A Voice for Me/Age of Kali – You aren’t Fighting For Men, You are Harming Us

Every so often A Voice for Men decides to help out Indian Men.

Usually by siding with the most harmful and idiotic arguments and encouraging the status quo. This started with a hilarious claim that India isn’t misogynist because women have free entry into nightclubs and their own lines.

I was amused by the attempts of MRA to try to compare the separate seating for women in buses and trains in India and comparing it to that endured by Rosa Parks. Two reasons. Firstly? If Black people were being touched up by White people in buses they would want separate seating to ensure they can get to places without the man putting his hand down your pants and think separate seating is a good idea. Secondly? Do you have any  idea how daft it is to bring up Rosa Parks as if she was the first person to think of this particularly to Indians. Come on! Do your research! Rosa Parks was INSPIRED by this man because this was a really old method of breaking the rules of Apartheid.

Hint. It is Gandhi. But this is just my being pedantic.

Seriously? In general the MRA have not been helpful towards men’s rights. A short list for new readers?

1. MRA attempted to spin the Delhi Rape and the fact that in India sexual assault and harassment is so normal and ubiquitous. That actually trying to find sympathetic Police to try and prosecute is hard and that even attempting to fight back can result in your death. MRA seriously tried to claim to me (I am from a scheduled caste. I am harijan) that caste issues in India are bigger than gender issues forgetting that you can be untouchable and female and have the shit from botth.

2. MRA attempted to claim that Afghanistan is not that bad for women and that men have it worse.

3. MRA have attempted to defend the rapists and blame the underage victim of the Steubenville Rape Attack.

4. MRA have attempted to blame the underage victims as found out by Operation Yew Tree. AKA The scandal where children’s TV presenters such as Stuart Hall and Jimmy Saville turned out to be paedophiles who preyed on children using their fame and fortune to protect themselves. American have seen a similar issue in the actions of Bill Crosby. A trusted figure turned out to be much more harmful. MRA weighed on the side of the attackers in both cases.

5. MRA and Gamer Gate got together to subject me to a barrage of racist and homophobic abuse. I was called a Nigger and a Faggot. A Voice For Men’s Communications Officer who has the good fortune to be responsible for the prior two defences of rapists and paedophiles attempted to defend the racism and homophobia as free speech. She also attempted to claim that “Fag” meant cigarette. Newer readers may be unaware but I am British. Fag to us means cigarette. However we are smart enough to know that when someone calls us a “Fag” it doesn’t mean “You are a Cigarette”, but “you are a homosexual and that is a bad thing”. She also used the “I am robbing the word Nigger of its power” argument. It finally ended with the statement from MRA that they don’t have any reason to deal with Gay Rights or Racism since they were just interested in Men’s Rights. This I must point out was in the aftermath of the Ferguson Racism Riots where it is mainly Black MEN who are being killed. Rather than fight actual issues pertaining to men, the MRA would rather defend the right to be racist if it fucks over someone critical of them.

So to see them weigh in on India and invite Indians to defend a culture that  babies Indian Men until it creates 21 year old toddlers with temper tantrums is astonishing. What’s worse is the willingness of Indian MRA to accept the racism within the MRA (We are aware of MRA such as Theadore Beale, The Spearfront and Return of the Kings) if it means gaining their support.

As I pointed out? The irony is Indian MRA often become the shield against racism that the MRA waggle at us when we call out their racism. It’s been nearly a month since the amalgamation of Gamergate and MRA called me a “Nigger”. Since then a couple of Gamergate have apologised for such behaviour. The majority have tried to spin it as “okay”. Among the MRA? Not one has had the spine to state that “It is unacceptable to accept racism and homophobia and it is an issue that affects all men”.

But let’s check out A Voice for Me’s recent attempt to push their ideas in India. [Read more…]

A Voice For Me! – Janet Bloomfield and #Gamergate Slander Anita Sarkeesian using Anime

Let us be clear on this. I am a nerd. When I write about this, I feel the need to prove my geek side.

I love a lot of nerdy things. I used to do table top games ranging from Pathfinder and D&D to things like obscure games. If you talked to me about Lunch Money, I would mention Beer Money. If you asked me about gaming? I would point out that I spent most of my school lunch hours playing Soul Calibur and Power Stone. I played played Warhammer. I lived in the arcade heavy parts of the Middle East. I am not an expert gamer with some fancy rig but I do know my Grand Theft Autos from my Saint’s Row. [Read more…]

A Voice for Me – Paul Elam vs Matt Binder

If you didn’t catch it earlier?

However? I have a small rebuttal to make. Janet Bloomfield and Karen Straughan. Google Them To See What they are all about. Because some of their stuff won’t show up on google.

Janet Bloomfield

Steubenville Rape Victim

Another Classy Piece

Further Class

And Karen Straughan (caution… Wall of text hits for Maximum Damage)

Afghanistan for women is good!

[important]If you like my work and wish to support A Million Gods? Share it with your friends! If you wish to support my work and help me with my travel costs back home and indeed to go to Hebden Bridge to see PZ Myers during August? I have a paypal account! And if you want to purchase any of my photography stuff? Check out my gallery.[/important]

George Will – Making it easier to treat rape does not make us the victims of progressivism

Dear George Will

The victims of progressivism tries to imply that men (and women) cannot change. That the victims of rape are less important than the people who simply cannot understand the concept of consent.

I know who George Will is. To those who are unaware? While my “idea of journalism” mainly came for Photojournalism, I am aware that George Will holds a damn Pulitzer Prize. However? It doesn’t make him good at everything. His commentary on Conservative Politics is okay if you lived in a country where your conservatives aren’t the Republicans or the Tea Party (Party).

His Op-Ed is pretty much par for course with the Republican Party line. Of denigrating and reducing the value of rape in order to control a rash of rape. And they are right. The most effective way to reduce rape is to stop categorising things as rape. So spousal rape? Not Rape! Problem solved! Why! If we define rape as the unlawful and non-consensual sex with a woman (don’t be silly! Men never get raped.) as only stranger on woman the number of rapes drops precipitously. The vast majority of rape is by someone who knows the victim. Hell? Some people have raped without even realising what they are doing is rape.  [Read more…]

Why I Need the MRA – A Rebuttal

One of the major issues that I find puzzling is the notion of Lady MRA. In short? I am puzzled by the existence of people who wish to be part of a movement that so denigrates women.

While the majority of MRA are harmless, just transferring the sticks and stones of normal life into a conspiracy. But I fear it is an echo chamber. A place where the conspiracy grows and creates men like Elliot Rodger. A lie that is told repeatedly until it becomes the perceived reality.

I think there are issues with masculinity. We are stuck still trying to define men in the old ways and it doesn’t really work. Sure, we want to be the ideal of strong, tall and rugged and women do like that in a guy but the idea and scope of what it means to be a man has changed a lot. And that is hard to deal with.

Look, I get it. A real man has to be John Wayne, James Bond, Bill Nye, Stephen Fry and Gordon Ramsey. All in one. You have to be everything to all people rugged yet sophisticated and a bit “bad” but smart and educated and witty while being good with your hands and charming and good around the kitchen. But the thing is? None of us really are all this. None of us can be. And what we want are these idealised. We want John Wayne without the smoking. James Bond who doesn’t throw people out of windows, have PTSD and womanise. Bill Nye… okay that one’s pretty fine. Stephen Fry without the homosexuality and Gordon Ramsey without the swearing and temper.

But these things were associated with the negatives of being a man too. The expectations to be the bread winner. The violence.

The MRA are a symptom of change, of the confusion of men who grew up with expectations that they would be these amazing creatures.

There are men who suggest that I am not manly because I don’t really know how to be handy around the house. I would have to call in a man who knew his lefty loosies from his righty tighties. But I figured that in the modern world that is a skill that is no longer universal. I live in a world where I need to know about Scared Lovers who Try Positions That They Cannot Handle (Carpal bones). I specialised in one single aspect of modern life. But it doesn’t mean I am less of a man. The blood and gore associated with my work tends to give me the macho status by association. I can be pudgy, unfit and with bad hair and I would still never be considered as “a big girl” solely because it is a necessary job that makes most “manly men” uncomfortable”.

What it means to be a man is changing and frankly? Most men do not know what we are meant to be. I am in love with a woman who expects me to do “manly things” and who likes that I fix things around the house (Okay, I joked before. I am actually sufficiently handy. Not “power tool handy” but “fix common things” handy. All those Lego growing up made me a black belt at Ikea)

So I had a list of why a particular woman supported the MRA and I wished to debunk it. I don’t consider myself a feminist. In fact the only people who called me one where the MRA themselves. I find the MRA more and more disturbing in the aftermath of the Delhi Rape and the repeated attempts to maintain a status quo and reverse progress made by women rather than create progress for men.

I will make a list, those who are popular on tumblr, so any person who might be against MRAs pops in here can see why MRAs are not evil and that I am not a feminist who lost her tracks.

Feel free to add or correct. This is a list that explains why MRAs benefit everyone… I know a list of “not everyone is like that” will follow and I believe it is because even inside a movement nobody will ever agree or follow EVERYTHING. These are just some things I’ve noticed and MRAs allowed my thoughts to come to surface instead of labelling me as misogynyst.

