All time low for Lowe’s

Home improvement store pulls ads from Muslim reality show.

The Florida Family Association knew something was fishy about the show “All-American Muslim.” The family portrayed on the reality show was clearly living a lie, unlike the real Americans portrayed on the “Real Housewives of whatever-ville” or the standup personalities featured on “The Jersey Shore.” This Muslim family was a plant, pure and simple. An insidious plot to destroy America as we know it via a clever Leave it to Beaver approach.

The Florida Family Association was shocked by this trojan-horse portrayal of a normal American family but, thankfully the FFA soon recuperated and went on the offensive in the name of glorious freedom. They encouraged other sound minded persons across the nation to help defend America from imminent defeat at the hands of the enemy.

They soon celebrated victory when several advertisers for that unholy show pulled their orders or did not re-order the precious advertising time with the network in question. Lowe’s, the home improvement retail chain, was the first to join forces with the righteous FFA and soon there was much rejoicing.

Because the evil TV show was severely wounded and justice was done, people across the nation were finally able to sleep in peace once more.

Now you might ask what was so terrible about “All-American Muslim”.

 Did the parents dress up as the twin towers for Halloween and the kids as airplanes? No.

Did they spend their ample family time working out the best ratios of explosives to accelerants for the “school science project”? No.

They were guilty of something far, far worse. They had the nerve to portray themselves as a normal America family. Now they have some kinks (the whole religious thing for one) but, the family is normal enough.

Clearly the show and the family were just trying to get Americans to lower their guard by having Muslims appear as fellow human beings. Rather than the turban wearing, suicidal, four armed mindless attackers from Mars that we all KNOW they are.

So kudos to FFA and Lowe’s for seeing this one a mile away, you are all true Americans.

Because the only other explanation for trying so hard to screw with just another shitty reality TV show is that you are bigots, but that would be crazy.


  1. geocatherder says

    I read about this earlier in the day… but I didn’t really get cranky about it until I passed a woman wearing hijab in my grocery store this afternoon. I pass women wearing hijab in my grocery store often, frequently with children in tow, occasionally, in the evening, with an adult male. (Overheard snitches of conversation, if they’re in English, involve the woman saying stuff like “no, we want the pasta in the OTHER red box” — but I digress).

    I am a “retread” graduate student (i.e. old) and am fascinated by the combinations of hijab and tight clothes I see on campus. I am encouraged by the number of Islamic female students who couldn’t do undergraduate degrees in their home countries.

    The chances that these are terrorists are nil.

    They’re my neighbors; they shop at my neighborhood store. When I was a software engineer these adults would have been my co-workers. They were far more worried about meeting the #$%&* (I’m sure there’s an Arabic translation) management-imposed deadline than about destroying the U.S. (Though I suspect all of us, regardless of religion or lack of it, fantasized about beating sense into management.)

    I think Islam is a stupid religion, even worse than Christianity. I worry about children educated in Islamic academies in my community; are they getting the science they deserve? But I worry about children in my local public schools for the same reason.

    But terrorists? Not a damn snowball’s chance in hell.

    Karen, from the San Francisco Bay Area

    • papango says

      There was a big photo in my local paper today of a group of female Malaysian students graduating from their education degrees having studied here in New Zealand. I roomed with a Malaysian muslim when I was at university and it made me smile to see all these grinning young women in their graduate gowns. They were sponsored to study here and are returning to Malaysia as teachers, which makes me hopeful for their students.

  2. says

    Home Depot is already crazy right-wing, which is usually why I avoid them and go to Lowe’s. Is Menard’s also insane? Are there any home improvement stores left that aren’t run by bigots?

  3. stuartvo says

    I live in South Africa, a country crawling with Muslims*. I’ve had Muslim colleagues, I’ve had a Muslim boss. And I have exactly the attitude that the FFA† is terrified that Americans might develop: “Eh? What’s the fuss? Is there a fuss?”

    So it’s vital to limit people’s exposure to actual Muslims, lest any other WASP males get the idea that non-Xian, non-pale-skinned, non-male creatures are actually people, God‡ forfend!

    *) Indians, not Arabs. But we all know that all Muslims are the same, anyway.

    †) Fucking Florida Asswipes

    ‡) The Christian imaginary friend, not any of the other imaginary friends

    P.S. The biggest problem I’ve ever had with Muslims is when I was working for a company where most of the tech-support was Indian. Just try getting your network connection fixed on Friday afternoon! They’re all off to prayers. Oh well, an excuse to knock of early on a Friday, so not really a problem after all…

  4. Francisco Bacopa says

    I am a “retread” graduate student (i.e. old) and am fascinated by the combinations of hijab and tight clothes I see on campus.

    I know exactly what you’re talking about. They are sharp dressers in their custom tailored wool blend pants and silk blouses. Not much skin, but they are surely showing off as much as or more than anyone else.

  5. anthonyallen says

    I love the subtlety 😉

    @Francisco #6:
    Ditto. I work in a university library in a very ethnically diverse city. The differences in the culture of the students that come through there never ceases to amaze me.

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