The Conversation I Never Thought I Would Have at Rock Beyond Belief
A friend reveals his thoughts on God.
Yesterday I had an absolute blast at Rock Beyond Belief, I got to hang out with my fellow bloggers Ed and Justin, rocked out to Aiden, and got one of my unit t-shirts signed by many of the performers and speakers at event. It was a beautiful day and a welcome change of scenery from the normal deserts that define my life.
The after-party was also a fun and positive experience; at least it started out that way.
So, no shit, there I was. It was 2 am and the party was still going strong. The weakest of the pack had been culled; an inebriated Ed Brayton was transported to his room via one of those wheeled baggage cart things. I really didn’t know a man could projectile vomit such a large amount of fluid and I think he might still be hung over well into May. But the largest shock of the party was still to come.
I stumbled around the lobby to find my “fellow” blogger and American Hero, Justin Griffith, tapping furiously away on his laptop. “Uhhg, whhhatsitsyooourdoooing buddddy,” I slurred drunkenly [Translation : What’s going on, my esteemed brother in arms]. I peered over his shoulder to glance at the screen. Several browser windows were up. I recognized some of it. Reddit was there on the screen and oddly so was the Army Spiritual Fitness Test. That struck me as weird; I thought we were done with that issue for now. At least until the results of a scientific study confirmed our feelings that a secular mindset would cause that person to fail the blasted bubble form.
“Dude.” Justin said, completely sober and causing me to immediately think, oh shit, the dark side is strong here. He continued, “I finally get it. After all these years, I finally get it.”
Apparently, Justin had felt an urgent need to retake the Fitness Test early Saturday and the results were disastrous. “I was taking the test for, I don’t know, the thirteenth or fourteenth time and it finally clicked. I started off thinking, let’s see if I can pass this thing for once, and I did.”
“Broski, you’re not making any goddamned sense.” I said.
“DON’T TAKE THE LORD’S NAME IN VAIN,” Justin screamed, neck veins bulging and it finally clicked for me.
The foxhole has just lost an atheist. Shit.
In between the meticulous and repetitive chapter and verse quotes, arguments against “Evilution”, and the demeaning of FtB in general that followed over the next few hours, I stated to see what had happened.
According to Justin, midway through the blood curdling and catatonic boredom inducing survey, Justin had seen Jesus. He had found the lord. I couldn’t believe it, and I stayed up with Justin till 6 am. All the while, I was hoping in vain that his newfound faith was an elaborate joke. It wasn’t.
So, RBB ended on a bit of a down note for me. I still consider him a friend and wish him both personal and professional success but, Justin just called me to announce that he will be leaving Freethought Blogs. RBB is complete and he is now using the food drive for the homeless veterans that we conducted as his first act as an Evangelical Christian (give or take a few hours). Still Justin is a talented writer and those who enjoy reading his blog will be able to follow him over at Breitbart.com. I’ll post a link to his blog once he gets it established.
Justin, It’s sad to see you leave the fold but, you have to follow your heart. Even if it leads you in what I think is the wrong direction. See you downrange, bro.
You can view Justin’s farewell post here, the network will miss him.
13 comments
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Aliasalpha
April 1, 2012 at 09:43 (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Everyone else’s april fools post is light hearted & silly, yours is downright scary!
josh stein
April 1, 2012 at 09:51 (UTC -4) Link to this comment
seriously, these are some creative April Fools!!
Riptide
April 1, 2012 at 13:49 (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“So, no shit, there I was…”
I sense me some Varric in this here story…
AActual
April 1, 2012 at 18:37 (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Great, now I have to play DA 2 again. Varric is amazing.
Aliasalpha
April 2, 2012 at 01:43 (UTC -4) Link to this comment
And I re-read the paragraph and it was varric’s voice in my head. Hope he turns up in DA3
StevoR
April 2, 2012 at 05:01 (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hmmm … I sense a pattern developing here somehow. Link to link to link with everybody departing in a huff. Yeah, I’m onta y’all.
Pity its the second of April already – but OTOH I have a year to plot my commentator’s revege, bwah-ha-ha!
Justin Griffith
April 2, 2012 at 12:59 (UTC -4) Link to this comment
LOL’d
Krio Gnosz
April 2, 2012 at 15:23 (UTC -4) Link to this comment
So this was the first time in a while that I actually bought into an April Fool’s. In my defense, it was on April 2nd, so I no longer had my guard up.
timberwoof
April 2, 2012 at 16:37 (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It’s April 2, so I can enter Spock Mode.
Probably the real answer to how to pass the Spiritual Fitness Test is similar to how you pass the $cientology “intelligence” test. or the $cieno test you answer each question the way L. Ron Hubbard would. For the Spiritual Fitness Test, you think, WWJD?, or, probably more accurately, what would some Army Jesus Flack want you to do?
Okay. Now I can exit Spock mode.
Gotta run; I have to study up for my urine test.
Assassin Actual
April 2, 2012 at 17:42 (UTC -4) Link to this comment
The answer is cranberries
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