Before labelling me as misogynyst, stupid, racist, whatever let’s discuss. Labels do nothing.

I support MRAs because…

So let us look into this.

  • we don’t have to race to which gender has it worse. We both have our issues and censorship and death threats to Men’s Conferences are not a civil way of communicating.

Except we can look at places like India and Afghanistan which were dragged into Western MRA dialogues and look at genuine places where it is outright deadly to be a woman.

As for censorship and death threats? One only has to look at my own history writing here. I have ceased to send my blog posts to Reddit. I post my own photographs sometimes and other people’s work but I do not post my own. The reason is quite simple.

I am down-voted on sight. By association to FTB, I am down voted. I do like Reddit, some of my work has spawned a lot of conversation on it. But too often anything I write has a brigade of MRA arrive to downvote the piece into oblivion on principle.

I once wrote about a young Sri Lankan maid and urged Redditors to help out. It failed. The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia beheaded her. My post was down-voted on principle. The MRA unfortunately show their true colours here. What is important is ideology. A piece that explained Islamic Jurisprudence and the flaws in it didn’t matter. A piece that called for the safety of a woman from a culture of misogyny didn’t matter. What mattered was the silencing of someone who didn’t like the MRA or who was associated with more vocal voices.

Maybe it wasn’t MRA, maybe it was anti-FTB. But there is a locus between the two. An intersect in that Venn Diagram. Death threats are terrible, however most of us have received death threats in the past.

Thanks to the MRA I have received more hate mail. In fact the last attempt was to try and net me some of the hate Melody Hensley was getting for speaking out in support of her. I had veterans who came charging in having been riled up by the charming MRA movement only to realise how poisonous the MRA movement is. I have had a false rape accusation that has cost me 6 months more of work. This has made me cautious of attending any real events with atheists lest my career be permanently tarnished. I was told that I was accused as a joke or to prove a point. All it proved was that the MRA have made more false rape accusations in my experience than women who I worked with.

Censorship and Death Threats have come from within the MRA. You may wish to distance yourselves from the California Massacres but the fact is his misogyny runs through the MRA. His is the difference between casual racist  who doesn’t like “those blacks and their music” versus the  man in the Klan outfit killing a black person. It may not be as racist but it is the core of that hate.

  • as a woman I don’t want to be discriminated on workplace. Women, nowadays, sue for everything – from dirty jokes to being fired because they have power to do so. I don’t want a company to be afraid of hiring me because I can destroy them with a sexual harrassment cause.

Men also feel awkward at dirty jokes. The difference is men cannot sue and worse? If they do try to sue, they are mocked at belittled. There are men who are “prudes” too. The argument here is that you fear that you will be discriminated due to all the women who rock the boat.

Let me tell you about a woman who rocked the boat. My mother. When she was younger there were no women in medicine. The only field for women was Paediatrics and Obstetric and Gynaecology. The medical fields. To this day Surgery is a man’s game and even that is changing. It is the last place to change. Medicine is now dominated by women. We men have screwed our selves over.

In our attachment to belligerence and I know I am less empathic and more belligerent than most.

I have often said this, but Hera is the doctor people want, but I am the doctor people need. The education of boys encourages risk taking behaviour and boldness, something medicine no longer requires outside of few specialities. You rarely need to cut lose and you often treat extremely defensively (IMHO) men never got the memo and still kept up the macho tradition. Patient rapport and smiles win more hearts than curmudgeonly yelling. I fulfil a different role. A more everyman doctor that creates my approachability. But Hera?

Hera’s is the modern medicine. I fear that I am a dinosaur. A victim of my own efficiency. Our reckless old days killed diseases and made us feared and respected. The new doctor is less respected and this scares dinosaurs like me. I fear that I am trained to do a job that is changing.

The question is will I thrive or go extinct. I know I am adaptable but there is that little fear in my mind.

My mother had those fears. Every day she told a lie.

That she was going to study Obstetrics and Gynaecology. She walked in through the Obs/Gynae department and walked out into Surgery.

My mother learned to be a Surgeon. One of the pioneers who will go nameless who worked hard to get to where she was. She endured all the macho nonsense to see a world where even she is a dinosaur. She has the same gung ho attitude of “over work” that no one else in the UK does. She rocked the boat by picking a male dominated field in a male dominated industry in a male dominated culture. She was the oddity. The “Indira Gandhi” in a world of Sati Matas who lived and died for their man.

It was these women who paved the way for women such as yourself to get jobs and keep them without having to endure sexism and harassment. If your company fears that you may destroy them with a sexual harassment case, have you considered working for a company with clear in house guidelines as to solving sexual harassment rather than ones that stick to their guns on creating a work environment that leads to harassment. You do realise sexual harassment in most companies does not occur with “random employee makes statement” and “woman sues”. There are countless mediation stages in the middle and any person trying to “lawyer up” would be asked why they didn’t use the system most large corporations use.

The same argument you make can be used to demand anti-racists should leave the structures by which racism was once common place at work. We made so much progress with race yet you seem to think gender is impossible? This in itself is evidence of the Patriarchy..

You fear not being hired by a bunch of men because their sex jokes and wolf whistles will have to cease. How is that an equal situation?

  • for this same reason I don’t want companies to be targeted by gold diggers who file a lawsuit because they were fired – I understand that everyone does their own business, but the level of selfishness and greediness is too much sometimes.

There are male gold diggers too. And funny thing is? Gold Diggers have to lawyer up and most lawyers don’t like taking cases that they will lose. And companies? If faced with frivolous law suits are quite happy to hammer “Gold Diggers” into the ground.

You wish to make it harder for the handful of gold diggers while harming many people who have real qualms about unlawful firings. Remember the entire fast food industry works on 37 hour workers. You get your benefits at 38 hours a week. So you hire people for 37 hours a week (No more!) so you don’t have to worry about benefits. You think in this realm of business practices that are legal and sensible but unethical that we should make it harder for people who are unlawfully fired to seek compensation?

  • women have to stop using kids to blackmail fathers.

Yes, I agree with that. However this is not something the MRA seek to change beyond providing lip service and shaming women who do this rather than providing reasonable solutions.

  • women have too much power in court when it comes to kids and divorces. Women’s power over children is the reason why I am here, too many of them are allowed and not punished when doing their own selfish business at the expense of the whole family.

Again? The statistics show that women in terms of custody during divorce usually win. The argument is that women are more nurturing and the like.

However? What people don’t seem to understand that is that during no fault divorces mothers generally have had more “housekeeping duties” and so have more rapport with children so are ruled towards. In addition? The point of a divorce is neither side is punished. Alimony in an ideal world would work both ways and has generally worked both ways. Child Support too.

And it is funny how women must be selfless but men can be selfish? Or is that what we expect? A Marge Simpson to support and cover up for Homer?

  • divorced women with too much power over dads have led to awful childhoods with no option for the dad to help because he’d be in legal trouble if he did.

Perhaps, however there are legal recourse. And the system is not perfect. But I do not see the MRA work towards this goal. So far? It’s been about how the uppity broads are making it harder to be a man.

Not about injustice within a legal system.

  • joint parenthood means both parents can concentrate on children, jobs and themselves. That means both being breadwinners and houseparent.

I don’t think any feminist thinks that men should stay at home. I think most think that both genders should fulfil all roles in the household. In some cases it is more advantageous to stay at home though.

The price of child care may exceed or equal the price of working, so it becomes cheaper for one parent to stay at home. And more often that not? It is women who are expected to stay at home than it is men.

  • I do not want my future son to be trapped into paying for a child until he is 18 just because a woman he went to bed with lied about taking sexual contraceptives. I want men to have a say in sexual reproduction and not just be told to keep his wiener inside his pants. I trust that a man will take a daily pill if it’s made available.

Has he considered using a condom at all points? Also? In the UK the rule is clear.

An unmarried father can only get legal responsibility for his child in 1 of 3 ways:

  • jointly registering the birth of the child with the mother (from 1 December 2003)
  • getting a parental responsibility agreement with the mother
  • getting a parental responsibility order from a court

So if you don’t want to raise the child you don’t have to as a man. The woman has “obviously” the right to adopt out the child or have an abortion.

Even in the USA there are certificates waiving parental responsibility as an unmarried man. And this is a rarity, women rarely “trick” men into child support. I mean are you kidding me? Child Support isn’t that high. And this is the old “Gold Digger” trope which appeals to the American idea of the temporarily embarrassed millionaire. That some day some hot lady will seduce him and he will forever have to care for a child he doesn’t want.

As for the daily pill? The problem is the way sperm is produced which is different from the cycles of female hormones that can be altered. Any such change has more deleterious effects on men.

  • I do not want to be treated as a child. That’s what most feminist movements do. I can decide for myself what to believe and who to support. I’ve never been as respected for my beliefs as I am here, with MRA supporters.

Your MRA friends have tried to deny women in India and Afghanistan their struggle to be taken seriously holding examples of free entry to Nightclubs and reserved seats on buses as equal to a life lived fearing rape and assault and even death for being a woman.

And your MRA friends only respect you as a “voice” because you agree with them. Say that you disagree with something they all believe in and you will be threatened with rape and death just like “all those uppity feminists”.

