The War on CHRISTmas: The Battle of Chicago

Fox reporter issues apology for claiming Santa is not real.

As the bullshit “War on Christmas” continues, the religious right has let it be known that they are not fucking around. Not only will they continue to fight against any heathen bastard who dares to mock the creator of the universe during this season of peace, but they will devour their own for the slightest infraction against the collective.

Last night at 9 PM, Robin Robinson of Chicago’s FOX affiliate summed up what I understand about the reality of the holidays.

“Santa is a symbol of the generosity of the season. You go sit on his lap and we’ll take a picture. But he’s not coming down the chimney, he’s not eating those cookies, he’s not bringing you anything!”

And you know what, that understanding, that Santa is just a metaphor for the spirit of kindness and giving is what I love about our American winter solstice consumerism jamboree.

I think my parents had me duped into believing that old Saint Nick was real until I was around 6 when I discovered the hiding place for the presents, conducted an inventory, and compared my numbers to what was below the tree on Christmas day. But the revelation that Christmas is more than the rampage of a fat serial home invader or the “birthday” of some deity that was juxtaposed to the 25th in order to appease a large number of barbarian pagans that some Romans were trying to convert was, and still is, a wondrous thing.

The holidays are a reminder that we, as a people, are capable of not being constantly shitty towards one another, and that is beautiful.

But that explanation is not good enough for FOX.

Inundated by the angry calls of jackasses who believe that the propagation of a huge lie is more important than a deeper understanding of what it means to be a member of modern society, Robin had to issue an on-air apology.

Take that reason! Sigh, the war over the holidays which brings out everything that the holidays remind us NOT to do rages on and the stupid, the stupid, it burns.

(Source: The Blaze)


  1. N. Nescio says

    Oh shit, they went and fucked with Robin Robinson. Not cool.
    Been watching her read the news since I was young and impressionable enough to believe in Santa, Jesus, the Easter Bunny, *and* the Tooth Fairy.

  2. savoy47 says

    Santa, Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny teach kids an important life lesson. Just at the time when they are out on their own and learning to be a member of a larger group. When the truth comes out you learn the fact that people, including those you trust the most, will group together and conspire to deceive you. You have three real life examples of how they did it to you for your entire life. The point made is, don’t blindly trust the group. You’ll also notice that each lie was easy to believe because you really wanted the candy, money and gifts that rewarded you for your belief. Beware of myths bearing gifts!

    Contrast this with Halloween. Here the kids are now the deceivers. They pretend to be somebody else and then just right out ask for/ take the candy.

    If you’re lucky and learned the above lesson you may be able to ward off the religion virus. But that’s much harder because there is no proof or disproof for a god. It’s easy to believe if you really want that heaven candy. And they are terrified of those devils and goblins that want to trick them out of their candy.

    • papango says

      My mother told me the Easter Bunny lived on Easter Island, and the giant moai (statues) there were really foiled covered chocolate. I was distraught when I found out it wasn’t true. I couldn’t stop crying and my boss sent me home for the day.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *