Erotic Manipulation Prong

Part two in today’s WND-a-thon is a comedy entrant from Joseph Farah. It’s comedy because his entire fear is based on a movie. A movie that me and Ed Brayton have discussed in length. Narrowly missing out the top spot of the worst action movie we know of.

Oh it is a remake, the original tapped into the fears and indeed the fantasy of fighting a war much like the Mujahadeen. Only blonder and more sexier.

That’s right. Joseph Farrah’s latest argument is based on a remake of an already cheesy movie. [Read more…]

The Price of a Big Heart

I got approached by two patients today, they lay on the floor of the hospital. This is not a new thing. People sit on the floor all the time. There isn’t enough seats sometimes and the Indian habit of the lotus position lends itself to sitting on the floor. The young woman pulls herself up and starts crying.

“Doctor! I have no food, I came here to take my mother to the hospital. Just look at her foot! (I look, it’s a diabetic ulcer and it needs to come off). We don’t have enough money for even a cup of coffee (South Indians are bigger fans of coffee).”

The ulcer is nearly 20 cm in length. It’s clear that her foot will need amputation some time soon.

She couldn’t get care for her foot and needed diabetic shoes to help her walk. All of this costed money.

This woman wept and it hurt to see someone like that.

So I gave her my month’s luxury budget so she could buy the things she needed and left feeling my heart grow a size and feeling like I had done something to help. I had also gotten her free treatment for the foot.

Less than 5 steps later I get told by one of the ward attenders that she is a con woman, who tricks the charity doctors into helping her. She is a psychiatry patient from a fairly well off family who pretends to be poor to get money out of people. I didn’t believe him.

Until I saw her pull off the same stunt in a ward.

Sigh. Such is the price of having a heart…

If we let gays marry, then what about the Jedi?

See! They told you so! First we let Adam and Eve become Adam and Steve now we have to agree to marry Qui Gon Jin to Mace Windu.

Why? Because Scotland is planning an amendment to the current Civil Partnership and Marriage laws which will allow any group purporting a belief to conduct weddings.

The government claims it’s to allow humanists to perform marriages, however the Free Church of Scotland says it will allow anyone with a belief to officiate at weddings.

More than a 100,000 such “knights” exist in the UK according to the last Census.

“There are loads of people in a diverse society like this for whom belief can mean virtually anything – the Flat Earth Society and Jedi Knights Society – who knows?” says church spokesman the Rev Iver Martin.

“I am not saying that we don’t give place to that kind of personal belief, but when you start making allowances for marriages to be performed within those categories then you are all over the place.”

I think someone should tell Rev. Martin that the Jedi Knights are a joke religion. The Jedi don’t believe that they can deflect bullets with lightsabers. And if anything there would be a schism between Republic and post Republic Jedi philosophies since one allows marriage and the other does not. In fact it’s kind of a major schism.

And all because we want to let gays marry each other. Such a slippery slope.

Why it’s like the sliding increases in the powers of Palpatine and indeed Jacen Solo when they both usurped power… Where will it stop!

In Defence of Twilight

[important]I dedicate this post to one of my oldest fans for her birthday. Without her constant spell checks and grammar my posts would be filled with a lot of spelling errors. Happy Birthday to the Meowcenary![/important]

I am personally not a fan of Twilight. I have read the first book (you cannot condemn something based on hearsay after all) and from what I figured it was a terrible story with a vapid protagonist and an even more vapid vampire derived from an Anne Rice character but with a lot more cardboardiness. In short? It was bad mormon tinged Vampire the Masquerade fanfic.

But ladies and young girls loved it. Possibly because it was sloppily romantic or a fantasy or they found some level of sexual and personal gratification from such characters. I suppose having a heroine with such a bland personality allows you to supplant her easily and become the object of the fantasy but I am not a psychologist and honestly don’t give a flying fuck about why anyone would like the book. If you like it then you like it. Maybe, just maybe… Women like highly anaemic men in silly outfits and funny accents.

The amount he spends on bleach alone...

I liked vampires before they were cool and sparkly

However some people just don’t get it. Mark Driscoll is just one such person.

[Read more…]

The Gomers have Mneumonia

I figure something a little light for today… A little humour if you will considering Taslima is about and can also come have some fun here with medicine. Since the rest of my posts (for when they go up) are a torrent of invective, swearing and bile aimed at the idiots of the world.