It’s simple. A Voice for Men is your most “Moderate” mainstream voice. Janet Bloomfied who writes for them slut shamed a teenage girl who got raped. She also defended paedophiles in the UK who were molesting even terminally ill patients. Not one MRA stood up and was counted when I asked why they cheered all this bullshit. Not one of them said “What the fuck! Jimmy Saville was having sex with minors on purpose”. You don’t want to be treated as a child? Sure. But actual children are being treated as gold diggers here with nary a voice of decency.

  • affirmative action removes bread from mouths of people who deserve it.

No. Affirmative action generally creates a foot hold to allow more diversity. Without affirmative action I would not be here.

Put it this way. Taslima Nasrin and Mano Singham were both South Asians. Both wrote here before I did. The thing is Taslima was world famous and Mano lived in the USA. I was not. I was literally “some guy they found on a tiny blog”. I now get more hits per day than I used to in a month!

Affirmative action created me and I know it caused more and more of my Indian readers to start making a big fuss on atheism and speak about Hinduism. The irony was that I started writing because Nirmukhta didn’t really write all that much. In fact I remember trying to see if I could write for them but never getting a response back. When Nirmukhta joined here I was in a strange situation of having a bigger “blog” than they did. Affirmative action has helped get more Indian viewpoints out there and talking about us. A movement that just 5 years ago had few representatives from us now has tonnes of others including Sanal Edumaruku who has taken his Guru Busting across the  globe.

Affirmative action helps people get into areas they were not expected to. And affirmative action has rarely been at the behest of inferior quality. It has always been about encouraging the best out of people who would not normally get into areas.

The best example of affirmative action is not race or gender but disability. Pro-disability affirmative action has helped a lot of disabled people show us that they shouldn’t be overlooked for jobs.

Your argument has been heard before. it’s called “Why don’t black people win the Fields Medal“.

I know I am an affirmative action “choice” even as a writer on here. And it doesn’t bother me. I know there are more vocal Indians coming out because I write and I know that there are people who see this and go to events. Not many people to be honest. Around 20 overall, but 20 is a start and you got to start somewhere.

But you cannot fault my work. I have not removed bread from the mouths of people who deserve it but I have brought my own bread (Parotta) and lots of people are finding out that they like this too. This hurts because it assumes that the women, people of colour, GLBT and disabled hired as part of whatever “Affirmative Action” are inferior to men.

My Unleavened Flaky Bread

The funny thing is? People said that about medicine too. The joke was women beat us. Fair and square. They out played us. They worked harder, got higher marks and had better patient rapport. We actually are thinking about affirmative action for men there. There is already affirmative action for men in Nursing.

  • I DO have responsabilities and I want to face them. I am responsible for my happiness and I don’t need to blame men for everything that is wrong in the world, in history or in my life.

Except feminism is less about blaming men than blaming structures in society. And indeed some men kind of make the whole feminist movement more likely to blame men.

If we sum up all the women who have problems and look at the number of them that are men then that number is rather high. YOU in particular may find no need to blame any men for anything, but plenty of women have just cause.

  • to me equality does not mean simply looking at what is best in another group and claiming it as unconstitutional if I don’t have the same rights. I do not expect more women to have affirmative actions to enter “clean/not risky” jobs while the number of male garbage collectors remains the same. Same goes with working/being a house mom – you have the choice and so should you SO.

Actually? Women have long argued for dirty jobs too and breaking gender roles. The difference is how they argue.

We want women to have the same rights as men with all jobs. Look? Women don’t progress in jobs like these!

The MRA argument? Women only want to be CEOs but not garbage men! Which denigrates garbage men really. Women have pushed for equal job opportunities across the board but guess what? The MRA still don’t realise there are gender roles encouraging women to not go into certain jobs. It is why so few men go into nursing still. The very quality of “Nursing” has always been associated with women. Men don’t go into Nursing in the same way that women don’t go into sanitation fields. And some do.

  • I want dangerous women to be properly punished by the law and consequently re-educated. Punishments do not have to be softer or non-existent because the accused person is a woman.

Sure, but in many cases dangerous men get away with it.

Remember, Janet Bloomfield tried to support paedophiles and rapists from getting severe punishments.

  • I don’t want my future son to be demonized for his sexual desires.

No man is demonised for sexual desire. Holy Fucking Hell. I am pretty sexually active despite my prudish exterior. And at no point has any woman demonised me for being sexually active or otherwise.

On the contrary? Women have to deal with it more. The sexually active woman is considered a slut and a valid target for rape. A sexually active woman with desires is often demonised and punished both by society and by legislative as we have seen in the various attempts to deny women sexual health.

  • I want my future son to pursue the career of his dreams – be it engineer, nurse or housedad, without being forced to be the breadwinner and accepting a job he likes less and that puts his health to risk.

