Clueless Answers

My teachers insisted during my education that there was no such thing as a “stupid question.” YouTube atheist dudebros have proven me wrong, 27 times.

I can only conclude that the acid-fueled unintelligible nonsense produced by a collaboration of YouTube’s–as PZ so aptly puts it–“atheist assweasels” was the result of 27 questions rammed through Google Translate from English to Douchebro, back into English, again into Douchebro and back again into English. I suppose they expect their critics to respond with reasonable answers. I took mine and performed the same Google Translate procedure, just to ameliorate any concerns of unfairness, bias, or prejudice, and also to assist in helping them understand.

1. Why do you claim to speak for LGBT people, women, and ethnic minorities but when lgbt people, women, and ethnic minorities disagree with you, you harass them?

Make sure your straw SJWs are stored properly or else they can be a fire hazard.

2. Do you realize that your war on language through political correctness has made you bedfellows with true rape culture?
In other words, Islam, the world’s most misogynistic ideology?

I like to think of misogyny as a toolbox. Islam’s the buzzsaw, Christianity’s the hammer, and atheist dudebros are the drill (loud and whiny)

3. Do you want women to be equal or do you want women to be a protected class?
You can’t have both.
If you expect society to be treat women as equal with men, why don’t women have to take responsibility for their own safety?

I’ll take False Dichotomies for 500 please.

4. What are you afraid will happen when you leave your “safe space”?

Your video.

[Read more…]

Have some cats

It’s self-care weekend, so I’m trying to avoid the news for a bit to nurse my poor tortured brain.

Have some cats.

 

 

 

And an original of my roommate’s cat, who decided I needed an assistant while practicing rope bondage:

bondage assistant

Bonus video:

-Shiv

Breaking news: An incredible atheist falls in forest; blames trees for being in way

PJ Dirk, who blags under the pseudonym An Incredible Atheist, shares a devastating story about how this one time, he tripped in the woods, so all forests should be burned to the ground. Check out our EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW through AtG News:

“I’m not racist arbourist,” he says the moment I hit record. “Arbourism is wrong, but if trees think they can call me arbourist, then they’re fucking weeds! I’M NOT ARBOURIST!”

[Weeds, of course, being a slur against blacks plants]

“Forests are just part of a victim culture. They’re tripping over themselves to pin clear cutting on humans,” he says, perhaps unaware of the irony in his choice of words.

“But what about the evidence that humans are clear cutting forests?” I ask him.

“You know, I was mistaken when I said black forest culture was almost a victim cult. I should have said outright that it was a victim cult.”

“We have a tree that claims you kicked its roots,” I say, playing a recorded clip from the previous interview.

“Well it’s wrong. The tree tripped me. Obviously I’m not arbourist.”

“How do you justify telling a tree what constitutes arbourism?” I ask.

“Easy. I got the first question on the test right, which means I’m obviously right about the rest of the test. I failed in school, but that’s only because my teachers didn’t recognize my genius. Trees just have to stop blaming people when they get cut down.”

You can watch the rest of the interview here:

Baby Crying

This EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW brought to you by AtG News.

I’m your anchor, Shiv, and remember folks: Always look both ways before crossing the road, brush your teeth after eating sweets, and there’s absolutely no way at all in any conceivable reality that An Amazing Incredible Atheist is arbourist nope nosiree nothing to see here.

3 ways to celebrate Canada Day properly

Canadians take their national birthday very seriously, and being clocked as a foreigner can be dangerous. If you happen to be an expat living in Canada, follow these simple steps to ensure you celebrate your Canada Day properly in order to avoid the mild-mannered scorn of Canucks.

  1. Order poutine:  Ensure your poutine has been made with cheese curds. If it’s made with shredded cheese, send it back. Ensure your poutine’s gravy is hot enough to melt the cheese curds, if it’s not, send it back. Ensure your poutine is made with proper thick chip fries and not slim snaky fast food tries, if it isn’t, send it back. Make it clear you’re disappointed with the establishment, but remember to say “please” and “thank you.” Bonus points if you can get the waiter to make a “sorry mom” face. Acceptable variants from standard poutine include vegetarian gravy or a combination with a cultural dish (i.e. butter chicken poutine)–we are multicultural after all.
  2. Wear plaid: You don’t want to be mistaken for an American.
  3. Drink beer: Literally anything but American beer.

Common punishments for violating these screeds include: 1) Disappointed head-shaking; 2) Well-intended lectures; 3) Strongly worded letters; and 4) Issuing apologies to other Canadians on your behalf in order to shame you.

Additional regional customs might modify expectations for Canada Day:

  • Speak French. Anglophones are not well received in certain parts of the country.
  • Speak English. Francophones are not well received in certain parts of the country.
  • Mock America.
  • Praise the Queen.
  • Scorn the Queen.
  • Mistake Aussies for Brits and vice versa.
  • Mistake Parisians for Quebecois and vice versa.

All in all, issue apologies often and preemptively, and you’ll likely be accepted as a Canuck.

-Shiv

Source: Scandinavia and the World

Breaking news: Wildrose concurs with decent idea; Shiv is shocked

In a “pinch yourself to make sure you’re awake” moment, the Dickweed Wildrose Party has conceptually agreed with the NDP to place a limitation on how much any given company can donate to political parties, even if they disagree on the exact limit:

Each party had made submissions to the legislature’s special committee on ethics and accountability, which is reviewing provincial election laws along with whistleblower and conflict of interest legislation.

Alberta currently has a $15,000 annual limit on donations to parties and a $1,000 cap on donations to a single constituency association, with a limit of $5,000 total to constituency associations, with those amounts doubling in an election year.

The amounts are among the highest in Canada and far exceed the federal donation limit, which is currently $1,525 to a party and $1,525 in total to constituency associations.

In the NDP’s proposal, the party calls for a $4,000 cap on total annual donations to Alberta political entities, while the Wildrose party wants a $5,000 limit on contributions to parties.

Jessica Littlewood, the NDP MLA who chairs the ethics and accountability committee, said she wouldn’t speculate about the impact of the parties’ submissions on the committee.

But while no decisions have yet been made about amounts, there is a consensus among committee members that lowering the donation limit is a priority, she said.

With America’s big money giving us a splendid example of why it’s important to keep a leash on corporate lobbyists, I am thrilled to see my provincial government agree on a problem. I don’t think I care about the difference between a $4,000 cap and a $5,000 one, but the fact that the Wildrose Party isn’t immediately flailing in their seats is… remarkably restrained, by their standards.

So credit where credit’s due, I guess: Good job Wildrose Party, for not whining about the NDP’s good idea, even if the finer points of the policy have to be settled.

This was, for the record, another of Notley’s campaign promises. She seems to be doing pretty well so far. Only issue I’ve got my eye on is how she handles negotiations with First Nations affected by her pipeline proposal(s).

-Shiv