Airlines: Does anyone understand?

Actually, it’s kind of sad. They had the flight attendants selling Visa cards up and down the aisles before take off.

There should be some sort of public health announcement that you shouldn’t wear ass loads of perfume and/or cat hair when you fly. Actually, those should just be rules for life. I’d like to buy hypoallergenic seats in the plane.

And another thing. When I was booking tickets, it was going to cost me like 150 more to be on the flight at 7:40AM out of Charlotte instead of the 9:45 one. But when I get to the airport and say “Can I switch?” They’re like “Yeah, there’s 50$ baggage switchy fee. You down?” And I’m like “Yes. And also wtf.”

Maybe my H1N1 live vaccine will infect everybody.

ALERT

Hello Internet Friends,

The episode of FLIPPING OUT that I segment produced is going to be airing TONIGHT at 10pm on Bravo. You should watch it because my name is on it.

Thank you for your time.

Lost Weekend

I had a weekend that was no good for writing. I’ve set myself a deadline of end of Thanksgiving holiday for a rewrite of Bible Con and a Polished first draft of Dyke for a Day. I had time to work on it this weekend because all of my editing projects are floating in nebulous waiting for other people to do things. But I didn’t work because my shoulder is messed up. This didn’t make it impossible to write, but it was really uncomfortable to sit in front of my computer or look down. It’s still killing me. Maybe I should start dictating.

Instead, I just watched a lot of Christopher Hitchens. I try to imagine the God/No God debate from the other point of view and find I just cannot. Cannot imagine it. I suppose I am like Hitchens, I never lost my faith, I just realized I didn’t have it. I was eight, I found all my teeth that I’d lost in my mom’s room (why she kept them, I don’t know). And there it was, proof that there was no tooth fairy. And that meant no Easter Bunny, no Santa Claus, and no Jesus.

I am going back to Columbia, SC this weekend. Doing the red-eye Wednesday night/Thursday morning. I’m seriously considering trying to raise money and film my feature in SC. I think it could be done for a modest budget, and I think the idea of a Native Daughter shooting in SC is something that could raise some money. I have a lot of connections there, including with the university. I hold secret hopes that somehow I could tie it into the university and get a lot of young people involved with the production. There aren’t a lot of opportunities in film in South Carolina.

Maybe I’ll get some writing done on the plane. We’re going to not put odds on this.

I started watching Jeeves and Wooster. I highly recommend it.

Recurring Dreams

I put absolutely no stock in interpreting dreams to mean something.  Except I can’t help but try to interpret them anyway.  It’s like Christopher Hitchen’s — he doesn’t believe in horoscopes but he can’t help but feel a jolt of excitement when he reads one that says he’ll meet a girl.

I have a recurring dream that I am trying to find a parking spot in a heavily wooded area beside a dock.  I’m picking someone up, maybe from school.  Normally I’m driving a black volvo and can’t find a legal space.  Or simply can’t park in the spaces I find due to some apparent lack of driving skill in the dream.  Not that I’m the best parallel parker anyway, but I hold my own in the waking world.

Last night I was driving an 18 wheeler that I was trying to park and I kept thinking I had parked it and then I was essentially blocking the road and had to decide whether to just leave it and risk a ticket or not.

Dreaming about parking.  Only in LA right?

To see a truck in your dream, suggests that you are overworked. You are taking on too many tasks and are weighed down by all the responsibilities. To dream that you cannot find a parking space, indicates your inability to find your place in life. You may still be on your quest to find your talent or niche where you belong. Alternatively, it may reflect your busy life and the lack of time you have.http://www.dreammoods.com/

Photoshop Liquify Tool: Makes everything better

Seriously.  I could stare at this for hours.  I mean, I have to actually use the knowledge to fix my painting, but you know, it’s kind of cool that I can just fix it on the computer instead.  And make an awesome annoying animated gif, 1998 style.

Photo0260small

Segment Producer: Ups and Downs

I got a segment producer credit instead of story assistant because of the sheer amount of work I’ve done on the show I’ve been working on.  This is super exciting, it’s a great credit.  Of course, I’m still making less than a living wage.  But there’s some hope that that will change by the end of January.  Which I need, because I can’t afford to live in Los Angeles on what I make, and I’ve been with this company a year now.