Sure and most feminists want this. In fact? I have seen less MRA want this and the macho culture of the MRA often derides men who do this sort of thing.

  • I don’t want my future son to be blamed for (perceived) unequal pay but expected to pay for dates and all sorts of leisures.

I have never paid for any dates.

I will admit this to you guys. I don’t earn as much as Hera. I only really have the blog to net me money. She and her friends have a fairly westernised life of 28 year old Middle Class people. That means going out for drinks, movies and restaurants.

Something I cannot afford. I save up and maybe can do one or two days of that but I really cannot afford those things. So my girlfriend PAYS for me. My old phone was nearly 3 years old and she knew I would never willingly change it unless I came back to the UK and had a job. So she got me a new one. So far? Hera’s paid for my dates. I fundraise for my own leisure. Call it e-begging or what have you! I am honest about it. I am temporarily poor. Doctors in the UK earn a sizeable salary and have a comfortable life. At the moment? I do not. The money I raise is solely for yearly purchases like clothes and entertainment and travel.

I still have the love of a woman despite not paying for dates and being pretty bad with presents. At this point in our relationship she knows I only get money from here and it is a major effort (Seriously? I need 3 to 5 of these pieces a day to hit the $2 mark especially with the loss of Reddit income) but she knows I do it so we can have fun together in that short time we do have together.

Men aren’t expected to pay for dates.

  • both my future’s son and daughter lives will be equally important and a crime against one will not be more important than the other.

The funny thing is until recently crimes against women were not given equal importance.

Certainly not in India and I would not bring India up except for the fact the MRA in the form of A Voice for Men specifically have waded into that argument. And women have done more to bring criminal equality among genders than MRA have.

  • I am personally tired of women caring about their looks more than anyone else and blaming the rest of the world for being unhappy about them or when they are not held on pedestals for their beauty. Some women are appreciated by more men and some by less, it’s called beauty and blaming others as “vain” for not appreciating your looks is vain and bitter… especially when you’d never date someone who earns less than you.

I am dating someone who earns more than me. By a lot. I earn pocket money compared to her. If I saved up for a year I could earn as much as she does in a month. Women are less attracted to men because of our bank accounts than what we do with it.

And it isn’t beauty that women bemoan but the absolute standard of it. Men too have it but we have such a wide spectrum of beauty that men find it easier than women to fit in. You can be uber buff, you can be skinny, you can be fit you can be tubby and most women will like you unless you hit the morbid obese section. And even there we have Barry White who is widely considered to be “sexy” despite being overweight. The same isn’t true for women. For god’s sake! We have Mindy Kaling who is “normal” and who is considered as rather grotesque by the standards of celebrity.

And women do not appreciate their looks because they live in a world where there is a single aesthete for women to follow and that aesthete is created by photoshop. It isn’t skin correction and blemish issues anymore but literally turning women into an impossible aesthete much like the Greek God.

Women are being forced into a single reality that requires surgery and impossible physiques to attain. We men are not expected to be Herakles. But that too is changing. Men too have more and more impossible physiques and this is causing men to have increases in eating disorders. I consider JT Eberhard my friend and I often use his example of how we don’t really handle eating disorders all that well among men. The thing is women are held on pedestals for their beauty.

Men are held on pedestals for their achievements and who they are.

I want a man with a good sense of humour and who is kind and caring.

I want a woman with a smoking body who looks sexy.

Men often look at women who are attractive, women seem to want men who are more 3 Dimensional. Maybe they are oggling Raoul…

But mostly they seem to want the average Joe.

But there is one place where men are judged like women. Height. And it shows. Once it used to be hair but with the advent of the “bald hot man” it is less of an issue. Women still want taller men. So men lie about their height like women lie about the things we men judge women on.

  • women feel entitled to males’ attention and demonize them when it’s not given to them. When a woman chases a man and he doesn’t return attraction he’s labelled gay. When a man prefers a body type over another he’s “not a real man” (especially when he doesn’t like extra weight). But god forbid a woman date someone who has lower education or earns less than her.

I have NEVER been labelled gay for not liking a woman.

And if women earned the same as men and had the same opportunities and we lived in an egalitarian society then income differences would not be meaningful.

And again? And women tend to be more pissed off about attention from men because attention from men seems to come up no matter what the person is doing. A good example is I know of a young man who tried to hit on another young woman by stripping to his boxer shorts during a medical OSCE (oral exam) revision session. Because women cannot control themselves over the site of a good hip examination. I myself keep a bucket of cold water to douse our female doctors with should a hip examination start turning a little too blue for my clinic.

Women get unwanted attention. I don’t think I have ever heard the “he isn’t into me, he must be gay” argument. Ever.