Medicine has it’s own unofficial language. It’s a language of complete disrespect (for good reasons) that masks the pain and suffering you face as a doctor. It is alleged that the career with the highest incidence of PTSD is not the armed forces, but medicine.  I can see why it’s that way atleast during times of peace. And one of the coping mechanisms used to be the medical jokes. The jokes you tell at your patient’s expense that are hidden away. Medical Slang is a dying or dead art. It used to be a coping mechanism because frankly? After you have seen your 40th patient of the day you just need a laugh. And sometimes patients come in with conditions that simply are beyond the pale.

For instance, what would you say to a young man who comes in for vomitting (Emesis for the medics)? You can be nice to him. What if you give him a potent drug that stops vomitting (often used to treat cancer patients) and he still throws up? You eventually realise he is triggering the mechanical reflex of vomitting by sticking his fingers down his throat. You cannot laugh at him, you cannot call him stupid. So you call your other doctor friends and have a laugh. Otherwise you will go CRAZY. The number of tales like this of the top of my head? The Darwin Award, The Harpoon Man, The Homeopathic Emo, The Broken Arm, The Best Form of Contraception… Plenty of cases where you need to laugh. On the one hand these euphemisms and acronyms are hurtful if you read them on the other hand you are removing a coping mechanism for a high stress job, a job so stressful and often thankless that you will probably die younger than your patients (I have no illusions. My mother will eventually lose a leg or two to her job. My dad too. Both are doctors. I know what awaits me with age. My life expectancy is a full 5 years shorter than my patients.).

The history of this is old. Latin used to be the language of medicine and had it’s use in this. You could write things on patient’s charts which wouldn’t alarm them. Even if a patient was dying you could mark the chart but tell the patient that things will be fine so as to keep them happy till the end and stop them panicking. It stopped nosey relatives from dividing up estate by poking though charts or abandoning those who were destined for death. The medical acronym came about to dodge the change from Latin to English.

Some of them are harmless. TTR in the UK stands for Tea Time Review, or “check on Mr. Smith after he has had his tea”. Some of them are funny but hurtful CNS-QNS is Central Nervous System – Quantity Not Sufficient. Pumpkin Positive is another amusing term that indicates that if you shine a pen torch into their mouth their eyes and ears would light up like a pumpkin. There are terms that indicate what happened to a person such as PFO and PGT (Patient Fell Over/Got Thumped). There are terms for treatment and prognosis CTD (Circling the Drain) and TEETH (Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy). There are even terms for each other. In fact most of our “short” terms are for each other.

The most well known of these is the ENT, Ear, Nose and Throat specialists aren’t a “thing”. That’s a medical joke to shorten otorhinolaryngology. But others include Rheumaholiday (Rheumatology is considered a “lite” subject) and the Freud Squad (Psych. If you didn’t already guess).

Then we have the medical students. We have mneumonics (for those who are unaware) which is a phrase or an acronym that allows you to recall information. And medicine is full of them for the aspiring medical student… These are some of the most raunchy ones unimaginable, because the dirtier they are the better you remember them…

Oh! Oh! Oh! TTouch And Feel A Girls Vagina, Ah! Heaven! (Olfactory, Optic, Occulomotor, Trochlear, Trigeminal, Abducen, Facial, Auditory, Glossopharyngeal, Vagus, Accessory and Hypoglossal nerves) are the cranial nerves.

Scared Lads Try Positions That They Cannot Handle (Scaphoid, Lunate, Triquetrum, Pisciform, Trapezius, Trapezoid, Capitate, Hamate) are the bones of your wrist (The Carpals)

There is Obs/Gynae and the ever populare

PENIs CAGe

Pain, Ectopia, Neisseria, Infertility, Chlamidya, Actinomycetes, Gravidae (Causes and Effects of Pelvic Inflammatory Disease)

Not all are raunchy some are based on modern phenomenon.

LARA CROFT:
Labour, Abruption of placenta, Rupture (eg. ectopic/ uterus), Abortion, Cholestasis, Rectus sheath haematoma, Ovarian tumour, Fibroids, Torsion of uterus (Abdominal Pain during Pregnancy)

Some are just weird

SHITteR
Skin colour, Heart Rate, Irritability, Tone, Respiration and together you need to remember to note the time of meconium. (APGAR score for infants during childbirth)

It’s a weird world full of silly medicine humour. Give it a try the next time you need to remember something.

Remember though, raunchier the better. For some obscure reason we fail to remember the nice PG ones and remember the ones about Penis Cages…