I Get Mail – Sex

I don’t think anyone should be sending their children to government buildings to learn about the perils or pleasures of intercourse or masturbation or sodomy.

I don’t think government schools should teach kids about sex.

Funny thing happens here.

If you don’t teach kids about sex, they will learn about it from each other. Barely understood emotions and sensations gained from each other. Half truths and chinese whispers.

I work in a country with no sex education. there are 1.2 billion people and men are still ashamed to buy condoms. I have doctors who are afraid of touching condoms. Both male and female.

A libertarian sex education system does not work, what happens is few children learn. In fact? The richer you are the more likely you are to learn since you are more likely to have a choice in your education and go to a place where you learn “reality”.

And this is ignoring the fact that sex education is not an educative subject. The purpose of sex ed is for preventative medicine.

So lets look at each of the bug bears here.

If we teach kids about “intercourse” they will have it. Yes. But they are going to have it if they learn about it from TV, Books and Each Other. Look 30,000 years of modern human existence have occurred without Sex Ed. As has a billion years or so of life. Sex ed is designed to keep kids safe and teach them about the pitfalls and indeed things like consent and compliance. Consent is permission, compliance is how you stick to the boundaries and how you explore a boundary should the idea arise.

Masturbation is normal, healthy and even good for you. Telling our kids otherwise just hurts them and frankly makes us the wanking police which doesn’t help us and doesn’t help them.

As for sodomy? Fancy term for Anal Sex.

Want to know who the BIGGEST group of people engaged in “Sodomy” is? Straight Women. According to reports, roughly 1 in 3 women has tried anal sex. By contrast? Men who have sex with men make up 3% of the population. Roughly 9 to 10 million in the USA versus 50 Million. The biggest group of “Sodomites” are straight. And if anything? With the fame of 50 Shades of grey, more women will try it out and may like it.

Look it is not for everyone. But a lot of people get hurt doing it. You have no idea how many young men and women happen to sit on a variety of objects while hanging about nude around the house. There are simple and logical rules that people who are experienced should be teaching. In particular? Consent and reduce the stigma of male “sodomy”. And finally? Safety. Things like “use condoms” (Even if it is with a long term monogamous partner because it makes clean up safer, reduces STI in men and women). Basic hygiene too is important (Do not have vaginal sex or oral sex after anal sex unless you were wearing a condom. Even digital sex should be done with a glove). Use lube. Make sure your toys are cleaned.

You can prevent injury, pain and STI and may even find something new you both enjoy rather than simply attempting to do something from a piece of fiction designed to titillate (that includes porn and 50 Shades) and get it wrong because the fiction ignored bits. You wouldn’t drive like you would in fiction, why are you having sex?

Could it be because we teach driving in a very structured way while sex ed is laughably inadequate?

We still teach the HIV gay myth as a punishment from Jehovah (Krishna says rock on) while ignoring the lower rate of nearly all STIs in Lesbians (except HPV which is a high rate. I have explained the rationale before. If Gay People have similar partner rates to straight people. They would have the same number of partners but a higher proportion of available dates and so be more likely to come into contact with a HPV + person. Many gay people assure me that their communities have a more open pick up culture and since they are already stigmatised, the insult of promiscuity is less destructive than the existing homophobia)

Men who have sex with Men have high HIV rates. HPV rates in Lesbians are increasing since HPV transfers just fine. My recommendation is using gloves and dental dams, regular check ups and getting the HPV vaccine early. Also? No sharing sex toys unless using a cleaner between uses on them. Plenty of companies make a sex toy cleaner either in handy wipes or as a spray.

The thing is? How many of you thought about these things unless someone more experienced and educated taught you?

Sex Education is a health issue. Not an educational one. Just as Reading, Writing and Mathematics are considered vital, I would add sex education as one of the skills you learn from school that will help you throughout life no matter what you go on to work as or do with your life.


  1. says

    I remember a brilliant YouTube video by a young woman indoctrinated in abstinence only education. She explained specifically why we need comprehensive sex education in a very clear, smart manner.

  2. Pen says

    Sex education isn’t ‘special’. It’s an important aspect of human biology which is usually taught in schools. Kids learn how lungs work and that smoking isn’t good for lungs. They learn how the body absorbs nutrients and that diet affects human health. They learn about the immune system and how it responds to disease, etc, etc. They learn about the human reproductive system and its most salient consequences. Nothing special. Move on.*

    * It’s good if schools also allow for some adult moderated discussion of sexual ethics and safety between those people who are, in fact, most likely to become each other’s first sexual partners. It’s citizenship more than biology but it’s not a ‘special’ aspect of citizenship. Make sure it’s been done and move on.

  3. Holms says

    Objexting to sex education is kind of like objecting to teaching people general hygeine. It may not directly lead to a job, but that shit is just plain healthy to know.

  4. smrnda says

    I never get the objection that sex education isn’t a proper, academic subject; the same people often go around and criticize education for being impractical and academic rather than pragmatic.
    Sex education is necessary because it’s going to have practical consequences, and it’s better kids get real info rather than nonsense.

    For parents who allege that they can actually teach their kids not to have sex – please, the statistics on that do not appear reliable. Unless you lock your kids away, they can end up having sex, and if as a parent you haven’t taught them you’re going to cause problems for your own kid and others.

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