  • women should follow the same rules men do. If a job training requires hazing or extra hours then we should not try to bend the rules for us.

No job requires hazing. Not one. And women do the same extra hours as men. Want to know something funny?

Next year I will have Obstetric and Gynaecology rotations. It’s 12 hours long. I have to do it because women have to do it. The male dominated rotations are only 10 hours long.

  • I don’t want my future daughter to embrace victimhood but to raise her sleeves and works towards her success and help her family succeed as well.

The women who embrace victim hood are often real victims whose trauma is denied in order to justify the attack on them.

Let us take Melody Hensley. Simple thing. Let us refer to her harassment and cyber bullying (Something we atheists have stood against when it is the GLBT) as PTSD from Twitter. One is a real issue where Melody was bullied and harassed to create the state. The other is someone getting harassed by a piece of software. This delineates blame from real people to a medium. One may as well blame combat PTSD on Newtonian Physics. Strictly true, but utterly unhelpful.

  • women have to be held responsible for the problems they cause through sexuality and their sexual power to the other gender. If a woman uses sex to bribe someone then both should be punished, not just the person taking advantage of sex.

Except women often have to use sex as a bribe to get what they deserve rather than what they want. And I must point out that this is the Burkha argument.

That men cannot control their responses to female sexuality. We are Pavlov’s dog except with more erections and rape. If only you wore a Burkha then we would merely speculate about your body rather than outright know and therefore trigger the Pavlovian response.

In India if you are driving along and a Policeman stops you for a jumped up offence, it is clear he wants a bribe. You shouldn’t pay it but imagine if he asks you for just Rs. 100. You have a long way to go and honestly? Arguing will harm you more than paying the Rs. 100. So you pay and carry on. You have bribed a copper.

A major crime really but what choices did you have? Getting jailed for Rs. 100? That’s even more stupid than the bribe. Women trade sex or benefits only because there is often little to no other way to gain those benefits and often because men in power use such benefits as a bribe for sex.

So much so that the “Casting Couch” and “I will make you a star/You would make a great model” are tropes to this. For many people it is the only way to get progressing in a particular job.

  • I am not owed anything for V day unless we make BJ&stake day a national recurrence.

V-Day? I hope that’s Valentine’s Day not Victory Day because those are pretty rare.

You do realise Valentine’s Day works both ways? And honestly? You tarnish men madam! You tarnish women too! You make a Blow Job sound like a crime and Steak as something unattainable. Valentine’s day is just an excuse to be romantic. And you know what? Some women find Blow Jobs romantic too. It’s a part of sex and a healthy sex life allows for a variety of sexual activities that aren’t demonised. It sounds tabooo and irrational but oral sex doesn’t really require its own day. Not if you have an active sex life where both of you are honest on what each other likes and enjoying sex as an activity of honesty.

Want to know something? Men and women both like oral sex. It isn’t just for Valentine’s Day or BJ and Steak Day (whatever that is). The frankly amusing thing is if you have read anything by feminists you would know that there exists the concept of sex. Where sex isn’t shamed. A large number of porn people are into this sort of thing. Where their sexuality is something positive. Sex Positive if you will.

There are sex worker feminists. There are queer and GLBT people out there too. I myself have written positively about sex. Want to know something funny? Women Like Sex Too. That was one of the earliest products of feminism. The ability to enjoy sex and not be ashamed and want sex. Oral Sex became LESS of a taboo and women became more in touch with their sexual side.

  • women can be as guilty as men in all areas of life.

Yes, they can. No feminist has said anything but this.

  • women have to stop encouraging men to be violent then blaming them for it.

No woman I know has encouraged me to be violent outside of a rugby pitch. Okay maybe there are some women who get off on the violence thing. They have to exist after all.

But you know what? You are taking their encouragements to violence then blaming other women for it. A lot of the violence in men is macho nonsense. Oh you spilled my drink. Oh you insulted my football club. Oh you wore the wrong shoes. It’s nonsense. These conflicts are not engineered by women but by men who have attributed manliness to violence.

I do not know of a single woman who was turned on by seeing violence outside of TV. Maybe they exist but I have not met them.

  • I don’t want men in my life to suffer because they are afraid to speak up and ask for help since everytime they ask all they get is a cold shoulder or a rant about men having privilege and power.

Everytime the MRA say this I have to point out that I run an addiction clinic for local men who make up the bulk of alcoholics. Many drink alcohol daily and liver failure, cirrhosis and hepatitis are common causes of death. I help them quit.

Men have privilege and power, the suffering of men is due to the power they have. Let us look at psychiatry. Women are more likely to be depressed. Men are more likely to commit suicide. Why? Depression is a clinical diagnosis and women are more likely to seek help. For men it is a sign of weakness so they do not.