And, in more meh news, I’m probably going to have to go back to logging.  And because they’ve eliminated the day shift, that means a 7pm-3:30am shift.  I’m hoping against hope that something will save me from that schedule.  I worked it for a couple months last year and it was so depressing and awful.  It would be better this go around because it wouldn’t seem to go on into infinity, but worse because I’ve proven I can do more.

Nicholl: First Phone Call, 17th Contact

I was sitting here in a pleasant reverie, remembering my trip two springs ago to visit New York and the Daily Show, just before I graduated film school.  I was trying to figure out where I should live and work and my family friend Gail Lieb has a talented son who works at the Daily Show and as a writer.  Anyway, I’ve always loved New York, and going that spring was really beautiful, and it was really difficult to commit to moving to LA after such a lovely spring week in NYC.

Anyway, I’d just sent Josh an e-mail telling him how much I’d loved his book, especially the formatting.  (What?  I like the formatting.  Shut up.)  And I got a phone call from one of those previously mentioned big guys.  Actually, it was a different person at the same big guy agency.  But he called me, so that was exciting.  And he expressed interest in the Mockumentary genre and was very pleasant on the phone.  He’s based in New York, and for some reason, that struck me as really awesome, since that’s where I was in my mind.

17: it is one of my lucky numbers, because it’s prime and 3*17 is 51, and I always thought that was cool because 51 looks prime, but it isn’t.  (Why are you always harshing my nerd high?)

Me, Gail, and Spring in New York

Me, Gail, and Spring in New York

Best Book of the Century: I am a GENIUS of UNSPEAKABLE EVIL and I want to be your CLASS PRESIDENT

I am a GENIUS of UNSPEAKABLE EVIL and I want to be your CLASS PRESIDENT is the best book of the century for at least three reasons.  1. Josh Lieb is funny 2. Middle School is Hell 3. Jon Stewart approves.  Josh will also be writing the screenplay, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

Here’s my favorite excerpt from the first chapter:

In case you’re lucky enough to have escaped it, Fahrenheit 451 is one of those books that is about how amazing books are and how wonderful the people who write books are.  Writers love writing books like this, and for some reason, we let them get away with it.  It’s like someone producing a TV show called TV Show are the Best and the People Who Make Them Are Geniuses.*

*Probably the name of Aaron Sorkin’s next project. Ha.

Here’s a link to a very long interview with Mr. Lieb: http://bigthink.com/joshlieb

(Full disclosure: Gail Lieb, Josh’s mom, is my favorite person in the universe)

Nicholl: What I’ve learned so far; 15 and 16

What I’ve learned: You don’t break into the industry with a Mockumentary.

People really enjoy reading them, but no one wants to make them or believes you can write based on them.  Which is weird because there’s a screenplay sitting there that they really enjoyed, but despite the success of The Office and Best in Show, and reality style in general, Mockumentaries are apparently too difficult to set up in Hollywood.

I wrote the screenplay because I liked the story and I love mockumentaries, I really never thought it’d be getting attention from Hollywood.  From small indie producers, maybe.  Maybe I hoped Christopher Guest would somehow find it on his reading list.  But I didn’t figure Hollywood would be interested.  And I was wrong in that they seem to have liked reading it enough to stay in touch with me, but not enough to take it on board.

15: Congratulations on your recent 2009 Nicholl Fellowship success! We read about you and would love to read your script BIBLE CON.

At *** Entertainment we manage about 50 writers in television and film, and produce feature films as well.

I’ve attached our **** Entertainment release form, and need it filled out for each piece of material being submitted. Despite its stringent language, I can assure you this is an industry-standard release form. Please fill out the form and either scan and email with the script, or fax the release to *** and then e-mail the script, or you can throw it all in the mail as well – our address is in my signature below.

16: I actually got this a long time ago and missed it

Congrats on your script being a semi-finalist in the Nicholl competition!
Sounds interesting–may I read it?  My company manages screenwriters and playwrights and we are always reading new screenplays to find potential clients we can introduce to the Hollywood studio system.
Can you email me a copy?

Nicholl: 14 and counting

14th: From a management/production company

Congratulations on being chosen as a semifinalist for the Nicholl Screenwriting Fellowship.  This is a very prestigious honor and quite an accomplishment.

I am a literary manager at ***, a full service management/production company with deep expertise in talent and literary representation.  We represent some of the most prominent actors, writers and directors across all platforms (film, television, new media).  Our production arm has partnered with *** in Michigan to produce independent films and has projects set up at studios such as *** and several TV networks.

Should you be seeking representation, I would love to read your screenplay, BIBLE CON.