Age of Kali – Would You Ever? Marry a woman who was raped »« I Get Mail – Arguing with an Atheist

Ramen – Evidence for the Flying Spaghetti Monster

To many people the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a fake. A parody of the gods who are real and a harsh satire designed to slice deep into the bosom of the faithful and burn into their chosen gods and demons.

There are many naysayers, but none provide a handy list as much as this list that was making the Facebook rounds.

1. There is no historical evidence documenting the works of the “Spaghetti Monster”. The Bible and other historical and religious documents give accounts of events that attribute various events to God.

You mean gods? Let’s say this. The Judeo-Christian god is highly dubious on the miracle front. Hindu gods? WAY MORE METAL

Right now the only thing going through your head is Manowar. Or Dethklok

Yes that is a child Krishna dancing on the head of a snake monster with multiple heads thrashing around a lake. Jehovah smites kids, Krishna defeats giant monster snake through the power of popping fresh dance moves. It is kind of hard to like Jehovah. Vishnu incarnated as Krishna to right an evil in the world by entering the cycle of birth and death. And the initial villain of the story is Kamsa. A king who kills babies. When we discuss “good” I find it kind of hard to agree that the god of Christianity is a “good” god when there are no lines he is unwilling to cross and he has the actions of a villain.

But these are stories are they not? We look for the real evidence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Well Horace wrote about Lagana and fine sheets of fried dough that were an every day food stuff. If one notes? This is an indication that a type of pasta or noodle is “older than Jesus”. Many recipes were mentioned and in effect is a simple sheet of dough made with crushed lettuce and wheat flour and spiced before deep frying. It soon developed into a layered dish with meat in the middle. And then into what we call the mighty lasagna.

Why even Galen mentioned itrion which is a type of pasta. The Talmud itself agrees with him and if we are going to start questioning the Talmud’s accuracy then all sorts of beliefs will have to fall down. And it isn’t just in Western and European Jewish and Christian sources that we have evidence. Why Isho bar Ali the Arab doctor mentions Itriyaa which is a semolina string pasta. Muhammad al-Idrisis mentions that the Normans were particularly fond of this too.

The first record of a “dry” Pasta that could be rehydrated was from the Arabs who would use it as a travel food. Palermo also made dry pasta. And while some purists disregard Couscous as a form of pasta, the true pastafarian may realise its roots are similar. And this is just in Europe. There are plenty of cultures in Asia who have their own forms of extruded flours.

Unlike that Jehovah and Jesus blokes who happen to have all their literature and proof in one place. The glory of the Flying Spaghetti Monster can be seen across the planet.

2. There has never been people that were willing to die and become martyrs because of their beliefs, experiences and relationship with the “Spaghetti Monster”. It is logical to believe that individuals would not be willing to endure torture and even death for the sake of a fairy tale or “Spaghetti Monster”

This argument falls down because at the moment, the people most willing to die for martyrdom for their beliefs, experiences and relationship with an imaginary being are Muslims and that doesn’t mean that Allah is anymore real than Voldemort or Jehovah.

Clearly the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a better belief system as he does not require you to die for it. But I will say this.

Today more people are sacrificed on the altar of the Flying Spaghetti Monster than for Jesus. Don’t believe me? How many of us are a slave to the carb? How many of us face complications such as diabetes brought on by high consumption high carb diets? It may not be a sword but considering the number of people blinded and maimed for their pasta love, it is a slap in the face of true pastafarians who face death daily to consume their recommended daily allowance of Pasta.

3. There has never been notable and documented miracles attributed to the “Spaghetti Monster”. Not only are there countless miracles recorded in the Scripture attributed to God but the healings, miracles and supernatural acts are still being recorded today.

Miracles? Jesus fed a few guys with bread and fish. Pasta feeds the world!

And how many starving children has Jesus saved lately? Is that more or less than Pasta? I find that praying to Jesus is less useful than the sacred rite of boiling salted water to baptise my pasta and then anointing it with a sauce made from roux and cheese or tomato and mince. I find that the above rituals are better than prayer for feeding the masses.

I postulate that the miracle of food is so common place that we forget that starvation was the natural state of mankind. That food has become so ubiquitous that we have grotesque challenges to eat till we cannot eat anymore. That we take excellent food at consume it to the point that we feel physical pain.

And it isn’t just the poorest. What about all those every day miracles food achieves? When a student comes back and in dire need of a meal is saved by ramen packets? When a young man loves a woman and attempts to win her favour with a meal, it is invariably pasta that is the carb that brings the meal together. And how many of us regard pasta as a vital part of food just like our mothers made for us when we were younger? You may think “what kind of pasta do Indians eat?” I say “Iddiyapam”

Pasta to us is such an every day thing that we forget what it means.

Pasta is life. It’s starches power our body. Without the carbohydrates it gives we cannot power ourselves. Pasta is love. It is there at our best and at our most celebratory and it is there to comfort us at our worst. And it is the heart and soul of many cultures.

Surely this cannot be a mundane dish. This is no mere shaping of flour and water but something divine. Something that can achieve all of this cannot be mundane. Something that can be made to be a starter, a salad, a mains, a soup and a dessert? Something that goes with fish, shellfish, lamb, goat, beef, pork, chicken, duck… And we have people thinking that this stuff is NOT a miracle? If a little cracker and red wine is considered amazing then my vermouth cream pasta is morksha on a plate.

- Ramen

Comments

  1. M can help you with that. says

    If you think packaged ramen is a miracle, try the real thing sometime. You could feed several people from one of those plus-sized bowls, yet even the super-secret recipe that the noodle-shop owner won’t share with anyone makes a meal cheap enough to be accessible to a broke college student tourist in Tokyo. Truly a miraculous fea(s)t.

    RAmen!

  2. opposablethumbs says

    Lovely and eloquent article , avi. The FSM’s superior claims to godhood are undeniable!

  3. samgardner says

    The only reason they come up with these dubious justifications for why they don’t believe in the FSM is because they have a need to deny it. If they really didn’t believe in FSM, they wouldn’t bother arguing against him. Ergo, they actually know the FSM is real.

  4. Stevko says

    Couscous is of course pasta. Why would someone deny it? Heretics?

    Does pasta that contains eggs count? I hope it does.

    P.S.: Try pasta (fusilli) with tuna fish and corn (maize) and black pepper.

Trackbacks

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>