Again? I have never heard of a genuine cry for help being diverted into privilege and power. And I repeat? No MRA I know has ever done anything about this. In fact? The MRA are more interested in bashing women and denigrating men who require help than helping.

  • there are dress codes and everyone is supposed to respect them. Dressing as if you are flaunting your sexuality at school or work (unless it’s required) is not a synonim of freedom. In some places if you dress showing your sexual attributes you will not be taken seriously just like a man dressed in a tight spandew suit wouldn’t be, so don’t blame men because they can’t keep their hormones straight. It’s not about sex, it’s about image. Dress however you like when you vlog or go clubbing, but keep it classy when you are in otherplaces where you have to follow a dress etiquette.

Actually? Pretty much anything a woman wears can be sexualised.

Even women in Burkhas are sexualised. This means women are blamed no matter what they wear. For fuck sake, Indian men blamed women for dressing in Jeans and Blouses. My mum dresses like that! I have seen old ladies in the UK dress like that. The least revealing or sexy outfits on the planet and Indian men still blamed it.

And here is the thing. I am fully capable of keeping my hormones under control. At no point if an attractive woman shows a bit of skin do I go “Well I have a Boner and Now It Must Be Satiated”. Men can control their hormones. Men can say no  too. Do not deny men the capacity and responsibility of controlling their own actions. If I place a biscuit in front of Tigger he will not eat it unless I command him too. My dog is better behaved than you think men are.

You ill deserve to represent me. For you treat me as a force of nature and hormones rather than as a human being. You think I am irresponsible and a sexual predator but for the opportunity and stimulus.

I see myself as a man who is more than a slave to hormones. And I will say this. Even if you were naked and told me that I could have my way with you. I would NOT say yes. In Adversity, Loyalty after all. I have a woman who loves me and I love her and honestly? You do me and other men like me a great disservice by claiming that all we need is an excuse.

When men’s problems involve not being listened to, being disposable and women having too much power we all suffer from it.

I wrote last year about a young girl who was raped at Steubenville. And how she was tarred and feathered and mocked for it. How a huge number of people in a town defended the rapists. And you want to talk about men being disposable? I am afraid I do not see many MRA on the lines of the abortion conflict. It seems to be feminists. Men are not disposable. On the contrary? They are valued more than girls and given more opportunities to do what they want and fit into fewer stereotypical roles.

Women aren’t disposable because they are valued for a different reason to men. Men are valued for agency. Women are valued for their reproductive organs. Sadly? That way was the norm for centuries. Women are just more certain of the changing world and their place in it than we men are.

We have not been represented by the MRA movement. They have not promoted male issues, merely male bitching about women. The MRA spend more time trying to shut up “uppity” women than they do about trying to promote a change to what it means to be a man.

We know men are afflicted by a variety of issues. We also know that it is feminists who are more likely to help produce a concrete answer to those issues than it is for the MRA. Yes. We may need the MRA, but not as they are in their current form. Not as they are by what face they show the world. What needs to change is how we define masculinity and changes made to how we see ourselves as men and speaking about the real issues that affect us. We start off discussing divorce courts supporting women, mental illness and addiction but the MRA end up discussing how women fuck over men. That needs to change and stop because that is all the dialogue is about.

As for those death threats to the MRA for their conference? I think the MRA should have their conference. I just don’t think anything will come of it apart from men sitting around hating women and fearing non-existent threats to them.


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I Get Mail – MRA and India

India is a deeply conservative country that’s sexually repressive for both sexes. If you took off your sexist gender goggles you might be able to discuss deeper issues than ‘rape’ and ‘rape’ and more ‘rape. There are Cast issues of profound significance. Huge ethnic and religious tensions that spin off into riots. There are Maoist rebels raising up against capitalist interest and you can only focus on RAPE.

I’d much rather here from those in India instead of those in the west who demonize other countries so they can feel superior.

[Read more…]

Thug In Velvet – Revisited

Around a decade ago there was a watershed in Indian culture.

We saw a concept come about in India and abroad.

It was called the New Indian Male. The very idea of the New Indian Male was a gentleman. He wore clothes that fit and wasn’t picked out by his mother. He understood fashion. He was gentler, kinder and indeed “more in touch with his feminine side”. His image on the big screen and in populist media was not one of the country boy or poor, but a middle class hero and his actions resonated the most with that demographic. In the minority of India that is Upper Middle Class this may hold true. More men broke gender roles and cooked, cleaned and raised children and this allowed more women to break out of those traditional roles and do non-traditional roles such as working. More men cleaned up themselves and after themselves. But what happened? Why have we shifted out of that? [Read more…]